katy perry strolled over and said how long you been sick

katy perryi was all, im not sick, im fit as a fiddle.

she said i can even see through bs. how long have you been sick?

she had her hair up like i like it, a full tray of adult beverages including my favorite

a thick stout salt rimmed glass filled to the brim with margarita.

it was blue with a gold top.

or was that her.

i said for so long.

she said the only way out is through, but that you knew.

she asked why do you have two tvs in your bedroom

i said because i havent saved enough for the third.

even though we’re allegedly in the middle of el nino, it hadnt rained in a while and we even had the window open

the drapes floated in the breeze

and i hopped up to refresh the drinks.

all i knew was the kittens seemed so happy just snoozing on the leather couch in the living room not giving one care what was happening over there.

or over there

or there

or here

why donald trump will lose by one vote from being president

donald trump

we all have self esteem issues.

which is great otherwise we’d all be insufferable assholes.

the fact that donald trump truly believes that he will build a wall

a great wall

and have mexico pay for it is rooted in the same belief he has

that he would make a great president of the united states

even though he would be a disaster

and probably gang-stabbed by the masses like caesar before his first term was over.

he is winning in the polls because he is winning in our hearts.

he is the voice that we wish we had when we are hit with tough obstacles

“my haters love me. my opponents are losers. my whole life’s on fleek.”

“i can’t be bought.”

only that last thing matters.

because money (and not great ideas) makes the world go round,

everyone else in the race has to pretend that corporations and evildoers are


lining their pockets with literally millions and millions of dollars.

we always knew that was fucked up but we resigned ourselves to the concept

that money is speech and there was nothing else we can do to stop it.

theres always a way.

and the new way is hire a billionaire.

but unlike most billionaires, donald trump has a way with words.

he’s also believable, entertaining, and weirdly the guy next door.

we’ve definitely sat next to a loud mouth like him at a ball game.

his only problem is he has no experience in this realm, he takes bad advice,

and many fear he is a little too trigger happy in regards to nuking countries who also have nukes.

what donald trump is doing, though, is pushing the envelope so wide that someone

who once would have seemed super radical

next to trump, seems palatable.

that super radical is def not secretary clinton

but it’s bernie sanders,

the sort of crazy this country just might need right now.

if you dont think america is nuts you arent paying attention

voted for bush twice, then obama twice

and its allowing there to be a discussion about the DH in the NL.

if you drug tested this nation its piss would be dirtier than tap water from flint michigan.

the only thing american like better to do than watch football, buy guns and drink bud light

is voting for the most extreme person running for president

we want the world and we want it now

larry david is going to have the best

four years ever