my nutritionist is not the least bit happy

with all this McRib chatter.

its almost like im cheating on her in some weird way.

little does she know that i am tempted all day in this office by odd foods.

take this bag of chips for example.

youd think a man could dip his hands into a bag of tostidos and pull out a chip. but no. there appears to be some home made brownie / fudge in there looking to sabotage him.

theres also pizza, thai food, cakes, candy jars, cupcakes, and even a damn test kitchen in this building producing all sorts of tasty delectables and leading this sinner into temptation.

i am but a man.

i only have one life to live.

me want cookies.

but me also want a waist that i dont need a new zip code for.

me also want to fit into my jeans without having to suck it all in first.

me also want to rip off my tear-away warmup pants preceding intimate moments and produce a different reaction than hilarious guffaws.

my heros are harry caray and charles bukoski. they never counted their calories or ran around hollywood in the middle of the night.

theyre also dead. but when they were alive they Lived.

i wanna live while i am alive. i wanna eat drink and be with mary.

i see the men you women date. they dont all look like that guy in the Ab Blaster commercial.

they look like theyve eaten a few brownies hiding out in a Tostidos bag.

like you, america, i want it all.

ran down sunset to highland and then down hollywood blvd

saw three hookers.

i think cuz its pretty warm at night, for decemeber

saw these two cops pull over a car and then give me a good look as i ran by.

two people said hi to me.

one person walked past me with his mouth open as far as he could open it.

saw several people dressed up to be out on the town.

saw a wax statue of snoop doggy dogg that looked really real

and saw a woman who looked like a celebrity, but wasnt.

ran past this house where inside two people were talking

and the dude goes its too bright in here and put a blanket over his head

like he was a ghost.

left it on, and went back to the conversation.

saw all these people being interviewed to be servers at my favorite lunch restaurant

ate pie when i got home.