ive been eating like a pig and today im paying for it.

first i put on my dress pants to go undercover and it wasnt pretty. my gut, my big gut has this huge way of messing with my mornings. everythings fine when i wear my shorts when i get to fly, but when i have to walk the streets and dress like a grownup, it fucks my shit.

ate some of those Wow chips yesterday and my poops have been insane.

got a phone call from my good pal aj who is now teaching at ucsb. just for the quarter. have i told you that she invited me to teach one of her classes during the last week in april? all true. all wonderful. all awesome. i get to teach jim carroll’s the basketball diaries which were excerpts of his real diaires from when he was 12 to 15.

im starving. im drinking water and listening to Lovelines. i want to eat cheetos, i want to eat famous amos cookies, i want to eat mint chocolate chip ice cream, i want to make a sandwhich, but im tired of my food shooting right through me like it was a slip n slide.

aj said that the kids are going to love me. she says that she plays a few tracks of music at the begining of each class. today she played the replacements bastards of young and tori amos covering nirvanas teen spirit. the class is coming of age novels. aj rocks the world.

robyn, our advisor, mentor, and role model, who has been teaching at the college of creative studies up at ucsb totally rocks the world and if you ever wanted to know why the earth is tilted its because all the coolness that robyn embodies is so heavy that the world just cant stand up straight.

i wish i had something cool to give her when im up there next month. without robyn i would not be writing the busblog. thats for damn sure.

woke up with a pretty girl today who said she wanted to marry me and have three babies with me. yes, im that good in the sack mr flynt. usually.

funny thing about getting older. even the hottest chicks can come over and look great and be busting out all over and you will be able to ignore that mad passion for a good two three hours. you might even go to bed thinking, yeah, im not going to f her till the morn.

things like having a headache actually win out over before-we-sleep sex.

fortunately my penis is ageless and as the chickie and i were settling down to some sleepytime spoon, my little’n tapped her on the back and said, hey. hey you. you, the super fucking hot chick. yeah. down here. forget the loser im attatched to. hes gay. but me, i want to bang you hard and fast and long and deep.

and it will wake up the hand and tell the hand to warm up her happy spot.

and it keeps tapping on her back.

yeah, you. babydoll. yeah. hi. penisman down here. ready to rock. hi. yes, im hard. im ready. hi.

eventually, because shes not old, infact shes the perfect age, her ass starts grinding around and before you know it jay z in being played loudly and the penis has won another round of quit acting like a million year old guy who thinks this shit grows on trees.

and just imagine if i had actually paid more attention in school

bruner blog + la blogs + franklin ave

people ask me if i miss bunny

i do. she was a sweet girl. but now shes gone and shes dead to me. until i see sweet pictures of her calling me on the phone so as to reminice about her spring break in hollywood.

ah memories.

i like bunny because shes not full of shit. you have no idea how many people who are entirely full of shit that i have to deal with here in la and online. it’s getting regoddamneddiculous.

for example, over at jeff jarvis’s buzzmachine, a place that used to be a haven of intelligent discourse, theres a few knuckleheads who proudly claim that they dont listen to howard stern – judging him. sorry kids, you cant have it both ways. go back to burning books.

who has the gall to talk about shit, let alone judge shit that they claim not to listen to?

not bunny mcintosh.

which is why i like her.

the other day i was hanging with my girl moxie who is a devout republican, so obviously we have our differences, but whats nice about her is she doesnt try to puke those beliefs all over those who dont share her ideals. see, thats reasonable. she also sticks to talking about things that she actually knows about. i realize thats a radical idea for some, but… whatev.

me and miss montreal watched our gov’nur in Pumping Iron last night. id never seen it. what a great documentary. arnold hasnt changed much. he was both charming and obnoxious, cocky and confident, big and bigger, dumb and dumber.

for lunch the fellas went to versailles and had it waiting for me when i landed. very few pleasant suprises better than that. food and sex is the way to a man’s heart, america. and if you cant give the one, definately have the other waiting. especially if its roast pork and rice and plantaines.

id tell you how me and miss montreal made beautiful lust last night while listening to dj noodle’s mix of jay-z’s the black album and nirvana’s unplugged in new york but larry flynt told me not to sixty nine and tell.

wisdom goof + sahalie + cynical cyn

dear janet jackson

please dont go on david letterman in your first bigtime interview since your nipple changed the world and ask him not to talk about the only reason that anyone has wanted to interview you since you left “good times”.

people are going to want to talk about nipplegate for the rest of your life so i suggest you to get used to it.

just like youve hopefully gotten used to being asked about your crazy brother

your crazy sister

and your crazy family.

here’s how you should have handled last night’s interview:

“yeah dave, it really was an accident. im really sorry that things happened the way they did. im sorry that my nipple caused so much controversy. im sorry that children saw my nipple. but im even more sorry that conservatives saw my nipple and decided to use it as a way to inflict their extremist ways on american broadcasting.

“a black woman’s nipple shouldnt have that much power.

“people have been fired from their radio shows, bono’s f-word has been re-classified as being indecent, howard stern got fined for something he said years and years ago. and yet i wasnt fined!

“the fcc is really spinning out of control, and if the president doesnt get a grip on it he might be voted out of office because of my nipple and their reaction to it.”

instead you tried to be coy and quiet and that only brings about more probing and questioning, and like condi rice, makes you look more guilty than you might be.

even though you are probably lying about it being a mistake and an accident.

dave asked you point blank “what was supposed to happen” and you didnt answer him.

were you supposed to have a bra on? was a sticker with the logo from your new album supposed to be on your boobie? what was supposed to be there if not for your little nubbin?

simple question that you should have expected dave to ask.

he asks people questions, you realize, for a living.

you looked lovely, by the way. and that frame around your bellybutton distracted us from your bosom for at least a millisecond.

next time you might want to ask dave to let you sing your song first so that people remember that we should be paying more attention to your songs than your sex.

but what do i know, i show my nipples all the time and the fcc doesnt say shit.

next time claim sexism, cuz thats what it is you know.

get on david letterman and say, its sorta sexism when men can do things that women cant on tv.

and then let dave unfurl the comebacks.

your pal,


virginia anne + no matt + unswung