two years ago


have i told you that the people on the bus can be rude? have i told you that life isnt fair?

have i told you that work is hell sometimes like on hot days up in a whirlybird when all you want to do is take off your shoes and walk on the beach for even 15 minutes.

i want to take off my shirt and lay in the sun and listen to floyd zep doors dead santana janes pixies angus malcom, me and the ladies went to rock n roll thai the other night and first they put in pixies doolittle then they put in porno for pyros and i couldnt have picked two better cds or ten better dishes that we munched to.

i want to borrow somebodys golden retriever and somebody elses frisbee and somebody elses girlfriend and somebody elses convertible and i want to drive everyone to zuma where i belong today.

have i told you ive had the most wonderful life?

do you know i have the bestest friends and the nicest inbox.

when im up here chasing criminals and listenening to all the drama in my earpiece the best way for me to protect my soul is to remember that this thing could collapse any minute and the next minute i will be a splat on the 405 only to be cooked by the firey explosion and rush hour traffic.

so i think about the nice things, like spider rings and candy necklaces on girls with experience.

the devil messes with my hairline and my dumb face and my kidneys and my confidence but the angels send a parade of miracles my way every damn day.

cubs are still in first place.

cubs will stay in first place.

this guy we’re staking out doesnt know there are twenty xbi agents listening to his every word.

he keeps singing living la vida loca to himself.

one of our guys is calling him gay, but our info says hes not gay. now the debate is whether or not its gay to be humming or singing or whistling ricky martin.

now one of our sharpshooters, a woman, is asking us why we men are so concerned if someone is gay or not.

now i cant get that stupid song out of my head.

now im singing it in my microphone.

now lots of people are singing it in their microphones!

now im laughing.

fast fiction + shane nickerson + coop + treacher

my coveted picks

for the Gorilla Mask Death Pool 2005 are in, and as Mr. T predicted “pain” in Rocky II, i predict “death” for the following gentlemen.

yes, this year my list comprises only men including two sitting presidentes.

at the top of the list is the supreme court justice, who everyone knows is gonna eat it,

next is the religious leader who will meet his maker

then michael moore’s best friend who was close to the edit two movies ago

and then we have michael douglas’s dad whose one handed pushups will be missed

then comes americas oldest teenager who michael moore exposed in roger & me

fish is the man that most people have thought has been dead for years, but no, not until this year i predict will he sleep with the fishes

i get nervous when i get a new mole on my head, jerry lewis has an entire head on his mole, and will die

i would love to visit cuba before fidel exuents, but im not thinking im going to get that trip

gerald ford will die, i predict, and people will come out of the woodwork to say nice things about him, even though i dont remember anything ever nice being said about him

and finally our dear leader was a faulty hand grenade away from tapping out, but not even hell wants dubya.. yet.

here is my list

1. William Rehnquist
2. Billy Graham
3. Charlton Heston
4. Kirk Douglas
5. Dick Clark
6. Abe Vigoda
7. Jerry Lewis
8. Fidel Castro
9. Gerald Ford
10. George W. Bush

go to Gorilla Mask to make your list, and feel free to put your pics here in my comments so we can compare and contrast.

break a leg!

hola estonia + bonjour australia + viva estonia + aloha norway