Hey Tony,

ribs I don’t know if you read your emails or not, but I have been reading your site almost everyday for the past two years and really appreciate both the things you say and how you say them. I don’t always agree, but I admire the way you put yourself out there and do it.

Anyways, I’m writing because after reading your series of postings on your old girlfriend I was wondering if you would write your ideas for getting over a broken heart. Mine’s been thoroughly broken by a guy and I guess I figure words of wisdom from a 111 year old man might help. I’m pretty good at falling in love, it’s the out of it that I need some help with.



Hi Jennifer,

Firstly, thank you for being such a loyal reader for such a long time. I’m sorry that you and your man have parted ways, but yes you came to the right place.

in my 111 years of walking this crust i too have fallen in love and had my heart broken. there are many paths to love but only one way to cure a heartbreak.

a new love.

you can weep you can reminisce, you can dwell, you can drink, enter a life of crime, become a workaholic, find religion, cut your hair, work out, binge, purge, switch politcal parties, become a world famous blogger, start new vices, become a tax attorney – but the only thing that will mend a broken heart is a new love interest and a new relationship.

you can fool yourself into thinking that you’re over a past love, but you can’t truly shut that door until a new one opens.

my advice is to start dating anyone who asks. jump in. jump in head first.

i also recommend putting everything that reminds you of your past love into boxes, storage, and/or the trash. only spend a total of one weekend performing this task. dont make it long and drawn out. the idea is to rid your life of the past, so put everything into boxes, seal them up and put them into the garage, crawl spaces, or dark closets and do not open these up until you know in your heart that its ok to open them.

heres how you know its ok to open them: when theres a new dude in your house who turns around when you yell, yo boyfriend!

i lived with my true love for 5 years. the minute i knew that we were going to call it quits i started finding who i was going to date next (pictured). it’s the only way.

some think that it’s disrespectful to your old relationships to get new loves right away, those people are fools. life is painfully short. if you can find love instead of suffering and sadness, go for the love. if you can find lust instead of misery and loneliness, get yourself a little backseat lust.

if you must mope, do it in poems, post the poems on your blog and once youve hit “publish post” pop some porn into the vcr and get the blood moving in your body. when youre done go to the nearest bar and flirt with the hottest person you see. there is nothing to lose if you do this, except for the sadness.

and sadness is not your friend.

gorilla mask + terra + paige

Leave a Reply