but some of us picked a few tricks up along the way. especially if you figured out how to stay there for seven years.

anyways one of my writing teachers had a dare for all of us.

because we were precocious and dainty and bigheaded and thought we were the shit she said right before class was almost over

everyone write a five minute poem.

startinnnnnnnnng now!

and all fifteen of us were shocked and we flipped to an open page

and started writing something.

art she must have known can not be rushed, but there she was rushing us.

inspiration cannot be demanded to appear at the snap of the finger, but voila

and id say half of the kids in the room knew how to write.

some were excellent stylists, some mimics, but a few, a handful just knew how to tell a story.

one girl wasnt attractive in the slightest.

if mike royko had a daughter who looked like him in all the worst ways, that would be this girl.

but she wrote so well that i had a massive crush on her

four minutes thirty now

and it wasnt a race against the clock, in my mind at least

it was a competition against the others.

me against the world.

and when the five minutes were up the teacher said ok now these dont mean anything, it was just for fun

but then she read them aloud

and we laughed because some were clever

some were dumb

and there were no grades but i liked that unsaid approval or disproval right when your mind was floating off to which burger place i was going to skateboard past.

another quiz we had once was you have five minutes to write the worst poem you can think of. bad poetry, readddddddy go!

that one i highly recommend.

tonight a young lady invited herself over to my apartment to watch the annual golden globes competition and my house wasnt ready for guests and i had very little in the fridgerator and i really just wanted to stay in my pajamas, but there i was in my pajamas with some corderoys pulled over them and and hoodie over my pajama shirt and i finished watching the first half of the lakers heat game on one tuner while tivoing the globes on the other tuner.

she walked in and i thought, i got both tuners rollin, ive got pajamas on, and im not even gonna clean up my shit to establish with this new chick that what you see is what you get. you want a clean house, go back to your girl friends.

the cuban girl called in the middle of the show and i was all your bff is on the globes and sure enough there was busy philipps from one of my favorite tv shows, love inc at the ang lee brokeback mountain table! quite a step up from getting podcasted by some retard.

but the best part of the show was mariah carey, my girl.

bootyliscous.

but the best part of the night was after the awards i had to establish something else, which was, there will be a lot of drinking.

some young ladies, however, drank lite beer all through college.

and is now passed out on my couch.

and i had a teacher who said animals dont talk shoes dont talk and flowers dont talk – dont make things that dont talk talk.

thank heavens that couch keeps his mouth shut.

boink + brian + misty + columbia

greatest black man of all?

they couldnt have been cuter

im looking forward to the weekend not because its the weekend whoo hooo but because my bears are in the playoffs and i cant wait for sunday.

i broke my new years resolution last sunday. i didnt read the Bible. i suck. and it wasnt like i was doing a lot of shit. and it wasnt like there was even a lot on tv.

do you know its thirteen days into the year and i havent had a hot kiss from a hot chick yet?

how can that be?

im a b-list blogger! wtf!

btw happy friday the thirteenth.

when i was in highschool there always seemed to be a scary movie at the theatre every friday the thirteenth, and even though i went to all of those scary movies right now, im not so sure i want to see Hostel which is the current scary movie.

i understand that its intensely intense. and im not sure in my advanced age i could handle that this week. maybe after the bears win the super bowl.

speaking of films, Brokeback Mountain just replaced King Kong in my local theatre. and i know people are saying that its the movie of the year and its great and its a great love story and the chick from the Princess Diaries gets naked in it

but when it comes right down to it do i want to pay money to see heath ledger make out with kirstin dunst’s boyfriend?

the answer is a whitney approved hell-to-the-no

however when mr skin shows me the three seconds of anne hathaway i’ll be ready.

am i a bad person for not wanting to see Brokeback Mountain?

yes im slightly homophobic but only slightly. but as a single man with no real love interest around, do i really want to see any romance right now? wont it just make me more bitter than i already am?

hell i was jealous that king kong found love and he was just a big dirty ape!

speaking of films, how about Lost this week, huh?

ive decided that on Fridays we can discuss Lost. that gives people a day and a half to watch the show and if they come to the busblog on Friday afternoon and get bummed out that we spoiled some of it then tough titties.

anyways LOVED Lost this week. i love how they can do a backstory on anyone and get away with it – and most of the time it advances the plotline.

but heres my question for those with the eagle eye — why did bro burn the whole plane including the H? was it because the drugs killed his brother? was it because drugs sorta ruined his life?

seems to me that on an island like that someone might need those drugs for, you know, medical reasons, wink wink nudge nudge.

no seriously people are getting ripped to shreds by dinosaurs (well they were last year) and theres operations that are being done, why not have some H on hand for the good doctor to dole out in the proper amount?

i dont know, seems to me that this bunch of Survivors sure waste a lot of their resources whereas the people on real Survivor fucking eat ants rodents even that chicken that was used as a sacrifice.

in conclusion i saw Beauty and the Geek 2 yesterday and it was awesome.

leah’s gonna get married in 5.5 months

shes registered at target, she rented a dvd for new years and now shes picking out flowers for her big bash

>Picking flowers. Who knew what a big rucus flowers could cause? We initially picked out flowers months ago deciding to get them out of the way. We were going with calla lilies and lots of greenary. How come everyone but us knew that calla lilies were the most expensive flowers in the universe? Anyways, so we changed everything. We are now going with amazing colors! (orange, pink, hot pink, red, and yellow) and I even get an arch. So excited about the arch. Gerber daisies, you are lovely!

>Met with the chef. Cheese, fruit, cake, and veggies. Eat before you come. I’m not your mother!

mimi’s getting married this weekend.

she may hurl.

OK. Now I’m nervous. So nervous that I can’t think very well. So nervous my throat is constricting and I keep having to pee. Tomorrow is rehearsal and blah blah and Saturday is it. Next time I post here I’ll have a new last name. And finally there will be no more wedding talk.

Wish me luck. I’m off to be a bride. Gulp.

bunny mcintosh has now been married twelve days.

this was her report from the silky deserts of las vegas

On Jan. 1, 2006, the resurrected bodies of my past life lovers George Washington and Benjamin Franklin ascended from Middle Earth to witness this, a most perfect union, between yours truly, Bunny Mcintosh and her dashing and wonderful husband, Richard Delicious.

I got married in a black dress. I won hundreds of dollars in slot machine play, and chased Weird Al Yankovic through a Caesars Palace shouting “Mr. Weird! I’m your third biggest fan. I have several of your tapes…” in a drunken bout of enthusiasm.

I will post pictures and tell you much more of my tale in a heart felt post in the not so distant future. Right now, I am decompressing by building a shed in the yard. In the mean time, be good my pretties.

we’re still awaiting that heartfelt post, however if you have anything you wanna ask the chickie from metric, mrs delicious will be happy to ask them for you.

ms jana pants finally made it to harvard and whats the first thing she does? dry hump the statue of the founder mr john harvard.

god bless our little angel.

does anyone read this piece of shit and live in boston, i don’t know anyone near my age and i want to go get wasted and do things that are not wholesome fun for the whole family. i lied, the only person i know here is a dude i was in future business assholes of america crap with in high school on the state leadership team and he is kind of boring and i don’t even think he drinks or whatever and we used to hook up Aaaaand he has a girlfriend. so it might be awkward.

come distract me so i don’t have to hang out with senator lameface. also i am going to nyc on saturday so if you want to buy me a drink please email.

alecia is the girl of my dreams. if only i was eighty years younger.

Over Winter Break I’ve:
-Gone to Mexico twice.
-Broken THREE fucking cellphones.
-Made out with a handful of guys.
-Made out with a couple lucky females.
-Smoked a lot of reefer.
-Taken a lot of adderall.
-Earned and promptly spent a shitload of money.
-Drank mind-blowing amounts of beer.

someone is clearly guest blogging over at chez flagrant:

– spent several hours researching at ucla.
– agreed to [guest lecture event] with the prosperous professor.
– sought out additional resume parchment paper in westwood.
– [worst part of day:] retrieved voicemail messages.
– agreed to go out this week with a make!up!artist! friend.
note: dread, i look ghastly, sick, rough, and worn, etc…

– shopped at whole foods.
– went to my house for the first time since last thursday.
– roasted a turkey breast for the physician who moved in with me.
he said: “i thought you never left the house?”

note: too many people continue to confuse today with yesterday.
consider: don’t they ever change their calendars?

and yes, i see shes dropped my link. no need to continue with the emails. the busblog hasnt been all that lately, who can blamer?

speaking of swimsuit models, why is it that when i see this, i like it just as much as this?

infact those curves simply make my mind want to snowboard all over them.

maybe it means im not gay after all.

take that shelbyville.

anti + featured fotos + freak power tix

Tonee,

Sorry to be the one, but Sutter’s going in as a Cardinal. He says his family best remembers him throwing the last pitch of the ’82 World Series. I feel your pain.

The Cards did the same thing with Steve Carlton to the Phils in the early 70s because Augie Bush was as moronic as the Wrigley folks. Assholes.

Regards from your friend who has to confess to Cardinal fandom since age four (which makes me eighty four),

Mark Anderson

yes mark i had heard the terrible news.

someone in my comments notified me and because im not very level headed i called him names and dared him to prove it.

sadly i found the evidence before he did and i deleted my bitter comment of hate and ignorance.

this is a horrible act of disloyalty to the club that signed you, taught you the pitch, made you a star and loved you like one of their own.

he says his family remembers the world series the most

and thats why hes going in as a cardinal.

yeah sorry bruce, there havent been any cubs world series wins since 1908, dont take it personally.

and btw thanks for putting salt in the wounds of cub fans that the reason youre going in as a card is because of the world series.

whys it always gotta be about the world series.

i have a sneaking suspicion that the cardinals paid you to go in as a cardinal now that it looks like mark macguire will never get in, and its gonna be a long time till puljos is eligible.

i hate you bruce sutter, my former favorite player.

no i dont yes i do no i dont.

when i was in college i had a friend named gregory vaine who inspired me to do lots of things: record things on tape, write things down, take photos, and paint on found wood.

i am not a good painter in fact i cant paint at all.

and lord help a bad painter when he uses watercolors, not real paint, watercolors and paints that on wood.

but in those days i was doing a lot of drugs and i had patience back then that i dont have now and i blame the internet modem for that. ive noticed that i have the attention span and tolerance of the current modem speed.

back then i had the patience of a 14.4 dialup thru aol.

which meant i spent more time romancing the ladies, more time to read books, and more time to try to make watercolors work on dirty plywood

one summer in college i went home to illinois and i got a job as an ice cream man

i also had a summer girlfriend named tracey degrazia who i fell in love with and i would love to talk too again so if any of you know her she lived in park ridge

sigh

when the summer was over i had to fly back to santa barbara and we kept in touch and on my birthday that october she gave me a book called baseballs greatest pitchers, because she was perfect.

inside it had a page with a full-page black and white picture of bruce sutter, my hero.

so i found some wood and painted what i saw.

i started at the top of his head and because it was black and white at first i made it that but as i worked my way down i started painting in color, but when i got to his waist i got bored and instead of completing the cubs uniform, i gave him swim trunks where one leg had stripes and the other leg had polka dots.

and then i painted soothing colors all around him.

its my finest work of the three ive ever done.

im seriously considering selling that peice that has hung in my bedroom ever since ive lived here.

being that it pains me to look at it

knowing that he wants to be immortalized as a

a

i cant even say it.

first dave kingman going to great america on dave kingman day at wrigley, and now this.

et tu bruce?

that does it, im not going to the ceremony either.

JaG + dirty fez’s cool tat + panajane + jennifer

on her birthday