devil tried to ruin my vacation

several times, but failed

tried to make the cabbie late in el segundo, succeeded
which made me late for my flight to ft myers florida
ticket lady said next flights in 13 hours
ticket lady said or you could come back tomorrow.
problem was i dropped my keys off in karisas mail slot.
so i tolder id do a favor for her when i got back and
paid a hundred and a half extra to fly into miami rightthen
me n the devil considered that a win win

rented a car in miami to get to marco island.
was only supposed to cost two fiddy a week, sal.
thrifty rentacar figured out a way to sign me out at five fiddy a week
so after a few days i returned the car thinking id only hafta pay twosomething
but the devil won that round when the dude said three days equals threefiddy.
i said youre gonna charge me a hundred and change a day?
mmmmm kay.

the kids were loud but adorable. the hottub wasnt as hot as it coulda been.
i planned on writing a fiddy page report for my employer
and it turned out to be twenty-one pages.
not sure if the devil won that round too but this report’s pretty great.
funny too. so f you.

to prove to satan i really was on vacation
i didnt shower or shave for a week

to prove to tony that he really wanted to show me whos who
he stole my iPhone in the ft myers to atl flight
then made karisa oversleep
then made me watch the lax airport police write so many tickets
to people just trying to pick up their loved ones.

but because God is beautiful when karisa picked me up
he had her fix me a nice champagne concoction
then she threw together some pita + truffles situation
she said i think glitter is on tv siddown.

i never wanna travel again.
but i wouldnt mind coming back to LA over and over.