two first class air tickets arrived at my door at 7am yesterday morning.

lucky for the senders i hadnt left the beachhouse yet.

the first was from Ms. Anna Kournikova who said that she didnt’ really want to go to the MTV Video Awards with Enrique but sorta “had to” but wanted to party with me afterwards.

i gave that ticket to a hobo digging through my dumpster with a hanger.

the other was from the Players Association of Major League Baseball.

they wanted me to settle this strike.

“’bout time, jagoffs.” i said into the phone after i dialed the number on the manila envelope and counted the hundred dollar bills.

since all of the negotiations are confidential, i cant go into much detail, but needless to say my presentation which included a hand axe and a cutting board, and the fact that none of the participants were willing to place their hand on cutting board, was predictably effective.

“if you’re unwilling to put your hand there, what’s going to happen when i ask for the volunteer to place their manhood there? cuz thats what we’re talking about, isnt it gentlemen?

“pride? machismo? a game of chicken between a brinks truck and a mercedes full of money bags and debutantes?

“well, here’s a macho game of who wants to put their cock on the block. winner takes all.”

sometimes you have to dumb down your presentations to the lowest common denomenator and sometimes you have to go even lower. but if you look through the web today you will see that the baseball world have decided to sober up and accept the bags full of cash and the glory and the women and the fame and keep their pride.. and other things that they suddenly find valuable.

and baseball fans get to keep the things that theyve always found valuable.

and anna, poor anna, gets to have her side grabbed by a filthy foreigner.

keep pretending you like it, comrade.

special thanks to Thomas who flowed the busblog $31.67, a lovely number, muchas gracias!

and also thanks to Joachim who flowed the blog a nice round $25 in hopes that i would change the link of “I’m Not a Cowboy” to point to

thank you Joachim, i’ll get the interns right on it.