whaddup g

happy birthday.

tony, my birthday was on saturday.

no, not really, really it’s today.

so what did you get for me?

i got you about a thousand more readers a day than you had a year ago.

yeah, but what else?

how about a commitment that i will love you and keep you for one more year?

just one more year?

well, we’ll do like they do in football and go with a series of one year contracts.

that sounds okay.

is there anything that you want for your birthday?

i would like everyone who reads this to give me a buck. next year they can give me two bucks. unless theyve given in the last six months.

blog, i dont know. i dont like asking people for money.

but tony, youre so good at it. youre a frickin marketing genius.

well, i am a preacher, we’re the best at the shakedown. do you have any memories of this year that you want to reminisce about?

nah. im just one. this is no time to look back, this is time to buy some new shoes and run like bono around that huge heart stage.

cool, well, do you wanna say anything to your fans?

hi.

is that it?

love ya.

i swear, for a blog you have very little to say today.

you woke me from my nap. talk to me later today and i might say something more. thanks for all the shweet gwen stefani pics though.

well, those were for ashley as much as anything. shes bummed out today.

ah. shes young, she’ll bounce back.

ok, well blog, its been a fun year. we’ve come a long way and it’ll be interesting to see where this year takes us.

yup.

i swear something is wrong with you, youre not very talkative.

seriously bro, i waked and baked this morning and i really just wanna curl up and take a little nappy poo and i’ll be ready to rock later tonight.

ok, cool. happy birthday blog.

thanks tone.

kevin holtsberry is the winner of the Blogger Pro sponsorship dealio. and im speechless, which, you should know by now is a lie.

lets talk about Blogger Pro for a second. yes, it’s a little more reliable. yes it has spell check. yes it has lots of other features that i haven’t even used yet. but mostly it’s a way for me to reward the guy who wrote the software that i use most on my day, so i paid Ev for it, as he deserves the cash for creating a revolution. period.

if you are a fan of Blogger, you should upgrade to Pro when you feel the urge to upgrade, don’t jump ship to MT or something else. be loyal. loyalty is a good thing.

yesterday me and my coworkers went over to the Farmer’s Market on Fairfax and 3rd in the middle of LA. i like eating lunch there or dinner there because theres so many choices and its super old school and you shouldn’t be surprised if you see a lady working behind one of the counters who sets down her baby on the counter to answer the phone and ten seconds later hands you your food right where the baby’s diapered ass once sat.

to me, that’s priceless. homey. small town. classic.

but because im a loyal sap, no matter how many choices they have there i will eat only at two locales: the crazy shrimp place or the cajun place.

yesterday i had gumbo and red beans and rice and a black cherry soda. total cost $12, which is a lot for lunch, but usually i make my own lunch and its my belief that certain things like good food are priceless and if some dude can just bust with the sweet authentic gumbo in the middle of tinsletown, that mofo deserves whatever he asks.

last time i had crawfish there, which were fun, but not for lunch, because it took too long to unpeel those babies and my fingers smelled like seafood all day.

speaking of loyalty: so many of my girl friends are out of town this week and its made me sorta miss them. chris is in amsterdam, karisa is in beantown, ashley is in vegas, and meesh – even though she was a freaker on friday night – is hiking in oregon.

does this make me more productive at work due to the fact that i don’t have to email them so much?

not at all.

what has made me more productive is that im happy that my wrists are at about 90% with only slight buzziness in them. the constant icepacks have helped a lot and the rest this weekend that i gave them was huge.

am i rambling? guess i am. ok. bye.

p.s. gavin, shes never gonna marry your luckier than lucky ass unless you fucking hold her hand you swishy limey prettyboy coldfish faker, and by the way her band kicked your band in the ass this year. beaten again by the girl you wish you were. maybe you should go back to ripping off kurdt.

p.p.s. anyone who wants to keep this party going and donate $20 or $40, feel free, and with your generosity attach a blog topic request and i will be happy to fulfill it.

scoffed at my $20 call-out and upped the ante to $30 like it ain’t no thing.

do you have any idea how great that makes me feel? first JC gives a buck every day for two weeks. then kevin does it for a week. then max power flows with a buck, which i never got to say thanks for. thanks, bro, sorry about your fantasy team. then wKen with the andrew jackson, and now WU with the thirty spot.

and i didn’t even have to get naked.

physically.

but it did accidently turn on The Incredible Post-Modern Great Idea Machine:

for the billionaires behind “Girls Gone Wild” a new series documenting the phenomenon previously ascribed to the rave culture, incorrectly, but should be filmed and titled “Southern California Ecstasy Parties 101”.

thank you.

perfume companies should sponsor strippers.

thank you very much.

women like little white things little pink things and little cute things, when it comes to electronics. trust me, i know.

electronics companies should make see-through televisions and dvd players similar to the iMac with plastic casings that come in clear, powder pink and baby blue. laugh all you want, if tv’s were prettier when they were turned off, women wouldn’t feel the urge to hide them into whopping huge armoires.

thank you.

the golden arches motel in zurich has the right idea with self-serve reservations check-in. as someone who used to be on the road a lot, there is no reason for there to be a human being employed to have me fill out a form, run my credit card and hand me a key. you could do that in a vending machine.

and why does this mcdonald’s style motel make it hard to get a happy meal?

guests at the motel are forced to get our of bed and walk across the parking lot to get their big macs, which pretty much ruins the novelty of being at a mcmotel, no? all-mcdonald’s room service is an indulgence whose time has come.

get it together, switzerland.

and finally, Directv, who i love, needs to think about the Couch Potato Club, where for $150/month you get everything that your tv can handle. All you can eat. and im not *just* talking pay-per-view movies, im talking local channels and feeds from all over the country, mtv east coast and west coast, and the jewel of them all “blacked-out” sporting events.

the Directv lawyers will think of a million reasons why this couldn’t possibly work, but you know, that’s the problem with society today: we create this cool thing called tv, improve it with satellite, distribute it all around the world, and then make it illegal so that a tv freak like me cannot see the local news out of Iowa because of bullshit fcc regulations.

regardless, Directv needs to learn how to cater to tv junkies like me who would pay for more more more if the price was right. we live in a super-sized culture where americans look at ford explorers as not big enough so they buy expeditions and chevy tahoes. if we like something we want more. give us more, fuckheads.

what i want is local news and programming from all around this glorious country of ours, and i want to stop getting my sporting events blacked out. its ridiculous. no matter what you do im not going to anaheim to see the angels play the yankees. i paid $150 for the baseball package, show me the friggin baseball games now.

anna kornikova, my girlfriend was playing just south of irvine saturday at 1pm. tickets were only $40. i was up at 9am contemplating seeing it in person. seeing her in person. i found out it was going to be on tv so i decided to stay at home and enjoy it in my pajama bottoms. but guess what, i woulda stayed in my pajamas on saturday anyway, fcc and fox sports.

why?

because thats what you should do in america in southern california in the summertime, getting up only to open the french door windows a tad to let the breeze in and refill my glass of orange juice.

its why our forefathers faught all those wars.

so accept my hard earned money, and give me my Iowa tv.

Blogger Pro, which I recently bought, happily, cost me $35. the first person who flows me $35 will get a link to their web site next to the Blogger Pro button for a year.

tell me that isnt a great deal.