my red phone rang.

i nearly shit. no one knows about that line except my boss, so i thought i was getting fired.

it was him. “tony! the instapundit linked you!!!!”

i said, “no way.”

he said, “way! way way way!”

i said, “for what?”

he said, “for your stupid weezer thing.”

i said, “i think this is the first time that ive been linked by him since i auctioned off something ridiculous.”

my boss said, “why do you think he doesn’t link you?”

i said, “i think it’s cuz i dont write enough.”

my boss said, “yeah, and [click]”

it was my call waiting. i excused myself. who on Earth was calling my hot line?

“collect call from Rome,” the automated voice said. i dont pay the bills on the phone so i accepted the call, although i was about to pity the fool for not using 1800COLLECT.

“Tony I VON I VON!”

i would recognize that voice anywhere. it was anna. my love.

“of course you won, baby. i always said you would win.”

it helped that she wasnt facing Venus Williams who had dropped out, but i kept that to myself.

“oh it was fantastic tony, everything i hit was right. my shots were like lazers, my serves were perfect. oh, i wish you could have seen it.”

“trust me anna, we all wish we could see it.” i said. “what was the score?”

“6-1 4-6 6-1” she yelled.

God it was good to hear those upper registers.

“Anna you fucking killed her.”

“I know I know I know!” she said.

“hey did you hear that that st. louis jeweler said that he thought those pictures were of you because of diamater of your nipples?”


“oh shit, anna i gotta go, my boss is on the other line.”


“im so sorry, congratulations, kid, but i gotta go. im sorry, i’ll talk to you tonight.”


“this is the red phone, baby, you know that.”


“ok, bye.”

“hey!” she pouted. “dont you love me?”

“yes, i love you anna. nice work!”

“caio, babeee.”

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