the amazing race

season finale


last year they had us pulling for charla the dwarf, and this year they had us rooting both for and against survivors rob and amber.

as a proud black man, though, of course i was rooting for my people, who rob last night accurately called “the black couple”

which i agree is all they were until my brotha picked up the golf club(!) and chipped a ball 135 yards onto a green after just a few strokes.

their names are Uchenna and Joyce and because they lost the second to last leg, they had all their money and possessions taken away and these people had to beg for money in airports, and finally yards away from the finish line in order to win one of the most exciting races jerry bruckheimer has ever orchestrated.

it was the second time in a row that the black couple has won the globe trotting made for tv race

not that anyones counting.

rob and amber were excellent competitors, extremely cool under pressure, aware of the fact that they were despised by the other teams, but they just kissed and smiled as they worked every single angle in the one-of-a-kind game where the winning team wins a million dollars.

throughout the race, no matter what continent they were on, either “boston” rob or survivor champ amber brkich would get recognized by a local who would help them with directions or whom would sometimes ride along for long portions of the race.

although it was definately a brilliant move to have rob and amber in the game, and what luck was it to have them in their to root for all the way up until the end when it was impossible to root against uchenna and joyce agu. joyce cut off her long locks during one challenge and uchenna simply would not give up and begged men and women alike for money even when it looked dire. however, if it wasnt for a willing airline pilot who let the couple on the plane for the very last leg of the race, rob and amber would be a million dollars richer.

but the best part about this race was that with the lead with a few yards from the finish line uchenna and joyce realized that they didnt have enough money to pay the cab driver who took them to their final destination, which was in a park next to a luxury hotel.

instead of telling the cabbie “let me get back to you in 2 SECONDS after i win a million dollars” uchenna begged tourists and visitors for $20 each. even $10 will do he pleaded with fat izod wearing company men on vacation in their rental sedans. valueable time melted away as people declined handing over their “extra” money to these crazy bald black people who seemed nice but… had no money for some reason.

the taxi waited as the wife pleaded with her husband to simply cross the finish line but uchenna on principle was firm when he said, my man has to get paid.

i screamed, i laughed, i cried.

when people proudly say that they dont even have televisions, never mind watch reality tv, i pity the fools for missing real human dramas which sometimes… sometimes… show the humanity of the people even in the face of personal gain, even in the face of defeat.

marissa + perfect pear + black feminism dot org + lynne d johnson

a year ago


clipper girl invited me to her house to do laundry last night which usually means that her roommate will cook for us and try to get me naked.

last night was no different.

before i knew it i was full of stirfry and only wearing some blue cloud pajama bottoms. there were coors light bottles half empty on the crystal coffee table and lingerie draped over the plasma screen tv. i didnt even know that the timberwolves game had gone into overtime until too late.

and then before you could say who put that in my drink i was passed out on the overstuffed chenille couch only aware of the giggling and the flash bulbs going off.

this morning i woke up in a far too sunny bedroom with tori amos playing on the imac. why is it that theres never enough blankets on girls’ beds? too many pillows and not enough blankie. she read my mind and esp’ed

must you always complain.

outside the gardeners were already trimming the trees and i thought i was late but she assured me that i wasnt. then i realized that it wasnt the same she who esp’ed me. it was a different she. a taller she. who are these people i thought. why do i have a headache again.

then i realized that while i slept i had had two dreams.

why was i dreaming? the xbi had stopped me from dreaming years ago, but all of a sudden i had begun those nocturnal lies again and it made me pissed off.

i hate dreams so much you have no idea.

you cant run from them, you cant fight them, you cant ignore them. they flash in your head at your most vulnerable state and take over your mind.

so not cool.

so not cool.

they ro-sham-bo’ed for the shower and giggled out of the room apparently compromising to take it together and before i could ask for someone to get me some orange juice i turned to the alarm clock and saw that not only was it earlier than i thought but there was a slice of wheat toast, buttered, with a small bite taken out of it sitting next to a tall glass of apple juice, my favorite.

and yes i dreaded going into the office and yes its true that in two weeks i will be celebrating my third year at the xbi, and yes i am in some ways the luckiest and unluckiest man in the world

but at that moment i had everything i wanted, toast, juice, peace, and quiet.

little did i know that there were imminent plans for me including much louder music, hand restraints, and two chocolate flavored condoms whose aroma was far too strong for such a hungover and sensitive morn.

fil + jaime + rev etienne + xTx

today is my first girlfriend mary’s birthday.

shes 27. we met when we were one. actually we met at a courtyard on the other side of town. i always hung out over there for some reason, first because of ilka. one day this chick sue was walking around with a tall blonde. the rest is the begining of my life. me and mary talked on the phone for hours, sometimes every day. she lived on the edge of one town and i lived on the edge of another, but because we lived in the far west suburbs there werent a lot of roads so we thought we lived really far from each other because of how far it was to drive there.

then one day they built a road right through the farms and it turned out we lived exactly one mile away. on that day she found out that her dad was transferring to california. that night i decided i had to kiss her for the first time and see what i could do about making her my girlfriend.

i took her to the matthew broderick ally sheedy movie wargames.

the movie was so good i forgot to make a move, so i had to ask her out for the next weekend.

that one was steve martin’s the man with two brains. that one was good too but i stayed focused because she was probably going to have to move away in two or three weeks. her dad worked for a company id never heard of before. a group of undercover superheroes called the xbi.

catholicism had made me incredibly superstitious in my youth. so as i drove her home in my mothers car i said if a good song came on the radio id try to kiss her. this was a tricky situation because the radio in chicago at that time was really bad and youd be lucky if you heard a good song once a week. maybe.

tom petty’s breakdown came on, i pulled into her driveway and i kissed her.

my memory is so bad they made a movie about it, memento. but i remember all of that night. people who know how much i forget might be amazed by what i can remember.

i remember that mary was the best first girlfriend a boy could have had.

running into her that day in that courtyard should have clued me in that i would be the luckiest man ever.

her number was 528-1722.

raymi + umbrellaless + charly