hey tony,

why is TO [Philadelphia Eagles Wide Receiver Terrell Owens] such a douche? and what surprised me even more was that his agent was even more outspoken than he was. what makes these people think that they are bigger than the game and that they can go and fuck around with their team owners and whine like little bitches. favre had it right. honor your mother fucking contract. why can’t players like TO get it through their heads?

– Ryan

dear ryan,

its funny but i get these sorts of questions all the time. so let me answer yours.

perhaps people havent realized it yet, but theres a difference between Black people and white people.

and when it comes to football theres a huge difference, particularily between white quarterbacks and black wide receivers.

black wide receivers are flashy, incredible, loud, emotional, and flamboyant. its almost part of the deal. and what ive noticed is the only people who complain about them are white fans who always want to compare them to white quarterbacks.

terrell owens is loud, has a big mouth, signed a touchdown football seconds after he caught it, ran to midfield to spike a different touchdown football on the star in dallas, got in some controversey for the “nude” desperate housewives commercial on abc…

and if you recall, risked his career a few months ago by limping onto the field at the superbowl and caught 9 balls for 122 yards in a losing effort against the new england pats.

probably because i am a Black man, i find no issue with owens being who he is. infact i find it hypocritical that those who will fill the stands to watch the flash and acrobatics of guys like owens, are also those who will be the first to condemn him when he wants a raise or wants to beat his chest.

it would be one thing if owens didnt produce in the clutch, but bro produced in the clutch.

everyones all, but he has no class, but he should honor his contract, but what example is he being for the kids, etc

and i keep thinking, i dont look to football players for class, most pro atheletes have incredibly short careers so get that money, and heres the example that TO offers kids: if youre going to be flashy and have a big mouth you better back it up.

im old enough to remember when John McEnroe played tennis. and when he did he would yell at the linesmen and the umpire and the fans and once i even saw him yell at the blimp thousands of feet above the US Open.

some speculated that when he did that it charged him up and motivated him and helped him win.

as a sports fan, i want players to be charged up, and i like it when they talk shit, and i like it when they bring a new level of excitement.

it does not turn me on when the big fat white tight end catches a three yard shovel pass and place the ball on the ground. maybe thats your cup of tea but i dont even like tea.

i like the fun bunch, i like billie whiteshoes johnson, i like joe horn, i like randy moss mooning the packers fans, i like the raiders, i like ac/dc blaring from the loud speakers, i like fans booing opposing players, and yes i like terrell owens limping onto the superbowl field at 75% and playing at 100%.

yes i liked joe montana all cool calm and collected, and yes i like brett favre, but i like black quarterbacks hurdling defenders way more. i like those shimmies on the sweeps and the scrambling and the soul. i work all week and sit infront of my big screen on sundays not to see tom brady’s perfectly diagramed short passes but to see michael vick take my breath away – even if he throws up 8 picks.

the best thing to happen to football over the last few years have been randy moss, michael vick, and terrell owens.

you can have tom brady, peyton manning, and ben roethlisberger but i like a little hot sauce on my hotdog.

and i’ll tell you what, i appreciate the white guys on the field, but i pay money for the TOs out there. and because of that he deserves as much flowage as his agent can get him.

now be careful out there.

ryan + flagrant + simpleton + all things christie

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