i think the real reason why im procrastinating on lick

is cuz i dont have a good cover concept. i love the stories, theyre great. i love what raspil has done but i dont have a great picture for the cover yet and even though i have until the end of the month for it i dont want to give people the wrong idea.

i do love this picture of tiffany and anti at tiffanys twentieth birthday party but is that really a cover?

i appreciate all the ladies who have been patient with me as i go through this struggle.

one of my favorite magazines, the beastie boys’ Grand Royal was like this.

they wouldnt come out for months, but when it did it was well worth the wait.

i got all six of their issues on ebay last year for thirty bucks.

one reason that i put the Lick blog up there was so people could write on there while the issue was getting put together.

im not exactly sure that people understand the blog and the zine and the differences.

thats fine.

people dont understand a lot of things.

thats why millions and millions and millions of people will actually vote for george bush in a few months.

and millions.

smart people even.

people who go through their lives not fucking up at all.

edjumacated people.

successful at business, career, and family.

people who dont buy unreasonably priced goods and services but will hire a guy who spends frivously and doesnt have a plan to get any money coming in.

people who are super against tax-and-spend but are somehow cool with dont-tax-and-spend.

maybe theyre just waiting on a good picture to inspire them before they get their heads out of their asses too.

mallory + anti + tiffany + lick mag + lick blog

fantasy baseball 2004 talk

another reason the busblog kicks wil wheatons ass

my man matt welch thinks his Corvids fantasy baseball team

is more superior than my Scrubbies

in the busblog fantasy baseball league? we’ll see about that.

his comments will be in italics

Welch sez: Let’s compare Scrubbies & Corvids:

Piazza vs. Posada. Your boy’s old & injured; mine’s reigning 3rd place MVP. I win.

posada had a good year last year. LAST year. it was the best season of his ho hum career. this is a guy who averages a strike out a game. posada barely got 30 hrs last year, in his best year ever, whereas piazza averages 32 a year. injured. mike piazza could hit a homer with a broken leg if he had to. remember when he got hit in the head and died? during the wake he hit a home run. with bleached locks.

and this year hes gonna do it shoeless to keep it real (pictured).

plus posada is a yankee. fuck the yankees. plus posadas gonna bat either seventh or eighth in the lineup. no need to give him any good pitches with the scary likes of enrique wilson looming on the on-deck circle swinging three bats.

piazza will be hurt And he will hit 30 homers AND drive in 100 ribbies AND stoke my slugging percentage.

and he will finally come out.

along with enrique wilson.

Kendall vs. Jason Phillips. Jason who?

yahoo fantasy baseball allows you to tweak the settings any way you want. you can have ten outfielders if you want, 18 relievers. anything.

i choose to have only two changes to the traditional fantasy format. instead of the typical generic OF positions, i like to have a LF, CF and RF. this makes things a tad harder, you have to actually think about the specific fields that these professionals work in, and i find it offensive that most hacks lump all outfielders together, as if it doesnt take a certain skill set for each position.

i also have two catchers. i do this because catchers are normally drafted lower in the draft. this happens because most catchers are not offense-generating gentlemen. typically. and fantasy sports is almost entirely about the o. so to shake things up, and to shine the spotlight even brighter on those few men who actually do bring pop to the lineup from behind the plate, i allow two catchers to start each game in my leagues.

jason kendall, my second catcher, since piazza will probably get hurt, as welch so heartlessly brought up, only got hurt once. a long time ago, after rolling his ankle in one of the most disturbing peices of video this blogger has ever seen. before the injury, kendall’s ba was in the 320s. after the injury he has steadilly gotten his swing back, and last year he regained his 320 average.

this year i expect him to hit .350, and start swiping bases again.

welch has piazzas backup jason thomas or something, who has only played in 136 games while looking like my bro mike hickey. he might not even end the season in the majors.

it’s i who wins. the only way i could have drafted better in this vital area of Catchers is if i would have gotten piazza and ivan rodriguez And jason kendall. which i will probably do next week even though catchers dont really win it or lose it for you in fantasy sports.

Thomas vs. Nick Johnson. $50 says I win.

as a cub fan i dont like picking white sox. but frank thomas hit 42 home runs last year and drew 100 walks. welch claims to have read Moneyball but doesnt have one motherfucker with 100 walks. i do. so i win. and my boy has a lifetime batting average of .312, which he will flirt with again this year as he seems to have recovered from that hideous bicep tear that i dont even want to think about.

the problem with the big hurt is that he has struck out 115 times both last year and the year before. thats not like him. once he calms down and realizes that the sox arent going anywhere and all he needs to worry about is personal statistics and on base percentage, he will be the scott hattenberg that we all know he can be.

nick johnson is a poor man’s brad fullmer, minus the one good year. nick played well for the yanks in last years post season but who couldnt tee off against that marlins pitching? oh thats right, the yankees couldnt. fuck the yankees.

nick johnson will never hit 500 homers, he’s barely driven in over 100 ribbies in his life, let alone average it a year. he looks old, he doesnt have vlad in the lineup, and worst yet: he’s the one expected to drive in runs like vlad did. he’s doomed. viva la france and the twelve people who will show up to watch the expos play this year, a walking corpse if ever there was one.

i’d take your $50, welch, but i dont take money from journalists.

cuz they never have any.

i will take an autographed corvids poster though.

and the joy in knowing i did what you should do at first base: get a heavy fucking hitter who drives in runs. and frank thomas is back and i have him and i got him in the ninth gdamned round.

thats called a sleeper, friends.

Young vs. Soriano. Same team. Guess who’ll start?

eric young is 100 years old. he swiped 28 bases despite being hurt. and popped a career-high 15 homers, mostly in milwaukee.

why the texas rangers chose to trade their franchise player for a second baseman is beyond me. so what if soriano is the best secondbaseman in baseball, and the future of the national pasttime. and steals around 40 bags a year and hits around 40 homers a year. and will hit 330 once he stops swinging at every pitch.

yes hes a stud, but the busblog fantasy league punishes him for his k’s which he will get more of once he realizes that he’s the only player on the field there at the ballpark in arlington. i say he gets pitched around and whiffs at at least three intentional walks.

what i plan on doing at second is platooning eric young and brian roberts in baltimore for those stolen bases, g.

you keep collecting those current and xyankees and those strikeouts.

Lowell vs. Glaus. One’s 27 & plays in a good HR park for righties. Other’s 31 or something & plays in the worse HR park for righties.

that 27 year old whiffs about 4.3 times for every homer, homer. in 2000 when he hit his career high 47 hrs he struck out 163 times. he’s also no gold glover and hasnt had mo to blame in years.

with an angel murderers row of vlad, anderson and glaus i predict him to drive in 100 ribbies… but at what cost?

mike lowell will also drive in 100 ribbies because he still has those rabbits castillo and pierre ahead of him, but he wont strike out, instead he will hit .275 for my ass.

production at the corners. not ks. plus glaus doenst walk nearly enough. and hes ugly.

he needs to come out too.

Jeter vs. Furcal. $5 says I win.

derek jeter had his worst year last year in his career with only 10 dingers, 11 sbs and 52 rbi’s. he also had 14 errors. his batting average mysteriously was .324 which apparently you can get away with when youre surrounded by studs.

this year jeter has more studs around him and a rod at third instead of a boone.

dont be suprised if he hits .375 with 35 homers and 30 sbs. theres no reason to steal bases when your lineup is indecent all the way down to enrigay wilson, but thats precisely why you run if you ask me.

theres only two yankees anyone should ever pick up for fantasy baseball, their shortstop and their closer.

this year the exception is their third baseman, but we’re ignoring him right now until i can trade for him. watch jeter get 111 runs this year too thanks to his thirdbaseman.

furcal is that guy who lied about his age. turns out he’s 37. which explains why he cant steal over 25 bases any more. it also explains why he’s whiffed nearly 200 times over the last two years.

and whaddup with his 31 errors last year?

to recap: ive demolished him with my two catchers, and at first, he wins at second, we’ll toss third up, but then i destroy him at short. that means im up $55 and a framed autographed corvids gold record.

outfielders and pitchers tonight or tomorrow.

aaron’s baseball blog + muscle 68 + welchie + have you bought the Corvids cd yet? it’s $12, what the hell.

join the other busblog fantasy baseball league:

live draft saturday @ noon + League ID# 88589 Password: blogger

but im gonna win that one too

black folk can get away with anything.

we have to keep reminding ourselves of that. bo jackson and michael jordan, michael jackson and oj. the fact that p diddy even has made one dollar is incredible but he was allowed to change his name several dozen times, do well in fashion, producing, creating television, and having the gayest manservant alive (pictured) while still not seeming gay is fascinating. magic got away with having aids. 50 got away with not even knowing how to rap, bobby mcfarren got away with a grammy, but i guess so did rob and fab. arsenio almost got away with it. gary coleman and emmanuelle lewis got away with it as kids, not so much now.

downtown julie brown is getting away with having that fake british accent. colin powell is getting away with it, as is condi rice – claiming to be republican, that is. jc watts somehow pulled it off despite being named jc watts.

i have no idea how charlie pride got away with it.

and heres oprah getting away with it.

please explain to me again how one person can be the richest most powerful woman on tv when she has one show. dont say its cuz she owns the oxygen channel because nobody watches the damn oxygen channel, nor reads her magazine, or watches dr. phil.

no way can she be that powerful or that rich.

no way.

and shes getting away with being fat.

and shes getting away with not having any damn kids.

and shes getting away with not getting married to steadman.

while being able to tell america what tossing a salad is on national tv when Only kids are watching

pretty much.

does she get fined by the fcc?

haiiiiiiiiiiillllllll no.

fool you musta lost your mind. oprah? oprah winfrey?

wigga please.

prince gets away with it. tyson gets away with it. mariah whitney r kelly get away with it cuz blacks can do anything.

snoop dogg smoked dope made porn rapped about pimping his hoes and being in a gang and even when murder was the case he slipped between their hands and looked smoooove on the way out.

ice cube has said fuck the police, the fbi, and amerikkka and got away with it.

kobes gonna get away with it, cheating that is. tiger woods is getting away with nailing that blonde model chick. and michael powell is getting away with not fining oprah.

and i think thats a good thing.

cuz sometimes those light skinned brothas wont give a sista a break.

i got a break during today’s fantasy draft:

M. Piazza (NYM – C)

J. Kendall (Pit – C)

F. Thomas (CWS – 1B)

E. Young (Tex – 2B)

M. Lowell (Fla – 3B)

D. Jeter (NYY – SS)

C. Floyd (NYM – LF)

S. Podsednik (Mil – CF)

S. Sosa (ChC – RF)

L. Walker (Col – RF)

�. S�nchez (Det – CF)

B. Roberts (Bal – 2B)

B. Col�n (Ana – SP)

D. Lowe (Bos – SP)

D. Willis (Fla – SP)

T. Glavine (NYM – SP)

C. Pavano (Fla – SP)

J. Julio (Bal – RP)

J. Mesa (Pit – RP)

M. MacDougal (KC – RP)

C. Pavano (Fla – SP)

B. Koch (CWS – RP)

happy bday artlung + dc + tiffany