by tony pierce, 110

1. write every day.

2. if you think youre a good writer, write twice a day.

3. dont be afraid to do anything. infact if youre afraid of something, do it. then do it again. and again.

4. cuss like a sailor.

5. dont tell your mom, your work, your friends, the people you want to date, or the people you want to work for about your blog. if they find out and you’d rather they didnt read it, ask them nicely to grant you your privacy.

6. have comments. dont be upset if no one writes in your comments for a long time. eventually they’ll write in there. if people start acting mean in your comments, ask them to stop, they probably will.

7. have an email address clearly displayed on your blog. sometimes people want to tell you that you rock in private.

8. dont worry very much about the design of your blog. image is a fakeout.

9. use Blogger. it’s easy, it’s free; and because they are owned by Google, your blog will get spidered better, you will show up in more search results, and more people will end up at your blog. besides, all the other blogging software & alternatives pretty much suck.

10. use spellcheck unless youre completely totally keeping it real. but even then you might want to use it if you think you wrote something really good.

11. say exactly what you want to say no matter what it looks like on the screen. then say something else. then keep going. and when youre done, re-read it, and edit it and hit publish and forget about it.

12. link like crazy. link anyone who links you, link your favorites, link your friends. dont be a prude. linking is what seperates bloggers from apes. and especially link if you’re trying to prove a point and someone else said it first. it lends credibility even if youre full of shit.

13. if you havent written about sex, religion, and politics in a week youre probably playing it too safe, which means you probably fucked up on #5, in which case start a second blog and keep your big mouth shut about it this time.

14. remember: nobody cares which N*Sync member you are, what State you are, which Party of Five kid you are, or which Weezer song you are. the second you put one of those things on your blog you need to delete your blog and try out for the marching band. similarilly, nobody gives a shit what the weather is like in your town, nobody wants you to change their cursor into a butterfly, nobody wants to vote on whether your blog is hot or not, and nobody gives a rat ass what song youre listening to. write something Real for you, about you, every day.

15. dont be afraid if you think something has been said before. it has. and better. big whoop. say it anyway using your own words as honestly as you can. just let it out.

16. get Site Meter and make it available for everyone to see. if you’re embarrassed that not a lot of people are clicking over to your page, dont be embarrassed by the number, be embarrassed that you actually give a crap about hits to your gay blog. it really is just a blog. and hits really dont mean anything. you want Site Meter, though, to see who is linking you so you can thank them and so you can link them back. similarilly, use Technorati, but dont obsess. write.

17. people like pictures. use them. save them to your own server. or use Blogger’s free service. if you dont know how to do it, learn. also get a Buzznet account. several things will happen once you start blogging, one of them is you will learn new things. thats a good thing.

18. before you hit Save as Draft or Publish Post, select all and copy your masterpiece. you are using a computer and the internet, shit can happen. no need to lose a good post.

19. push the envelope in what youre writing about and how youre saying it. be more and more honest. get to the root of things. start at the root of things and get deeper. dig. think out loud. keep typing. keep going. eventually you’ll find a little treasure chest. every time you blog this can happen if you let it.

20. change your style. mimic people. write beautiful lies. dream in public. kiss and tell. finger and tell. cry scream fight sing fuck and dont be afraid to be funny. the easiest thing to do is whine when you write. dont be lazy. audblog at least once a week.

21. write open letters. make lists. call people out on their bullshit. lead by example. invent and reinvent yourself. start by writing about what happened to you today. for example today i told a hot girl how wonderfully hot she is.

22. when in doubt review something. theres not enough reviews on blogs. review a movie you just saw, a tv show, a cd, a kiss you just got, a restaurant, a hike you just took, anything.

23. constantly write about the town that you live in.

24. out yourself. tell your secrets. you can always delete them later.

25. dont use your real name. dont write about your work unless you dont care about getting fired.

26. dont be afraid to come across as an asswipe. own your asswipeness.

27. nobody likes poems. dont put your poems on your blog. not even if theyre incredible. especially if theyre incredible. odds are theyre not incredible. bad poems are funny sometimes though, so fine, put your dumb poems on there. whatever.

28. tell us about your friends.

29. dont apologize about not blogging. nobody cares. just start blogging again.

30. read tons of blogs and leave nice comments.

if you’re going to ripoff/mimic/be inspired by one blogger make it raymi, shes perfect.

with special guest george carlin

today the lakers had just won the championship and were having a parade

anna’s not talking to me it’s nothing new.

she says she wants to be my friend. then she’ll lick my neck when i kiss her cheek goodnight.

she says she wants to hang out with me, then she flies off to wherever she goes without even an adios.

some people would get upset about these sorts of things, but not me, which is why, i suppose that we’ve been able to have such a good relationship for all this time.

tonight chris’s sister is in town from oregon so we’re going to take her to a fancy LA restaurant and then get some yucks at the Comedy Store on sunset cuz they dont have those sorts of things in the woods Up North.

im very happy to live in LA.

but i think i would be able to live quite nicely there in central oregon.

no one would bother me except the klan and the wild turkeys and the deer.

i would smoke my pipe in the morning, write, wrestle up some grub, brush my teeth, eat, fish, come back and take a nap, fish, and write some more.

yes, i know, hemingway tried to live that sort of life after living in some cool cities and it made him blow his brains out, they say. but i dont think so.

i think he blew his brains out because he wasnt surrounded by awesome friends.

im very much enjoying this Laker parade as it winds its way through downtown.

two quick comments: Kobe’s krazy wife is a friggin knockout. i never knew really why he married her, but now i do. damn, bro.

the other news that somehow slipped this site is that long time Laker AC Green who was a vocal virgin was married two months ago, he reports.

AC holds the NBA record for consecutive games played (1,192 straight games), but really the 39 year streak of no nookie… is that something to be proud of? maybe.

i dont think so, though.

the easiest thing to say in the world is no.

but still, im happy that now AC gets to make up for some lost time.

maybe he can create a new club now.

mr orange + jackass jimmy + my best work was done after dinner at laist

in order to get 5-7 posts a day going over at laist.

the rule was no food until you post at least twice.

but then i saw how pretty it was outside so i said ok if you write a third one you can sorta take a long lunch.

long of course meaning an hour.

today i wrote about how i dont support the kids at the south central farm and surprise surprise all the comments were all wtf.

i wanted to say, whaddya mean wtf. i wanted to say read what i wrote and give me a good response not, oh laist is a corporate blog what do you expect with them supporting the corporation over the people.

but thats not the case at all. far as i can see these people have been farming rent free for 14 years while the case has been kicked around the courts. yes it sucks that their farm has to go away and it sucks that the dude’s feelings are all hurt and he wont sell the farm back to the city, but since when were there supposed to be happy endings to every story?

plus the mayor is getting them new places to farm so wtf yourself.

i also wrote about the unocal 76 balls that are being taken down and replaced by far less cool rectangles.

michael madsen and zippy the pinhead are leading the attack to save the balls.

yes mom my job is to write about this stuff.

then i wrote about wolfmother playing at the henry fonda and vagenius playing spaceland but theyre not called vagenius anymore theyre called something else but i like the old name better.

what im learning is to be an editor is sorta like being a writer in that in order to get your job done correctly you pretty much have to not give one fucking shit what people think. put your shoulder down and head for the hole.

la times agrees with the laist + blogging.la calls the latest stubbornness lame + simpleton + wildbell

short. cute. quiet. little too quiet for my nerves. but now and then a little burst of something will squirt out and youre all wtf baby wheres that all the time?

she writes me on buzznet she writes me on myspace she text messages my ass when im not looking.

i ask her for nudes, she doesnt send em. i ask her for top hats, she wont wear em. disguises? never.

closest thing was once she put a ski mask on and a very short turtleneck that exposed the belly. she was pointing a water gun at an imaginary foe. your eyes didnt know whether to investigate the amazing stomach or the obvious fact that our girl wasnt wearing a brasierre.

laist has been down due to a mad rush of traffic. thats the catch 22 of the web. when something good happens you get shut down, like when a good band plays in isla vista.

to me it feels like getting pumped up for a game and it gets rained out in the second inning.

martini republic humorously chided me for not covering the arrests at the south central farm. truth is im not exactly sure where i stand on that issue, and it was an event that happened so early in the morning that by the time the noon editions of the local news were on, it was covered.

i know one of the people at the farm. i was thinking about just going there to see if he was one of those who got arrested and talking to people, but not on the first day. on the first day youre supposed to just knock it out and not try to do anything fancy.

ive decided that im going to get a small laptop and an evdo card so as to be truly mobile. then i can go to crazy ass south central farms.

today i drove to ameoba to get the replacements greatest hits. on my way out i noticed a big spectacle over at the arclight. sure enough it was the premeire for the keanu sandra bullock movie. so i walked a little closer and there was sandra bullock all dolled up being cute.

sandy only writes me on gmail.

aaron gleeman + dillinger escape plan on fire + attak kat is behind this little snippet you should see

people who would take the technology of their day, which for some were pens and for others, pencils, and write in notebooks, or blank books, or lockable books called diaries.

there were no comments sections, or ads, or pictures (usually), just words, about that person’s life, as dull as it might be.

everyday on the blogosphere you can read people say that their lives are boring and they have nothing to say and theyre not important and what they think doesnt matter.

however, anne frank lived in a one-room attic for over two years with seven other people. most of the time they had to be silent. when you visit amsterdam you have to go, the place is tiny. as in tiny. you dont think that would stifle the writing process of todays average blogger? well it didnt stop miss frank who knocked out the most popular and important diary of all time.

here are some exerpts from her offline journal:

On the Deportations

“Our many Jewish friends and acquaintances are being taken away in droves. The Gestapo is treating them very roughly and transporting them in cattle cars to Westerbork, the big camp in Drenthe to which they’re sending all the Jews….If it’s that bad in Holland, what must it be like in those faraway and uncivilized places where the Germans are sending them? We assume that most of them are being murdered. The English radio says they’re being gassed.” – October 9, 1942

On Nazi Punishment of Resisters

“Have you ever heard the term ‘hostages’? That’s the latest punishment for saboteurs. It’s the most horrible thing you can imagine. Leading citizens–innocent people–are taken prisoner to await their execution. If the Gestapo can’t find the saboteur, they simply grab five hostages and line them up against the wall. You read the announcements of their death in the paper, where they’re referred to as ‘fatal accidents.” – October 9, 1942

“All college students are being asked to sign an official statement to the effect that they ‘sympathize with the Germans and approve of the New Order.” Eighty percent have decided to obey the dictates of their conscience, but the penalty will be severe. Any student refusing to sign will be sent to a German labor camp.” – May 18, 1943

On Writing and Her Diary

“When I write, I can shake off all my cares.” – April 5, 1944

Describing her Despair

“I’ve reached the point where I hardly care whether I live or die. The world will keep on turning without me, and I can’t do anything to change events anyway. I’ll just let matters take their course and concentrate on studying and hope that everything will be all right in the end.” – February 3, 1944

“…but the minute I was alone I knew I was going to cry my eyes out. I slid to the floor in my nightgown and began by saying my prayers, very fervently. Then I drew my knees to my chest, lay my head on my arms and cried, all huddled up on the bare floor. A loud sob brought me back down to earth…” – April 5, 1944

On Her Old Country, Germany

“Fine specimens of humanity, those Germans, and to think I’m actually one of them! No, that’s not true, Hitler took away our nationality long ago. And besides, there are no greater enemies on earth than the Germans and Jews.” – October 9, 1942

On Still Believing

“It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.

“It’s utterly impossible for me to build my life on a foundation of chaos, suffering and death. I see the world being slowly transformed into a wilderness, I hear the approaching thunder that, one day, will destroy us too, I feel the suffering of millions. And yet, when I look up at the sky, I somehow feel that everything will change for the better, that this cruelty too shall end, that peace and tranquility will return once more” – July 15, 1944

anne frank center + anne frank museum + anne frank stuff on ebay

trying to figure out what the hell. but i fell asleep before i got the answer. fortunately i had posted two deals by then. i wanted one more but whatevs.

woke up to my cell phone chirping. did what i had to and there i was, awake. so went to it. im not totally prepared organizational for world dominance just yet but a few trips to staples and some well placed emails will get me there. i hope to have a better timeline come next tuesday. developing.

as for the writing. i can do this. as for the pace. i can do it. i like it. im in. i dont have an office to go to. i dont have someone to run things by. ive got this new audience that im not sure about and im sure theyre not sure about me. my momma sent me a good luck email today. how nice is that.

right now im writing on this blog because we were overwhelmed with traffic over at laist. maybe it had to do with my first story, “angels win, still suck”. hope so. maybe a pearl jam message board is trying to spam the comments because i said that sonic youth shouldnt have to be opening for them, that it should be the other way around. maybe its the dave chappelle web sites that linked to us after we announced a secret dvd signing today.

im about to write something called “warning: leno might be watchable tonight” about how ann coulter and george carlin will be jay’s guests.

all day i just wanted to go to the south central farm because i know someone down there and i wanted to see if he got arrested this morning. hes a really good hip hop rapper and producer. white dude if you can believe it. anti turned me on to him.

anyways today the replacements greatest hits cd came out and i want to go to amoeba and pick it up and maybe interview someone there so as to put some video on that shit.

my directv is broken. i might actually have to put my dish in a reasonable location.

martini republic + dude on larry king defends ann coulter + blogging.la‘s sean was very kind to me today

i think the busblog will have a good purpose. it will be the place where i can be sloppy and stupid and not have to worry or think or stress about.

ive had the best conversations lately. ive had the best phone calls. ive had the best emails. ive been busy though and i wanted to post three things on laist before i went to bed but i could only knock out two. i didnt know what to write about. of all the plans i made this weekend, what i was going to write on my first day wasnt one of them so its amazingly anticlimatic. but good things sometimes are at the begining, what with columbus discovering some weird islands before discovering america.

plus that shit was discovered before he even got there.

which means today i discovered that i can use moveable type and i can write two posts before i go to bed. sadly bedtime is 532am and i dont think i like that. but maybe thats the way its gotta be. which means maybe i should get the papers delivered and read them as i go to bed at 535am.

i talked to a girl who asked me for a castle in the clouds and ive been to one before, the hearst castle. and the only thing that impressed me at that place wasnt the view, it was the pool. but that was it. still, if old hearst had a woman that he was bound to, and if she asked for a big ass castle in the clouds i bet thats what he built for her.

ive had the weirdest few days. i wish i could tell you about them but i cant really. top secret. top sexy. top shelfy. right before i won all those nickels i was thinking about how when i go to vegas i hardly ever gamble. gambling does nothing for me. its fun to get drunk and play for like ten minutes but there are people down there all night. and the old ladies in their wheelchairs smoking and drinking and slot machining kill me.

why would those ladies do that in the hooters casino?

the band was pretty bad, the gift shop in the back was pretty bad, they had no hbo. but all in all i really liked it and i would recommend it. i paid 99 on friday and 129 on saturday, which is pretty below average for decent hotels in vegas on the weekends.

i know that kos was having his convention there and i support blogging and all, but im not a democrat and i dont like politicians so even though some cool people were there like henry copeland and gen wesley clark, i barely had time to do the shit that i did, i had none allotted for that nonsense.

heres what i think of american politics – its time to have far stricter punishments for corruption in politics. some cruel and unusual shit. public servants? what happened to a servant in the day of the framers if the servant got caught stealing or lying to his master? cruel and unusual shit happened thats what.

i get it that we will probably be stuck with the two party system for a little while, and i get it that most politicians are going to be dirty and theres nothing we can do about the culture of representation that will lead to phony baloney senator sons of senator’s sons. but we can do something about manditory minimums for people who rape the public’s trust.

i ate the best food from the pantry last night. rib tips and mashed potatoes. they give you so much that its good for dinner and the next days lunch. unless you want to give your leftovers to the homeless dudes across the street in the parking lot. which is what i do with my cole slaw and bread at least.

i watched very little tv today. i drove and talked on a cell phone to karisa today. i got an email from chris today. people are wishing me good luck like crazy.

as if i havent been flooded with luck for a few weeks.

coop + welch + xtx + bill german

via youtube

spencer writes + on jane magazine’s blog + gage