in the old days i would be here in this little motel

with a pipe still smoking on the nightstand next to a demolished bag of puffed cheetos and a half full can of diet soda and the music on and the heater on and a soiled hand towel in a forgotten corner so one doesnt accidentally step on the dna and a wet shower still hot from ultra hotness and a frantic and unsuccessful hunt for chocolate.

if 2005 has brought one suprising thing to this little blogger it would have to be that for some reason i stopped smoking weed. a shocker if ever there was one since i still have fond feelings for the magical herb that grows in the ground that not even the Bible has any problem with. but thats me, other than the cubbies and my college friends i have an odd way of throwing away the things that i like.

so instead of being the stony tony in coos bay tonight im phoney the sober blogger and i hope that i dont disappoint. i wont blog about this $59 room or the scariness of it, or the fact that i, even i, dont want to walk on the carpet without slippers (which i always travel with), and even though it smelled musty that was instanly cured with the tea lights that i told you to bring and now you know why, and i wont tell you about the paper thin walls that allow you to hear the neighbors hack as they smoke their crack, or the trucker sports bar filled with motorcyclists who love to rev their hogs right outside my door and shockingly dont kick my ass when i open the door and give em the international wtf sign of both arms out to the side palms up.

ive got a few ass kickings coming my way but today it appears is not the day. but the weather got me. thats for damn sure.

the 101 was closed right below where i blogged during my late lunch and it didnt re-open. “major landslide” the website proclaimed, so i turned around and drove north against my best wishes.

the plan today had been to try to drive 10 hours so i could be home tomorrow afternoon in time to take pictures of people waiting outside in pasedena for the rose parade because for some reason i take better night pics than day pics and instead of learning my trade i just play off my strengths, cuz seriously, why improve at anything? it’ll only lead to mo money hos and ripped up panty hose.

the trip up here to western oregon was uneventful and beautiful. i like driving in the darkness. i like driving through small towns and pretending that everyones like those hillbillies in the simpsons. i like stretches of highway where you can turn on your brights and not have to turn them off for a half hour. i like pissing in the cold and watching a steaming arch of bright yellow and wondering how the hell did it get so bright?

i like being able to sit in this room for hours and read all of your blogs. yes even yours. i like catching up. i like being on the road but its a pain in the ass cuz no one has the internet the way i like it except for this motel that has a lot of strikes against it cuz you get what you pay for and the best western in $80 so if youre gonna be cheap and save $22 its gonna be tiny and a lil stinky and coughy and ewwwy and one table is gonna have a mini fridge on top of it and the desk is gonna have the microwave on it but instead of complaining complainer at least you have those things and speeding fast wifi and two wall lamps right above the headboard to bash your head on four times which would have been fourty times if youd smoked out.

i have a good life and i know it. i have a long drive tomorrow and i know it. the question is will i be able to get out of oregon? the 101 where im now is closed in two places cuz of ma nature, and if i get cocky and scoot over to the 5 its snowing up there and closed and fucked up too. which means i can try to balls it on the 199 inbetween but those are like narrow roads guaranteed to have falling trees and mud and rock and at least three four gnomes washed up under a bridge being ravished by woodland creatures whove been dying to eat their revenge.

while perusing your blogs i see that people are wishing their readers a happy new year but hi its not the new year yet, its still the old year, a good year because we got to see truly how evil this administration is, and how liberal this press is (not much since theyre not asking for his head), and how fucked up radio is for letting howard stern show them up again and again and again, and how crappy todays sounds are and how lame modern filmmaking in america is.

when i was thinking of the things i want in 2006 the first thing i thought of was i want a girlfriend and i had forgotten that i had a gf in 2005 and even though it started off nice it didnt end very nice and so maybe i dont want a girlfriend in 06, maybe i want to be single for a year and just mingle although mingling doesnt really do it for me either, how about this, maybe i want to meet a girl who is all the things i like tomboyish sexy mellow horny and hungry. it wouldnt hurt if she likes to wear a bikini 24/7 but you cant have everything.

and even though its almost 2am and i might just have to stay here for tomorrow night too i should hit the hay because i might get lucky tomorrow morning and get the heck outta town. this town that doesnt even have a movie theatre. for i still havent seen walk the line.

pray for no red x’s on the 101 and/or the 5

left umpqua at noon and those back woods were sloppy

and muddy and wet and flooded and trees had fallen and people were driving way too fast for my liking.

but I made it down to where I needed to cut off from the 5 to scoot across Oregon to the coast.

see the 5 was closed in the siyskuu mountains near lake Shasta on account of the rain and the snow and the flash floods and junk like that so my assignment was to make it behind umpqua and go west young man.

that country was crazy cuz it was poor and even more floody and even less to do than in roseburg and you saw cars all chopped up in people barns and crazy stores but mostly you saw people spraying water on both sides of their trucks cuz of the floody roads.

I let them spray and went around the small lakes on the road.

all was going well until I made it half way across the cutacross when the river had swollen and flooded all these farms. it was so light brown and impressive that even the locals were pulling over to the side to see it.

which is pretty scary cuz you don’t want to be driving down a road and see people pulled over cuz your first thought is “tree down” or “huge flood”. fortunately it was none of those things, except when it was and you either drive around the tree or drive super slow through the deep muddy water.

and then I passed a carmel colored cow that had died in a flooded ditch and I nearly cried right there cuz the animals seemed to be going on with their normal practice of eating and pissing and shitting but my buddy either collapsed under his own weight or took a spill and never got up.

I was sad for a good 15 minutes.

then the road took me up up up above the clouds and that cheered me up cuz those trees are so big up there, and before I knew it I was at the ocean and it was spectacular and I pulled over and took some pictures which turned out to be too bright and just then karisa called me to find out where I was and we chatted and I pulled back onto the road and then traffic stopped because of a road block because of a rockslide and I turned around and found a little coffee shop restaurant playing bob Dylan equipped with free wifi and that’s where im writing you from right now.

normally I would have eaten chicken fried steak but in honor of cowy Im eating an open faced turkey sandwich with homemade mashed potatoes and gravy wondering if they’ve cleared those rocks cuz I hear word of another storm approaching and id sure like to be on the other side of this Oregon border afore that one comes.

id answer all your questions in your comments but I have to drop the kids off at the pool and then get back on that roadway.

the picture of the pickup truck was where they turned us around and the picture of the ocean is of the ocean.

mom if youre reading this don’t be scurrred. as Christians we believe that He’s got the whole world in His hands, and that includes me and this blue Toyota and I seriously doubt He’d kill me right after the Sox won the world series.

i mean, really.