for yr ass

in one of the greatest things ive ever seen

(click miss costa rica for the video)

kids, this is why you need to study in school, so that if some asswipe tries to pull you into a public situation accussing you of all sorts of bullshit (some of which may be true) you will come out of the fight bruised a tad but victorious.

George Galloway didnt read from any fucking teleprompter yesterday in washington, he didnt have a manila folder of bullshit at his fingertips to distract him. he had a chip on his shoulder, a well organized plan of attack, and he looked at his enemy the way adam sandler looked at quarterbacks in the waterboy

like they had baby heads.

and then he popped them off one-by-one like a kid in a dandelion patch.

here are just three simple chunks from a delightful 45 minutes of holding ones own, and then some. if Mark McGuire had taken tips from this dude, he’d still have a shot at getting in the Hall.

“Senator, I am not now, nor have I ever been, an oil trader. and neither has anyone on my behalf. I have never seen a barrel of oil, owned one, bought one, sold one – and neither has anyone on my behalf.

“Now I know that standards have slipped in the last few years in Washington, but for a lawyer you are remarkably cavalier with any idea of justice. I am here today but last week you already found me guilty. You traduced my name around the world without ever having asked me a single question, without ever having contacted me, without ever written to me or telephoned me, without any attempt to contact me whatsoever. And you call that justice.

“Now I want to deal with the pages that relate to me in this dossier and I want to point out areas where there are – let’s be charitable and say errors. Then I want to put this in the context where I believe it ought to be. On the very first page of your document about me you assert that I have had ‘many meetings’ with Saddam Hussein. This is false.

“I have had two meetings with Saddam Hussein, once in 1994 and once in August of 2002. By no stretch of the English language can that be described as “many meetings” with Saddam Hussein.

“As a matter of fact, I have met Saddam Hussein exactly the same number of times as Donald Rumsfeld met him. The difference is Donald Rumsfeld met him to sell him guns and to give him maps the better to target those guns. I met him to try and bring about an end to sanctions, suffering and war, and on the second of the two occasions, I met him to try and persuade him to let Dr Hans Blix and the United Nations weapons inspectors back into the country – a rather better use of two meetings with Saddam Hussein than your own Secretary of State for Defence made of his.

…

“You have my name on lists provided to you by the Duelfer inquiry, provided to him by the convicted bank robber, and fraudster and conman Ahmed Chalabi who many people to their credit in your country now realise played a decisive role in leading your country into the disaster in Iraq.

“There were 270 names on that list originally. That’s somehow been filleted down to the names you chose to deal with in this committee. Some of the names on that committee included the former secretary to his Holiness Pope John Paul II, the former head of the African National Congress Presidential office and many others who had one defining characteristic in common: they all stood against the policy of sanctions and war which you vociferously prosecuted and which has led us to this disaster.

“You quote Mr Dahar Yassein Ramadan. Well, you have something on me, I’ve never met Mr Dahar Yassein Ramadan. Your sub-committee apparently has. But I do know that he’s your prisoner, I believe he’s in Abu Ghraib prison. I believe he is facing war crimes charges, punishable by death. In these circumstances, knowing what the world knows about how you treat prisoners in Abu Ghraib prison, in Bagram Airbase, in Guantanamo Bay, including I may say, British citizens being held in those places.

“I’m not sure how much credibility anyone would put on anything you manage to get from a prisoner in those circumstances. But you quote 13 words from Dahar Yassein Ramadan whom I have never met. If he said what he said, then he is wrong.

. . .

“Now, the neo-con websites and newspapers in which you’re such a hero, senator, were all absolutely cock-a-hoop at the publication of the Christian Science Monitor documents, they were all absolutely convinced of their authenticity. They were all absolutely convinced that these documents showed me receiving $10 million from the Saddam regime. And they were all lies.

“In the same week as the Daily Telegraph published their documents against me, the Christian Science Monitor published theirs which turned out to be forgeries and the British newspaper, Mail on Sunday, purchased a third set of documents which also upon forensic examination turned out to be forgeries. So there’s nothing fanciful about this. Nothing at all fanciful about it.

“The existence of forged documents implicating me in commercial activities with the Iraqi regime is a proven fact. It’s a proven fact that these forged documents existed and were being circulated amongst right-wing newspapers in Baghdad and around the world in the immediate aftermath of the fall of the Iraqi regime.

“Now, Senator, I gave my heart and soul to oppose the policy that you promoted. I gave my political life’s blood to try to stop the mass killing of Iraqis by the sanctions on Iraq which killed one million Iraqis, most of them children, most of them died before they even knew that they were Iraqis, but they died for no other reason other than that they were Iraqis with the misfortune to born at that time. I gave my heart and soul to stop you committing the disaster that you did commit in invading Iraq. And I told the world that your case for the war was a pack of lies.

“I told the world that Iraq, contrary to your claims did not have weapons of mass destruction. I told the world, contrary to your claims, that Iraq had no connection to al-Qaeda. I told the world, contrary to your claims, that Iraq had no connection to the atrocity on 9/11 2001. I told the world, contrary to your claims, that the Iraqi people would resist a British and American invasion of their country and that the fall of Baghdad would not be the beginning of the end, but merely the end of the beginning.

“Senator, in everything I said about Iraq, I turned out to be right and you turned out to be wrong and 100,000 people paid with their lives; 1600 of them American soldiers sent to their deaths on a pack of lies; 15,000 of them wounded, many of them disabled forever on a pack of lies.

audio and video here + buzzmachine ignores it? + metafilter certainly didnt

by tony pierce

for the hotties. right, mr. rushdie?

mainly. but also because my hero the instapundit, doesnt seem interested in it any more.

over the last few days two incredibly juicy stories about the never-boring Bush administration popped up and very few of my favorite warbloggers including the mightiest one chose to even acknowledge them.

the first happened on friday when President Bush’s Uncle, Jonathan Bush, (his daddy’s brother) found himself in a Saudi money-laundering scheme.

Uncle Jonathan works for Riggs Investment Management, a “major” arm of Riggs Bank, who was fined Thursday for a record $25 million for violating anti-money laundering laws when it failed to report millions of dollars of cash withdrawls from Saudi accounts.

Jonathan Bush not only works for Riggs, he is President and CEO of Riggs Investment Management.

“Riggs failed to properly monitor, and report as suspicious, transactions involving tens of millions of dollars in cash withdrawals, international drafts that were returned to the bank, and numerous sequentially numbered cashiers’ checks,” the Treasury Department said last week.

Riggs Bank, the Associated Press describes as having a “near exclusive franchise” on the banking needs of Washington DC embassies, serving 95% of them including the Saudi one.

of course.

so where’s my favorite university law professor on this one?

bro gets 150,000 hits a day, more eyeballs than most local newspapers, doesn’t he think that any of them would be fascinated to learn that the president’s uncle, the brother of the first george bush, is the CEO of a company that is very closely tied to monies that may have funded some of the terrorist acts committed on 9/11?

i mean, fuck, man.

the last time Riggs was mentioned by the instapundit was about six weeks ago when Newsweek reported that the feds had identified about $27 mill in suspicious transactions from the Saudi Embassy through the president’s uncle’s bank. Transactions that included “hundreds of thousands of dollars” to muslim charities being investigated for funding terrorist activity.

“keep tightening the screws,” the Instapundit typed.

last week they did just that, and what does Prof. Reynolds choose to talk about today instead of this interesting lil tidbit of the $25 mil fine? oh, gay marriage, a link to a restaurant in manhattan that serves caviar omlettes, the debate over watching films in law school classes, and a few paragraphs on an article about an ROTC cadet in “Campus Life” which the most powerful blogger on the web sez is “pretty interesting”.

pardon me while i continue not to give a fuck about the opinions of a random rotc cadet via campus fucking life.

the feds said that Riggs didnt even pretend to monitor the activities of its richest client until they were forced to last year and then began letting the government know that the Saudis were wiring $461,341.72 in Jan of 2003 to the Muslim World League who has officials abroad who have been linked to al Qaeda, on top of the 25-30 other suspicious 2003 transactions that totaled over $25 mil.

i admit that im a hack.

i tell everyone straight out, dont believe me, im full of shit.

and i try to prove it by making up lies that super hot chicks come to my apartment night after night and watch tv with me, and party, and get naked, and make sweet lust to me as today’s sounds play through my computer.

but the instapundit is supposed to be the real deal.

smart and stuff.

which is why when i hear about such bizarre fucking dealings going on between a new Bush and the Saudis the first place i go to is prof. reynold’s incredibly popular site.

and people say to me, dude, he didnt cover rummy’s testimony earlier this month, he knocks kerry for anything he can, hes a shill, hes on the take, hes another foxnews guy in the making.

and im all, shut up, we had beers and talked about tractor punk a few years ago.

and they go dude.

and then they just go.

the other story was just some little thing from pulitzer winning investigative reporter seymour hersh who says that the cia tells him that rummy expanded a highly secretive operation originally intended to find Al Qaeda, to include the aggressive and sexual interrogation of prisoners in Iraq.

Hersh says, “The instructions were let’s get tougher, let’s use much more coercion, let’s use sexual intimidation because it’s� in the Arab world that’s the easy way to make somebody talk and maybe you can even get somebody so frightened he’ll go back into the community and become an asset.”

the article which will be published in the May 24th issue of the New Yorker is already getting reviews from the pentagon:

“This is the most hysterical piece of journalist malpractice I have ever observed,” said Rumsfeld spokesman Lawrence DiRita.

and yet not interesting enough for my boy glenn.

maybe if campus life covers it, the good professor might give it some pixels.

n and x + why does this chick hate me? + toronto 1051 + just one bite

today

you know your party is going well when you turn around and see this guy looking at you.

every party is going to have its share of randoms, but the quality of your randoms defines the quality of your bash.

most people judge parties by the quality of hot chicks, amount of beer on tap, or the variety of exotic drugs in the candy dishes.

but if you dont have those things then you dont even really have a party in the first place so step bitch.

any hollywood gettogether is going to attract beautiful people and rock stars and tv stars and superheros and runaway teens from maryland, bloggers, and theives. and youre going to get those who either were invited by the invited of the invited, or who overheard the address, or who just walked by and got lucky.

bad parties will have drunken frat boy water polo beer bongers who keep jamming the steve miller into the boom box even though the stereo is bumping bitches brew.

bad parties will have coked out mods hogging up the only bathroom applying eyeliner and sniping and ignoring the knocks at the door from people who seriously need to pee.

bad parties will have sleepy neighbors kicking the floor which is your ceiling and call the cops and peek through the blinds once the cops come and tell you that they dont like the smell they dont want to know anything about and the other cop says sir is that absinthe?

and i submit that these parties can be predicted, determined and graded by the quality of strangers who find their way into your home for the festivities. if you look around and see assholes, kick em out, they will fuck the shit up, ruin the mood, and tweak the vibe.

if you look around and see a dude with some jrr tolkien shit tattooed on his arm guzzling a miller high life sporting an eighty five bears super bowl shuffle tshirt and an excellent fake british accent, then you can take off your shoes and enjoy the bash cuz its gonna be okay.

mc brown is the other red flag youve got to look for. if he’s in the house that trumps four or five dumbasses.

if you look around and cant find a random, you’re probably the random. even in your own house.

my terrible memory was exposed when a beautiful young woman reminded me that she and i took in a concert together back in san francisco. apparently we had seen victoria williams at the great american music hall and youd think id remember even some of that, especially with such a pretty girl, but nope. zip. nada. thanks, xbi.

and i was the only drunktard dumb enough to be sipping the baby blue absinthe all night, in big gulps at first, and then waterered down slurps once the walls started moving and the voices started speaking czech.

the hallucinations were vivid and fluid. i coulda swore i saw like five six people on my bed listening to weezer and singing along.

i could have sworn i saw a butterlfly flutter in with a record player and prince’s purple rain on vinyl.

and thats where things get fuzzy.

and last night i went to bed, caught by the sun, and this morning i woke up with the worst hangover ive ever had.

so bad i needed two asprin.

thanks all the nice people who came and drank and smoked and had a great time.

i had a great time too.

you really should have a blog.

youre wasting good shit on a dude who lives very very far from you and is twice your age and wouldnt appreciate you, probably, no matter how many promises you keep.

i will get to some of your questions but you ask too many for one week let alone one night and i have to wake up early (10a) tommorrow so i can go to the doctor before my insurance runs out. ive been healthy as a horse for years, my bee sting was cured by a fifty cent box of baking powder of which i used perhaps a halfpence.

theres a doc on ifc about the z channel which was around before hbo here in southern california but for some reason i didnt have it and never heard of it even though i used to go art films in the eighties all the time with michele which speaks to your point about everything happening for a reason.

michele was a great girl and i was the most innocent midwestern virgin youve ever met. even though we dated on and off for three years we never had sex until it was totally over for us and i was at ucsb. so for three years we saw gregorys girl and my life as a dog and the gods must be crazy and starstruck and my beautiful laundrette and sammy and rosie get laid and it seemed like every single movie that we went to was awesome.

now. michele was like a goth hippie punk. when i was growing up in hangover park illinois i didnt know anything about goths let alone punks and who knew you could actually also be a hippie on top of it.

i envisioned surfing, dating blonde girls who wore bikini tops 24/7 and maybe skateboarding when i wasnt working for a record label. how was i to know that i was going to learn poetry and journalism and kissing and movies and vegetarianism and malibu and the cure u2 bowie velvets dylan all from this ghost with black hair and ruby red overlipsticked blue eyed local.

similarily no one writes like you. dont worry that you cant write like janet finch. dont worry that you cant write like hemingway. bukowski couldnt write like hemingway either but thats what the beer was for, so it didnt seem that much more uglier to buk while he was writing it.

we are all dirty little fucked up snowflakes with less time to live lucky to fall on the eager tounge of tomorrow let alone today

sparkle with every ragged corner you havent already chewed off

highlight every twisted flaw and watch it add to your glimmer

the problem we have with books we put down is that there isnt enough originality there isnt enough passion there isnt any magic there and i say there isnt any magic there because theres no friction theres no risk

the risk for you is to not write like steinbeck

the trick is to figure out why you werent born an old white man and why the lord made you you

iron maiden figured it out and we’re grateful for it

as did bella donna

evel knievel

and lemmy

another thing to remember is that we’ll probably both be gigantic failures at all of this, however if the only true victory is a norton anthology or a pocket guide, then pretty much everyone is a failure and we know thats not true,

plus how many norton anthologies do you actually read when yr not in college?

similarily, how often do you go to the technorati top 100 to find a blog to read. never. so dont buy into the hype.

think about all the great kisses youve had

a girl like you has probably had so many youve forgotten about many of them

hell ive never been a pretty girl and ive forgotten about lots

for every great kiss youve had youre capable of turning a good line, and if you keep typing soon you’ll have so many good lines and then might forget the old quote, the more i practice the luckier i get.

practice hitting publish.

of course im getting “tested” tomorrow, you should get tested at least once a year even if you use the safest techniques known to latex.

and no, i take pictures every day.

xiaxue lives up to the hype + the la times BLOG links matt welch

pundits who are still giddy from beating the drum claiming that newsweek=hitler, are running around with hardened nipples with tails wagging like eager dogs who have just been asked wannagooutside wannaGOOUTSIDE!!!

but sadly they still havent even begun to explain why the newsweek story of last week is any different than those printed in the new york times, the bbc, the washington post’s,

or this one from the Philadelphia Inquirer

Lawyers allege abuse of 12 at Guantanamo
by Frank Davies
Jan. 20, 2005

Inquirer Washington Bureau

WASHINGTON – Twelve Kuwaitis held for about three years at the detention center at the U.S. naval base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, have been physically and psychologically abused, their attorneys said yesterday after their first visit with the detainees.

The men were “all very thin, almost emaciated,” and most were being held in isolation, with 45 minutes of exercise a week, only the Koran to read, and no medical treatment, said Tom Wilner, who visited his clients last week.

Some detainees complained of religious humiliation, saying guards had defaced their copies of the Koran and, in one case, had thrown it in a toilet, said Kristine Huskey, who interviewed clients late last month. Others said that pills were hidden in their food and that people came to their cells claiming to be their attorneys, to gain information.

“All have been physically abused, and, however you define the term, the treatment of these men crossed the line,” Wilner said. “There was torture, make no mistake about it.”

nor do they have an answer for the General (the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff) who said last week that the the senior commander of Afghanistan last week said that the rioting there had nothing to do with newsweek.

maybe they secretly think that if they keep on beating the drum we’ll get to the real issue: we have no business in iraq and we have less business torturing people in cuba.

since we all know the way to the red states is to run around saying Liberal Media Hurt Hulk

hey wait, what’s this, another report from the past of koran flushing?

The Independent (UK) 8/5/04

A 115-page dossier, Detention in Afghanistan and Guantanamo, produced by the lawyers of three of the recently released British men, said inmates had been shackled, punched, kicked, hooded, and deprived of sleep. Amnesty International condemned the treatment, which drew comparisons with Iraq’s notorious Abu Ghraib prison where inmates were ritually humiliated. British Government agencies were accused of complicity.

In the report, released in New York, Asif Iqbal, Rhuhel Ahmed and Shafiq Rasul – the so-called Tipton Three – said one inmate was threatened after being shown a video in which hooded inmates were forced to sodomise each other. Guards allegedly threw prisoners’ Korans into toilets, while others were injected with drugs, it was claimed.

who i want to find are those who will talk when threatened with a soon-to-be-flushed koran, it reminds me of the PETA girls who get naked on the Howard Stern show when he threatens to kill a cockroach.

as if there wasnt enough hysteria, msnbc blogger keith olberman calls the white house’s actions regarding the newsweek story “treasonous“. are there sweeps weeks on the blogosphere? (maybe that explains the bikini girls on the busblog)

meanwhile Drudge of all people reprints the back n forth today at the white house press briefing where Scott McClellan was asked by a reporter if he thought it was appropriate for the White House to tell a US magazine what to print. without his boy jeff gannon as backup, mcclellan loses.

sk smith + leah + blogebrity + heroine girl

to detract my alleged bad acts on my little sister.

the relationship wasnt very far removed from the simpsons, which yes, america, was good on sunday

flanders renting a room in his house to two cam girls. classic.

anyway, perhaps newsweek was an only child because if i had been accused for reporting that us interrogators and miltary are desecrating the koran in a way to intimidate prisoners at Guantanamo, id be saying, but she did it first.

and i’d point with my finger. several times.

if i was lucky enough to have access to the internet i would post pictures of miss universe contestants next to my examples.

Washington Post, 3/26/03

Some of the men released today were close-shaven, but most kept their beards. The men who wore their beards in the long fashion of the Taliban complained most about poor treatment at the hands of Americans and insults against Islam.

Ehsannullah, 29, said American soldiers who initially questioned him in Kandahar before shipping him to Guantanamo hit him and taunted him by dumping the Koran in a toilet.

“It was a very bad situation for us,” said Ehsannullah, who comes from the home region of the Taliban leader, Mohammad Omar. “We cried so much and shouted, ‘Please do not do that to the Holy Koran.'”

Merza Khan, who had been captured in northern Afghanistan while fighting for the Taliban, said Americans in Kandahar tied him up and alternately forced him to lie face down on the ground, then squat with his hands on his head for hours. He also said he saw American soldiers throw the Koran on the ground and sit on it while in Kandahar.

BBC, 5/2/05

The brothers said the Americans shaved the inmates’ beards and screamed and swore during the frequent interrogations.

“We were not subjected to any physical torture as such but even shaving our beards and taking off our clothes is a form of cruelty,” said Abdul Rahim.

Abdul Rahim, with his son, says he kept his sanity through poetry

He said a number of Arab prisoners had still not spoken to their investigators after three years to protest at the desecration of the Koran by guards.

New York Times 5/1/05

A high-level military investigation into accusations of detainee abuse at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, has concluded that several prisoners were mistreated or humiliated, perhaps illegally, as a result of efforts to devise innovative methods to gain information, senior military and Pentagon officials say.

The report on the investigation, which is still a few weeks from being completed and released, will deal with accounts by agents for the Federal Bureau of Investigation who complained after witnessing detainees subjected to several forms of harsh treatment.

The F.B.I. agents wrote in memorandums that were never meant to be disclosed publicly that they had seen female interrogators forcibly squeeze male prisoners’ genitals, and that they had witnessed other detainees stripped and shackled low to the floor for many hours.

[…]

The new report by General Schmidt also comes as an increasing number of Guantánamo prisoners who have been released are providing accounts of their treatment for the first time to journalists and supportive American lawyers.

One recently released detainee, interviewed by telephone from Kuwait, said he had witnessed or learned from fellow inmates about many of the abusive practices that have been described in previous reports by nongovernmental groups like the International Committee of the Red Cross.

But that detainee, Nasser Nijer Naser al-Mutairi, also said in a series of interviews with The New York Times that detainees sometimes prevailed over the authorities after protesting conditions with campwide hunger strikes.

Mr. al-Mutairi said there were three major hunger strikes in his more than three years of imprisonment at Guantánamo. He said that after one of them, a protest of guards’ handling of copies of the Koran, which had been tossed into a pile and stepped on, a senior officer delivered an apology over the camp’s loudspeaker system, pledging that such abuses would stop. Interpreters, standing outside each prison block, translated the officer’s apology.

A former interrogator at Guantánamo, in an interview with The Times, confirmed the accounts of the hunger strikes, including the public expression of regret over the treatment of the Korans.

if i was newsweek, and the state department wanted to blame me for causing riots in afghanistan.

first i’d say but i thought General Myers said that wasnt the case

But only a few days earlier, in a briefing on Thursday, Gen. Richard B. Myers, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, had said that the senior commander in Afghanistan believed the protests had stemmed from that country’s reconciliation process.

“He thought it was not at all tied to the article in the magazine,” General Myers said. – NYT 5/17/05

and then i’d say how is what we wrote any different than what they wrote?

heres the entirety of what newsweek wrote in their 5/9/05 issue:

Gitmo: SouthCom Showdown

May 9 issue – Investigators probing interrogation abuses at the U.S. detention center at Guantanamo Bay have confirmed some infractions alleged in internal FBI e-mails that surfaced late last year. Among the previously unreported cases, sources tell NEWSWEEK:

interrogators, in an attempt to rattle suspects, flushed a Qur’an down a toilet and led a detainee around with a collar and dog leash. An Army spokesman confirms that 10 Gitmo interrogators have already been disciplined for mistreating prisoners, including one woman who took off her top, rubbed her finger through a detainee’s hair and sat on the detainee’s lap.

(New details of sexual abuse—including an instance in which a female interrogator allegedly wiped her red-stained hand on a detainee’s face, telling him it was her menstrual blood—are also in a new book to be published this week by a former Gitmo translator.)

These findings, expected in an upcoming report by the U.S. Southern Command in Miami, could put former Gitmo commander Maj. Gen. Geoffrey Miller in the hot seat. Two months ago a more senior general, Air Force Lt. Gen. Randall Schmidt, was placed in charge of the SouthCom probe, in part, so Miller could be questioned.

The FBI e-mails indicate that FBI agents quarreled repeatedly with military commanders, including Miller and his predecessor, retired Gen. Michael Dunleavy, over the military’s more aggressive techniques. “Both agreed the bureau has their way of doing business and DOD has their marching orders from the SecDef,” one e-mail stated, referring to Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. Sources familiar with the SouthCom probe say investigators didn’t find that Miller authorized abusive treatment.

But given the complaints that were being raised, sources say, the report will provoke questions about whether Miller should have known what was happening—and acted to try to prevent it. An Army spokesman declined to comment.

the mistake that newsweek made and continues to make is by giving in after rightfully denying any wrongdoing.

have they learned nothing from big brother bush?

deny everything is so 2005 that if you don’t call bullshit and whine what about the bbc, nyt and wapo, you’ll get accused of being unpatriotic by the instapundit on msnbc.com

and once again i find myself agreeing with the good professor.

bad newsweek.

sploid + welch + san diego

but it is a new photo essay

im not going to send out any resumes until its far too late, im not going to work on anything creative until i have no time to, im not going to clean my ridiculously dirty apartment, im not going to work out, im not going to catch up on all the crap my thousand gig tivo keeps suggesting that my black ass watch, im not going to read the bible and write about it in a new secret bible blog,

im not going to go to the movies every day and write about it in a new blog called moviesprettymuchsuck.com, im not going to meet a new girl every day and kiss three a week, im not going to do any new photo essays, im not going to hang out with tsar as they tour around the west, im not going to write something long and interesting for the la weekly, im not going to hitchhike across the country while i sublease my bachelor pads

im not going to organize my computer, my mp3s, my photos, or this website

im not going to cover e3, im not going to intern at the LA Times and get a gig there blogging now that theyve begun to make their online arm better, im not going to write all the cool kids who i love on buzznet, im not going to network throughout the blogosphere so that i can quit hoverring around 2k hits and quadruple that shit like so many others have already done,

and for damn sure im not going to get high every day and write the novel thats in me

im not going to hang out at dodger stadium and sell $2 bags of peanuts for $5

im not going to paint my bedroom, my bathroom, my laundry room, or my tub like ive always promised

im not going to fix the broken window pane behind my tv, im not going to sell 90 per cent of the shit in my house on ebay which is definately shit, im not going to donate anything to the poor even though i now know how sorta scary it is not to know where your next paycheck is coming from

im not going to jog around my neighborhood every afternoon at noon and lose this buddah belly when nobody is out except for the mailman and the dogs and the old ladies and their umbrellas

im not gonna get my bike fixed, or go to the doctor before my medical insurance expires at the end of the month, or take my dentist up on his generous offer, or take anyone up on their generous offers

im not going to watch every baseball game that comes over the satelite, im not going to call my buddy stu from the stern show, im not going to properly thank all my friends from my old department for coming to my farewell party at welch’s, and lord knows im not going to send a card to matt and em for throwing the damn thing which was lovely and wonderful

im not going to write about how the baking powder and water paste solution really did knock down the itching and bloating of my crazy bee sting, im not going to find osama, and im certainly not going to apologize or retract the information that ive received that our gitmo interrogators are doing far more fucked up shit than flushing copies of religious texts down toilets in order to psychologically brutalize illegally incarcerated human beings who at this point couldnt give a shit what you jammed down the head.

im not going to hang out with my xgirlfriend as she prepares to leave town for the peace corps, im not going to hang out with my other xgirlfriend as she does whatever it is that she does two bus lines away from me, im not going to interview the 92 year old lady who lives in a shoe who yesterday told me that if she was younger id be in trouble and then she cackled and hung up

im not going to buy a guitar and learn how to play some chords other than a, c and that other one i know

im not going to go to venice beach and sit on a towel and sell How To Blog to the tourists, im not going to join the mexican ice cup union and scrape ice into cups and squirt flavor on it for the kids, im not going to try out for the dodgers, im not going to convince michael jackson that he needs to hire him to say WTF every time he shuts the door behind him and spends the night with a little boy

im not going to grow a beard until i find work, im not going to think about grad schools, im not going to tell google that i love them but they HAVE to get a delete button on their gmail shit or im… fuck i dont know but it will involve a mean email.

im not going to be a ticket taker at manns chinese, im not going to dress up as bart simpson and pose next to tourists for tips, im not going to audtion to be a dj at my local strip club which has always been my secret ambition because candy is on the the side stage candy everyone

im not going to blog more, im not going to spell check more, im not going to fix my links, im not going to do shit other than waste time get fat get older and ruin this great opportunity i have in front of me, im going to sit in one of my many mansions and do the same old bullshit that ive done for the last four years: diddley squat in lowercase signifying nothing.

scienceblog + terra + gmask got it wrong, the simpsons were great on sunday