you all know mr todd martens

but do you know why hes smiling?

cuz he beat the f outta cancer.

see that scar? todd was at the doctor and the doctor said:

all those years of basking in the right field bleachers of wrigley has gotten you skin cancer

todd said left field doc, left field. (right field sucks.)

then todd sucker punched his primary care physician, rifled through the cabinets until he found a scalpel. and




out of his 48 inch python.

totally not his pitching arm but that doesnt even matter either.

what matters is he took the cancer and showed it to his totally freaked out and cowering doctor sprawled on the floor and said is this it? IS THIS THE CANCER DOC?!!!!?!?!11?

he was all yes i guess yes!

and todd flicked it out the window

opened the door

paid the nurse his $25 co-pay

and sewed up his arm with a guitar string left handed

while reviewing the new frightened rabbits epic with his right.

because sometimes, friends, it aint no thing.

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