and keeping a private diary is that if you happen to say that youre sad in your blog, people will react. its not that you dont want them to react, although often you dont, its that you just want to explain whats up for you and move on. whereas in a diary you spill your guts and noone will ever think that you have ulterior motives or youre about to take a long walk off a short bridge.

but people are sweet and caring and they do nice things when all along all you wanted to say was how you feel.

when i was younger i went through a variety of emotions that made it very easy to write. it was then that i came up with the tagline “nothing in here is true” to let my family and friends know that if i wrote a poem where i said i wanted to die, i was just being overly dramatic and sorta poetic.

so today when i wrote that i was sad i really was sad and i forgot that people actually read this thing, which is something i forget a lot. and karisa called me and the laist wrote their thing and people sent me nudes and flowers arrived. it was like ferris bueller when the school found out he was sick.

but the most interesting thing happened when an old flame of mine called me to tell me about the new boy shes getting serious with. i miss this girl because she has moved to nyc but we keep in touch and she asked about texas and etc and soon she started getting into graphic details about her sex life with this dude.

tony the man can do me all night. i swear to you, all night.

i was all, anna, im depressed, i dont want to hear that.

no tony, i thought you were the only one who can do me all night, but seriously he can do it alllll night. its like hes a machine. he never stops.

i was like, good for him and good for you but this doesnt cheer me up in the slightest.

she was like, hold on, that isnt the interesting part, i really love him and all but the fascinating thing is with you i would get wet just thinking about coming to your house, but with him its not that im not wet, i am, its that im not super wet like i used to be with you. why do you think that is?

and strangely that made me happy.

i told her that its because black men are the greatest lovers. i also told her that the next time shes in LA we’ll have to do a little experiment to see if i still have that effect over you. and she laughed and said yeah right im never going to leave this dudes side. ever.

which also made me happy because i love her and im happy when people i love are happy.

then i ate some chili, took a shower for the first time in two days, and suddenly i was 100% happier.

also, basart, the sopranos was on like 5 days ago. at some point i have to write about it. millions of people have already seen it. i only wait two days to write about Lost, so im only going to wait 2-3 for the sopranos.

everyone needs to watch these shows when they air or the next day, thats the new rule. then we can all discuss them on this blog. i heart you all but we have to get with the program.

great, now i just burned my rice.

bitch | lab + vortexia + chad + grace + krista

1. laist’s public service announcement – thank you carolyn

2. de tejas’s fisking of my how to blog rules – thank you bill

3. raspberry sundae’s nude self portraits via email – thank you rs

4. the very short film Other Music – thank you raymi

5. leah telling me that her future mother-in-law was appalled by the busblog – merci baby

6. irina slutsky’s interviews with biz stone, daily kos, lynne d johnson and others including me at the end regarding how 2006 is 1997 again – thanks geek entertainment tv

and of course all of you who always say sweet things in my comments, gracias

instead i put up pics of the texas roller girls here and here
put up more pics of my chemical romance here
put up more pics of sxsw here and here
and wrote a “straight” review of the mcr show here
i really must be sick.

steve garfield was nice enough to video interview me at sxsw
where you can see how busy the interactive area was
(and how frazzled i was about answering even the easiest question)

k.

and while we’re at it lets pretend that i wasnt laying on my couch catching up on my tivo when i fell asleep on my back and nearly choked on the phlegm thats being mass produced in my sneezing coughing running nose so you cant sleep sickly body.

ive seen it all so i dont mind if i die but if i really croak from choking on my own snot and you find my rotting corpse do me a favor and shove a heroine needle in my arm so i dont have to go out like a dope.

it is nice to be home again. except for the rain and the cold and the $53 taxi ride from LAX. and the bad thai from down the street and the rotten bananas above the microwave, and the curious behavior of the young lady who was doing me a favor of taking my mail out of the mailbox for me but for some reason wasnt putting it in my house, of which she has a key.

baby ive got three xxx pornos waiting for me, dont you think after ten days of being in closed confines and never in an empty room, a man doesnt want to cozy up with his smut after a long hard excursion that wound up mostly fruitless?

you know youre old when you can go ten days without beating off and just because the exact smut that youve been waiting for hasnt arrived youre perfectly ok with making it eleven days.

i met a very nice pilot on the flight from austin to vegas.

hed been flying thirty years or so and i got to ask him all these great questions about that jet blue plane whose front wheels were all fuct and the pilot burned off all the fuel and made that spectacular landing. he told me that it was spectacular, but he also said, after prodding, that pretty much every pilot would have been able to pull that off.

he said midway airport is the toughest place to land, but there are so few accidents there because everyone has to superconcentrate when they land there in bad conditions, that sometimes, just like in any activity, accidents come when people think that what theyre doing is a peice of cake and are only at 99% instead of 100%.

we talked about blogging and i may have convinced him to start a blog about being a pilot and telling us all where the good joints are to eat at all around the country since he’s probably been everywhere.

then he asked for my blog address and i gave it to him but i warned him that it gets a little adult on this site sometimes, so if youre reading this you cant say i didnt warn you.

my flight was delayed in vegas because the country was pretty much shitstormed which fucked up all the flights. so i had to eat bad sabbaros pizza and listen to a slot machine ringringringring because they didnt know how to turn it off after a jackpot.

they say that those noises intice people to play because it lets them know that winning is possible and if you go to a casino and hear all these sounds that signal success you will feel more confident. i didnt feel confident. all i was confident about was that somebody was taking their sweet old time fixing that one slot because today was one of those days when people were stuck in the vegas airport and theres very little to do except feed the slots, feed your mouth, or stare at all the fake titties leaving vegas and heading back to LA.

swear to god there must have been a fake titty convention over there this weekend because those shits were everywhere. im not even curious anymore. i used to be, but im not. im not curious about anything anymore. i told you, ive seen it all.

the only thing i havent seen is the cubs win the world series and you and i both know thats never going to happen.

it was raining so bad here in LA that my directv wasnt working so i couldnt see japan finish beating the shit outta cuba in that baseball thing that everyones going crazy about. play that fucker in october after the seasons over instead of when everyones out of shape and tell me you wouldnt bet on the domincans. with pujols and papi and tejada and and and… ive seen trickery on a grand scale before so that the rest of the world can feel good about beating america. this is nothing new. but by all means lets pretend that this thing meant something.

lets pretend we’re married.

lets pretend we’re still drunk high and full of bbq doing shots with texas rollergirls who have their name tattooed on their one wrist and daddy tattooed on their other. lets pretend we’re still bopping from club to club hearing one kickass band after another play their hearts out in 22 minute sets.

lets pretend we’re still getting paid to stay up all night and schmooze with all the movers and shakers of the interweb and music industries in a town where people know your name even if you werent clever enough to tattoo it incase you forgot.

some people have an ear for the rhythms of poetry or the subtlety of classical or the improvisation of jazz. some people perk up at the twangs of country or the cutthroat rhymes of hip hop. some like the gnarled solos of great rock guitarists or the no frills stance of punk.

and some like it all and want it all and very few get it all, which is why if i had slipped away tonight from my disgusting spit i would have floated away complete. because we all know that the only place that the cubbies will win the world series is in a little place called heaven, which looks like isla vista but smells like austin.

tsar plays tonight at the whiskey and if you miss it youre dumb

that just charged me seven bones to write you, so i better make this good.

things i learned at sxsw

+ rock n roll is here to stay

+ if you want to have a great party invite a half dozen texas rollergirls and feed them free booze for a week

+ drunk blogging should only be attempted by professionals on a closed track

+ austin really is the music capital of the world

+ isla vista’s del playa is alive and well on 6th street and red river.

+ my chemical romance live doesnt suck, but j mascis’s witch bites.

+ gogogogogoqewiru bordello is the new clash pogues combo we desperately have been in need of

+ honky is the young man’s zz top that we’ve also needed and little did we know but they have been around for 10 years and have 6 cds.

+ marc canter rolls incredible joints and will say very nice things about you to strangers even if you dont talk about him much on your blog

+ lyle lovitt is about my height

+ all taxis in austin cost about $5

+ if youre going to go to sxsw interactive and sxsw music and you are planning on drinking smoking dancing rocking and interacting for ten days, take a day off right before the music starts. and by day off i mean stay sober and preferably in your room.

+ dont kiss girls with the sniffles.

+ cops really will give you a ticket if you go down the wrong way on a one way street and immediate turn around to fix it.

+ southwest really will charge you $25 for having a bag three pounds overweight

+ ironworks bbq is pretty good

+ red bull doesnt really give you wings but people seem to love it anyways

+ leah is petite cute and has the best texas accent

+ dan and sara are great ambassadors for austin and anyone who comes to town really should have at least one drink with them at the driskoll, but count on having more than one drink.

+ toddy b is the mayor of 6th street

+ im not an awful photographer but it wouldnt hurt to invest in some way better lenses

+ girls like to dance all night

+ austin is quite proud of their football and basketball teams even though their colors look exactly like doggie poop.

+ dooce is hot

+ craigslist got its name from buzznet’s anthony batt who told craig (who was thinking of changing the name) that he was crazy to call it anything other than craigslist

+ if youre being paid to write while on the road you really should knock something out before you start your day and at the end of the day because you really will forget shit quickly

+ sxsw is the epitome of sensory overload

+ but the biggest lesson i learned at sxsw is im mortal and i love drinking and listening to music far more than i ever thought.

i will return and i will do it better next time

rock kicked my ass and i kicked back.

ten straight days and nights of partying and drinking and rocking out to some of the finest music in the world does take its toll which is probably why the skies opened up tonight here in austin with thunder and lightening and sheets of rain so as to wash the sins from the streets.

never made it to the roller derby because my wife miss amerikill let her cousin be her plus one even though she promised it to me last night. ah women.

so instead i took in three local punk bands at room 710: castle siege, the fuckemos, and finally punk. apparently the fuckemos got so big at one time that they started playing at emos. the reunited this year and played some shows at sxsw.

the fuckemos singer is actually in several bands including the uss friendship and castle siege who opened the night’s lineup with a cross section of metal punk and marriachi. led by a guy who really cant sing very well. and hes quite fat. and when hes fronting the fuckemos he pulls out a trombone on one of the numbers.

finally punk is an all girl teenage punk band whos singer leapt offstage to slamdance with the boy she was singing about while singing. the kids are alright.

because that wasnt enough i went back to emos as the rain started coming down to enjoy the neil diamond tribute band the diamond smugglers.

a very nice cleansing of the pallet. especially while walking home in a weak drizzle as the band played daydream believer to a crowd who sang along to every word.

its 230am my rooms a mess, i havent packed and i have to be out of my room by 9am i figure. so im setting my alarm for 8. i can do this.

austin is a beautiful town where the birds scream in the trees and the bands scream wherever theres a stage.

i blame most of my debauchery to two entities, the red bull house and the texas roller derby girls. for if either of them werent around i would never have stayed up so late and drank and drank and drank.

i blame the rest of my fun to all the people who came up wanting to smoke weed with me, and whats so interesting is just as many offered the miracle herb during the interactive days as during the music days.

and yes i did see Lifetime before the my chemical romance show. not bad but i dont get the hype.

i will be back next year and i will plan out my day much better now that i know whats going on. and unlike the masses who fled town tonight, next year i will stay on the sunday night of sxsw just like tonight because the local bands are well worth the attention.

one picture i forgot to take: austin has a saying “keep austin weird”, well in a stall in the mensroom of room 710 i saw a sticker that said “keep san antonio lame” and whaddya know, it… they… whoever has a myspace page.