hopefully by now you know

that im the biggest nerd, cuz i am.

i also have the greatest friends. and one of them works for the cable network E!

she gave me a celebrities uncensored tshirt a few years ago and lets me know every year that brooke burke is signing her calendar.

this year was no different, except i got to meet the producer of one of my favorite tv shows of all time, the howard stern show.

after a quickie busride i got to meet mr stuart berkowitz who edits all of the stern shows that you see on e!

i wanted to take him out for drinks but he had plans. oh well, it was nice to at least take a picture with him and then stand in line and get the new brooke burke calendar and take my annual picture with her.

its funny cuz i never know what to ask people to sign, and now with ebay its weird just to ask them to autograph it, but thats really all i want. i dont need them to write anything special.

i guess if i was really keeping it real i would have had her write something like

to the biggest nerd i know


i have two kids and i look better than you ever will


please stop stalking me, seriously, youre scary

instead she just wrote

to tony,

i will forget about you before this ink dries,


shes so cool.

know who else is cool? raymi.

and finally shes being exploited properly.

i went to her page today and saw she was linked to a new thing. i think its canadian. shes giving out free advice.

god i love socialism.

bill gates got us giant anti-spyware for christmas + zulieka didnt blow me + write hard has vida

happy birthday nomatt!

this week in rock in LA

tonight 12/17

peter case + dave alvin, dipiazza’s restaurant

black eyed peas, key club

slayer + mastadon + killswitch engage, universal

jimmy smith, hallenbeck’s general store

taylor dayne, vault 360

tomorrow 12/18

stevie wonder + alicia keys + ziggy marley + angie stone, forum

marilyn manson, wiltern

chaka kahn, orpheum

brian setzer, universal

betty buckley, cinegrill

sunday 12/19

marilyn manson, wiltern

lit, el rey

monday 12/20

marilyn manson, wiltern

turbonegro + eagles of death metal, house of blues

tuesday 12/21

trick daddy, vault 360

the muffs + ronnie spector, house of blues

grandmaster flash + biz markie, conga room

stan ridgeway, largo

the like, the viper

el vez, knitting factory

wednesday 12/22

ozomalti + kinky, disney hall

thursday 12/23

keb mo, disney hall

matt costa, the echo

big flounder + maizzy + the holywriter

right around dinnertime the girls wanted to change outfits

so i floated downstairs and saw that kurt was onstage singing tsar tunes for the crowd. everyone was loving it.

when he was done he sat next to me at my little table. i was sipping cuban rum. there was a nice tall glass of coke with a cherry in it that i was playing with.

boy thats fun. kurt said.

dont you get to play much in heaven?

so many good players up there, sometimes i just like to listen.

then we started talking about led zeppelin. kurt plays with bonham and hendrix all the time in elvis’s punk rock band, if you can believe it.

the king loves punk. loves it. says it’ “liberating”.

i dont know what to say to something like that so i asked him, if you could only have one cd, would it be zeppelin one or zeppelin two?

well i like the long, drawn out zep the best. and even though i wouldn’t like to turn my back on “whole lotta love,” i’d have to pick zep one. youve got “dazed and confused” with that creeping, gnarly, ominious bass line. you got “babe, im gonna leave you” where robert plant really gets off. and then you’ve got my favorite zep tune of all “your time is gonna come.” it’s like an anthem hiding in a whisper.

and with that we clicked glasses and each took an end from the giant hookah and inhaled

held it

held it



aaaaaaaaaaah and then exhaled.

coughed out a bunch of smoke and then laughed and laughed and cleared out the lungs with some guinness.

followed by a jello shot.

followed by a rum shot.

washed down with a nice pull from the cherry coke.

i really do love your blog. you do things that no one else does.

ah, kurt youre way too kind.

do any of the letters you get… are any of them real?

actually, yes, some are real. lots are real, actually. just the other day i got an email from a very sweet girl who gave me her picture once and then never again. i dont know why. i told her to send more so she should have understood that that meant that i wanted to see more of her. we even set up a night to meet at the Rustic, but she never showed. anyhow the day before i was killed she sent me this great story. a Christmas miracle, really. if they had the internet here i would show it to you.

kurt pointed to the table and there appeared inside the table, sunken like inside in another dimension a laptop computer, i put my hands inside the table and brought it out.

i stopped the waitress with the jello shots and took two more, handed one to kurt and logged into my hotmail.

ah yes, here it is, my man.

dear tony,

boy have i got a story for you,

you’ll never believe this one…

sunday night, my roommate and i had all of our girlfriends over for a holiday party/gift exchange. my girlfriend roxie was smoking on the balcony, and started shouting for me to come and look at something… so i go out on the balcony, and she says, “isn’t that your truck?”… (by the way, my truck was stolen 3 weeks ago). so anyway, i’m looking at it, but this truck had one of those tool shed thingys on the back of it. but i decided to run downstairs anyway. when i got downstairs, the truck seemed to have stalled or something… so i calmly walked over to the truck, snuck a peek at the license plate, and almost fainted… it was my truck! a weird rush of insanity came over me… and i walked right up to the driver side window. the guy rolled down the window, and i calmly said… “i just want to let you know i already called the cops… this is my truck, it was stolen 3 weeks ago.” there were 2! guys, and a girl… they all looked at each other, then at me… like i was crazy, and they had no idea what i was talking about. so, i then said, ” look, i don’t have time for this shit, it was stolen from merle’s auto shop 3 weeks ago. get the fuck out of my truck.” simultainesly, the 3 perps jump out of my truck and start running down the street. i couldn’t believe it. the next thing you know, i’m sitting in my recovered truck, not knowing how to turn it off, cause it was hotwired. by this time, there are about 10 drunk girls on the corner yelling and screaming… cause i got my truck back, and no one could believe how freaking weird it was. all of the sudden, my friend katy yells, “oh shit, thats them in that white truck over there!” so, seeing as we were all drunk at this point, (about 11:00pm), we all had a serious dose of liquid courage… Then i hear my roommate yell, “get the license plate number!”. We all l! ooked at eachother, and the next thing you know… there go 10 girls, in heels, chasing a car down the street. needless to say, the perps weren’t very happy about that, so they started throwing stuff at us. my friend brandy got hit with a bottle. anyway, we successfully got the plate #. and i got my truck back, along with a tool shed thingy full of tools, a drill press, with the bit, two spare tires, and a new sound system that they had installed in my truck. oh, it gets better… the idiot left his day planner in the truck… so when the cops arrived, they opened it…and what was on the first page? IF LOST PLEASE RETURN TO… thats right, total fucking idiot. so, right now, my truck is at the police impound yard, being dusted for finger prints. Can you believe that shit? to tell you the truth, i’m stoked i got my truck back and all, but… that shit freaked me out. how is my stolen truck gonna stall out, righ! t in front of my own house? bizarre.

kurt asked, was that from ashley?

i said, nah, ashley drives a cute little car, not a truck.

ashley is hot.

all the girls in cali are hot, buddy.

and we clinked our glasses again and before we could slam our glasses down a man in an apron held out the big triangle and struck it with a drumstick and said, “soup’s on mothafuckas!”

and everyone kicked over their chairs and ran to the buffet room.

moxie + zulieka + rabbit