a year ago


being that this is probably the only blog you’ll read today written by an african american let me say a few things about how i feel about kwanza, since its approaching and all.

fuck fucking kwanza.



our fucking dude was born and youre going to even for a second whip out some fucking bullshit kwanza nonsense.

motherfucking santa claus wasnt enough?

my bro ian drove me home today from work. we were going to the mountainside hollywood hills secret lair so usually we just go straight up wilton.

wilton north of beverly has some kickass homes. two million dollar ones. million dollar ones. big ones. bigger ones.

huge ones.

on some of the huge ones i saw some equally ginormous christmas decorations. i saw a blowup snowman that was at least a story tall and twenty feet wide.

i saw christmas lights the size of footballs.

and yes, i saw some giant images of santa claus.

of all the people in the world who should be saying, “man im glad you were born, my lord,” it should be them, the filthy rich.

but instead they celebrate the birth of their messiah with huge images of winnie the pooh wearing a fake white beard

like fucking fools

waiting by the mailboxes etc for their golden calves to arrive.

and then theres kwanza.

one thing black people can do well is praise jesus. we do it better than anyone in the world. the music we make when we do it might be the most magical of all music, the preachers we have might be the best there ever were, and the clothes we wear to church are the sharpest.

then on the flip side we have our brothers and sisters who are muslim, and watch them pray. they win at praying. they win at pilgrimiging. they win at letting their spirituality become a solid and regular part of their lives.

with those two options, theres no need for any damn kwanza. some watered down bullshit made up strip mall phony holiday so you can wear a koofi? fuck that shit. we need to focus up on the biggest birthday of the year. we dont need no stinkin kwanza getting in the way.

black folk, the racists want us to have kwanza. it makes us look ridiculous and lost. kwanza represents something missing from being Christian. racists dont want black folk being Christian. they dont want to be equals to us. they dont want to share beliefs, they dont want to have anything to do with us, cuz they know that familiarity destroys ignorance, and only the ignorant can remain hateful.

worst thing you could do to a racist is go to his church, stand next to his daughter, sing the songs better, know the word better, and exclusively talk about america as if its your home and has been for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years longer than him.

watch him smile when you talk about africa, cuz thats where he wants you.

keep your koofi.

pass the turkey.

read the bible.

f old santa

and the kwanza

and the reign deer

and the pooh bear.

and the sleigh bells

and the dead trees.

get on your knees

thank the savior

wrap your presents

say your dumb prayers.

– page 204, 205 from How To Blog

the unsomnambulist + the deputy + pauly d

set your tivos good people

to the Screen Savers on G4TV (formerly TechTV) for this Monday, December 13 cuz yours truly will be on it talking about my new book How To Blog

which by the way is selling like hotcakes all of a sudden.

to which i must thank all of you who are talking about it on your blogs.

The Screen Savers is one of my favorite shows and im stoked that they have moved down here from frisco.

im sorta glad that Leo LaPorte isnt on it any more because that dude is like one of my all-time idols and if he was interviewing me i would probably come off no better than stutterring john.

which isnt to say that i wont make a fool of myself

but be prepared for a very special screensavers cuz either i will totally rock or i will totally fall on my face.

im quite nervous. ive been on tv before. ive spoken in front of people a lot before. but it usually was representing something else like WebTV or Microsoft or Philips Electronics or something that had nothing to do with me so it was easy to distance what i was talking about from me.

this is truly different because these are my deepest darkest personal lies that i edited, whose cover i designed, whose hype im responisble for.

the biggest fear i have is i will come across as boring.

i know there are kids out there who think that blogging is the dumbest nerdiest lamest thing, and in many cases i agree with them.

and those are the kids i will try, foolishly, to win over.

and in a small way thats why i created the list which turned into the book.

and then there are the people out there who truly want to learn about what blogging is and how it’s done. i hope i dont ignore those people, cuz theyre really who i should be talking to.

and finally there’s the hot chicks who i’ll be trying to make fall in lust with me.

not sure how i will accomplish that by being on G4TV, but expect the unexpected is what i was taught as a child.

either way it will be a reason to wake up monday morning.

i will take lots of pictures so you guys can see what goes on behind the scenes, etc., and if anyone out there knows how to turn such a show into something that you can download and watch on your computers, that would be amazing.

in other news, tonight is the xbi christmas party.

and karisa is my date!

blondes bloggers have more fun.

sk smith + doc searls + wil wheaton