exclusive interview with antidisestablishmentarian

one of my alltime favorite bloggers

anti says: hitony!

dumbass says: whaddup bro!!

anti says: does your phone number still have 666 in the middle?

dumbass says: \ahahah
dumbass says: yes
dumbass says: 323 666 5555

anti says: that rules. you being a minister, ect.
anti says: my mom has them too
anti says: love it

dumbass says:666 biblically just means that 2/3rds of the world is “lost”
dumbass says: 66.6%
dumbass says: 666/1000

anti says: well…
anti says: that depends on what you believe
anti says: i’ve heard plenty of “ideas”

dumbass says:
well since its a Christian thing, it just means that 2/3rds dont “believe”, thats all.

anti says: i like your theory tho

dumbass says: but the trippiest part about it is
dumbass says: when Revelations was written
dumbass says: there werent that many Christians
dumbass says: but as of right now
dumbass says: on the whole planet Earth
dumbass says: exactly 1/3 of the planet considers themselves Christian
dumbass says: so the 666 has come to fruition
dumbass says: scary, if you ask me

anti says: eh…
anti says: i guess.
anti says: one could say that nostradamus was on point too
anti says: it’s all in what you believe, and if you choose to blelieve it.

dumbass says: no doubt

anti says: that was teh coolest answer anyone ever gave me as a kid, when id ask about stuff like that
anti says: “well it depends on what you believe, johnny.”

dumbass says: im not saying people *should* bleieve one thing or another, i just think its freaky that the Bible said 2/3rds wont believe no matter what
dumbass says: when are you bringing back the blog?

anti says: prolly never

dumbass says: why not?

anti says: buzznet serves me plenty

dumbass says: you dont want both?

anti says: not anymore

dumbass says: but you were blogging every day
dumbass says: you were rollin

anti says: several times a day
anti says: i have plenty to say
anti says: that will never change

dumbass says: did you get burnt out?
dumbass says: did you get sick of the lack of comments?
dumbass says: or lack of traffic?

anti says: i just broke too many rules too often
anti says: traffic i never cared about
anti says: in fact, the fewer the better

dumbass says: yes it can be more liberating with less eyeballs

anti says: i get myself in trouble with my big fat mouth
anti says: more trouble than the blog was worth
anti says: i can get my ego stroked in far less risky ways

dumbass says: it was risky cuz you were talking about herb?

anti says: i miss the blog
anti says: no, not that at all
anti says: more about the personal relationships

dumbass says: oh ahhh

anti says: exes, family, loved ones, friends….

dumbass says: right right

anti says: and i would meet people who never heard of a blog
anti says: and id get jealous of how simple that sounded
anti says: so i hopped on board with it
anti says: and just one day, i logged in to blogger…. and i couldn’t stand it
anti says: i was overwhelmed with the feeling of, “bleh.”
anti says: apathy??
anti says: who knows
anti says: the end

dumbass says: totally understood

anti says: but my ego couldnt take a total loss
anti says: so i still post pics hoping that little sluts will say
anti says: “oh anti, you are so wonderful”

dumbass says: ahahaha, isnt that what its all about?

anti says: and they do, thank you buzznet
anti says: i love that place

dumbass says: whats not to love?

anti says:i redirected my blog to there

dumbass says: so i saw

anti says: perhaps i sent a few people who might have signed up

dumbass says: no doubt you did

anti says: thats my gift

dumbass says: merci beaucoop

anti says: because buzznet rules, and deserves all my leftovers

anti says: one day i intend on leaving you a joint under your welcome mat out front
anti says: i will alert you by email to check when its ready
anti says: until then
anti says: i am outtie

anti’s buzznet page + eano + smelly + jessica + erin

this hot chick and i were having bible study yesterday

since it was the sabbath and all

something im sure all of you were doing yesterday after the football and before 60 minutes.

and she asked me about polygamy and whether i believed in it.

i said of course i believe in it, the problem is getting the hot babes to believe in the things that i believe in.

she said but why would you believe in something so ridiculous.

and i said, again, there are many ridiculous things i believe in, the difficulty is getting buy-in.

for example, i believe that you should wear more plaid skirts,
i believe that you should bring your friends over here so we can have make-out competitions,
and i believe that the Cubs should sign Roger Clemens,

and she stopped me, which she often does

she said, lets stick to the topic at hand. if divorces are at 50% in america, why would you believe in polygamy?

ah, i said, easy. its my belief that people quit each other cuz they get bored and they get a wandering eye. if theyre allowed to marry more hos they would be less likely to go outside the relationship for strange if they were getting it in the hizzy.

at that point she called me a pig.

asked me the question, i answered and she called me a pig.

but it was cool since i get called names all the time.

so i turned the tables on her. i said, how would you like it if you were married to a nice man, a black man, a blogger lets say, one who liked cream of chicken soup and diet dr pepper…

get to the point

how would you like it if you were married to him and you got a hand in picking his second wife?

she said, what if i wanted a bulldyke.

i said, well, because you loved this man you’d want him to be happy so maybe he would be happy with such a woman. maybe hed be happy with a cheerleader. maybe hed be happy with a soccerplayer. maybe you would both be happy with a nice combination of all of these.

being that she was bi-morethancurious she let those ideas sit with her while stirring her pita in the spinach dip.

then she said, tony if you believe in polygamy so much, why arent you doing it?

ah, i said, because even though its totally cool in the bible, and even though abraham, saul, david, solomon, and even moses had more than one wife, the bible commands that we obey the laws of the land – which is one reason i dont smoke pot any more – so even if i believe in it its unlawful and therefore a sin.

and thats when she excused herself and returned in a plaid skirt, a cowboy hat, and nothing else but a smile.

and yes america sometimes i feel like the luckiest man in the world but sometimes i feel cursed, because yes i would make a great husband to several wives, i would make sure that they were all happy and pleased and content

and yes i would pick an assortment who would get along together very well

and its not like im someone that anyone would get jealous of

and yes its true i have what it takes to satisfy a small harem – if not two small ones – and it helps to study the poetry of diplomacy as well as the language of love

but like the fact that i would also make an excellent marijuana farmer, some things just dont mesh with todays society

so im doomed settling for the one-at-a-time

and then writing it down for you.


polygamists in the bible + i love this woman + emmanuelle and matt do europe + peter g

hell hath no fury like a woman scorpion

not everyone gets to keep their bodies when they get sent to here.

tailgaters are sometimes turned into trees. the devil will make them just stand there for a couple hundred years. then maybe turned into a house. then torn down. never burned. that would be too cute. he’d waterlog the wood. warp it. then allow it to float down the river styx back home to be reassigned.

some get turned into bugs. some into animals. some into peoples pets. some get turned into dangerous animals. some get turned into fish.

i used to be afraid of fish and when i got down here and they showed me my file. apparently a long time ago i was sent to hell and then turned into a fish and had to swim around in the dark cold depths of the atlantic for a few dozen years.

a while back i was given a reprieve from whatever i was doing and reassigned as a lightskinned black american male born to a well educated middle class family and raised in the suburbs in the midwest.

later, it seems, the giver of grace was not very happy with what i did with those blessings.

so there i was banging some girl in hell’s sex palace and all of this was dawning on me: life is all context. perspective. compared to contracting stds nightly in the pits of pandemonium, flying chopper one across the skies of hollywood wasnt so bad.

and if i didnt like it, it wasnt like i was some old growth redwood, i could go do something else with my life. i could actually take control of my destiny as opposed to waiting on the universe to decide.

f the universe.

the universe is 2/3s lost souls doing what some guy more lost than them is telling them to do.

the good news was i was getting used to my demonic body. my thing wasnt falling off any more.

the crowd didnt flamethrow me as much any more. usually they waited until the end when i wasnt looking. then they all laughed and then applauded my incinerated smoking remains.

that night i went to bed and before i fell asleep i heard a still soft voice.

tony it said.


today is the last day of the year.

it is?

yes, do you know what that means down here?

no, i dont.

it means that you can be judged again.

it does?

yes, are you sorry for what you did to get here?

yes i am.

do you think youve learned some valueable things here?

oh yes. definately.

do you think youd make a better person if you were given another chance?

oh yes! yes i would!

and then i woke up.

still in hell.

it was just a dream.

and then my dirty rag of a pillow said.

nobody gets out of hell.


– pages 73-75 from Stiff