my does time fly. just the other day she was 19 and typing sweet nothings in my chat box.

never have i deserved any of the girls who i got to spend time with, but no way should i have had a girl like ashley like me the way she did and probably still does.

yes, it began as a simple internet friendship, and yes, it turned into much more.

shes as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside, and shes even more beautiful in person.

when she kisses you she keeps her eyes closed and lets it sink in. and every one is as important as the last.

you even get extras when you least expect it.

she likes to hold your hand at all times

she squeals

and she giggles when shes happy or when shes naughty.

once i woke up with her playing with the hairs on my chest and she said what would you like today boo

and i said three lovers in three ways

and she rang the little bell and miss gwen stefani appeared with a cloud of smoke behind door number three

and we all danced to the music of janes addiction.

i danced the best

there were judges.

that night the skies parted and a beam of light shone through the stars and gwen stefani ascended into the better place and ashley asked me to write down what had happened so i wouldnt forget it

and all i wrote down was ashleys awesome.

she said you forgot to write the stuff about gwen and i said gwen who.

later we held hands

and fell asleep.

i miss her immensely.

theres no replacing someone as sweet, full of excitement, and a thrill to be with.

and im pretty sure my website has suffered with her absence, but for her theres no replacement.

happy birthday, daisy girl from the future worlds.

youre still in my fondest thoughts, and if you didnt notice, that tinkerbell header has been up all week to celebrate this day.

me and ashley rent a car + she was just 19 the other day + her lj + and her myspace

fuck that, let me tell you the most important thing about los angeles: it’s tiny.

tiny tiny tiny.

and because its tiny you really should pick who youre going to piss off and what bridges you decide to burn when you burn them.

and you can pretend that you are mr idealistic and youd never burn any bridges but there are some people who will cross your path that will make you – literally make you – go up to them and tell them to fuck off.

because los angeles is perfect they will never move away, and you will run into them from time to time, but if you play your cards right you will also run into the good people of this town repeatedly over the years.

so anyways Cuban girl used to work at this huge company that was down the street from E! on fridays she and her best friend would have lunch with me and my buddy in the closed captioning department.

well that big company has moved to across the street from E! like literally across the street.

meanwhile karisa j hotchick just scored a job with cuban girl’s xcompany.

so not only was i having lunch with one of their employees again, but i was driving right past the building that i occupied for four years.

very weird feelings. not all good ones.

i saw some people i recognized. i even honked my horn at a dude i used to schedule but he didnt recognize me with my fuzzy beard, shades, and lowrider, but its all good.

picked up karisa who looked like whoa

miniskirt boots ponytails

almost like she knew i liked that sorta thing on tall girls in the summertime

she got in the ride and i was all your boyfriend lets you leave the house like that? and she told me that her man was hungover from the night before and could barely open his eyes.

still i was like omg and kept my eyes on the road because if you look at karisa for more than a few minutes you start crashing into buildings and losing your mind

thus the cheap sunglasses

as we drove down wilshire we realized we had no idea where we wanted to have lunch and because she had a meeting to go to in an hour we couldnt drive all the way to westwood where i was gonna taker to mr noodle, my favorite. so we drove up rodeo drive cuz you only live once.

fortunately we ran past a little italian place on beverly named Pizza Rustica which had huge slices for $4 and outdoor seating.

they also had a little room with a bed that was curious in a small restaurant.

she had the mushroom slice with water, and i had the bbq chicken and a diet coke.

we talked and talked which is very easy to do with her because you can bounce from the patriots who suck to music which sucks to the sopranos which she is catching up on to medical deformaties in women which she loves to talk about

and then after lunch i wouldnt let her into the car until she modeled for me for 4 irritating minutes. she squirms and forces her smile and looks away and closes her eyes. shes one of the prettiest girls you’ll ever meet but definately the worst model. you feel like youre raping her with your camera. it’s not fun for either but its like the dentist – its gotta be done every six weeks.

so as we drove past spagos i saw an extremely well dressed man getting out of a rolls and i was all i know that guy but because theres so much resin in my head it took me a whole minute and i told karisa Soul Train i know him from Soul Train and we looked at his liscense plate and it said 1ST and i was all “first”? and she said no “1 Soul Train”

and then i was all don corneleious

love peace and soul

and tonight my people tell me Lost is back on the air and it better be good but do us all a favor and please dont comment on it until tomorrow for the benefit of us here in the west coast who might not see it until later tonight which might be super late if this email from this hot chick is the real deal

so let me tell you one more thing, aspiring bloggers, strangers will email you and provide photographs and invite you to a bar

on a wednesday night, when you should be watching Lost

but these pictures are so good that you reply back with

one drink, near my house, two drinks if this is realy you

three drinks if you have a note from your doctor saying that youve recently been checked out

and four drinks if youre buying.

and the craziest thing my friend is you dont have to look like tom brady to get them to say fine im paying

you just need a halfway decent blog.

fine, a three quarters decent blog.

six pics of karisa + tell this girl that uggs are ok + tell this girl to stay at buzznet

for Christmas break and ran into a very interesting machine

its one of those giant claw machines that you see at the Denny’s where you put fifty cents in and get yourself a plushy toy for your kid or your girlfriend – if youre lucky enough to know how to manuever that godforsaken machine

the difference of this one though is its filled with water

and LOBSTERS

now im on very good terms with pretty much all of my girlfriends, so i could call my sweet x up right now and ask her about this machine… like how much it cost, was it a game of chance, or was it an actual self-service lobster grabber

but unfortunately im on my way over to have lunch with one karisa j happenstance

whom i plan to discuss nothing but football as our two favorite teams

the bears and the patroits are in the playoffs.

for some reason she has confidence that the pats can continue their winning ways now that they have most of their team back from injury,

i think shes living in a fools paradise as that pretty boy at qb is going to fall at the hands of pittsburg or whatever pansy afc team theyre playing.

the bears however are a team of destiny this year

a throwback to the monsters of the midway AND the superbowl shuffle sqad of twenty years ago.

and now that we have rex grossman back, everythings good in the hood.

and then i plan to talk to her about buzznet

namely about why she isnt putting more photos up on her strip.

i may even threaten her to put a picture up on my blog starting tomorrow every day until she starts submitting regularily, just like all of you should.

howard stern proudly mentioned the other day that 3 million people signed up to Sirius after he announced that he was going to eh eh eh

so how has Buzznet fared since they signed yours truly?

overhead in the office the other day, our hits and signups in q4 have jumped 35%.

coincidence?

of course.

one man surely cant effect a web site that much in such a short period of time.

however to celebrate our continuing success i will continue to link to peoples buzznet accounts at the bottom of each of my busblog posts.

if you know of a worthy buzznet account that im overlooking, please let me know.

jeanine + ashley + alistair + koganuts

hasnt it felt like 44 years since the last lost?

this weekend coming back from brunch we past this motel that was drying its sheets out in the air.

and i fucked up.

i told her, the only reason that i would marry paris hilton or her sister would be so we could try to buy up as many small motels that we could and make them supercool.

she was upset because apparently last week i told her that i probably am not a monogamous man. ive been successful at it, i allegedly said, but since i didnt think it was a natural activity, i was foolish to attempt it just because lots of other people went for it.

i was all baby, no ones saying theyre gonna marry paris hilton. shes got no titties.

which was another fuckup since babydoll runway model didnt have any titties either.

so as i attempted to hold her hand as i drove i told her that i had heard that motels spend an ungodly amount of money on laundry and water and soap

and i told her about the best western on the 5 outside bakersfield that had one little soap out in the room sink, but had big a soap/shampoo/conditioner dispenser in the shower

which i liked because it saved a lot of soap.

silence.

im not talking to you, she said.

so i turned on my sirius satelite radio to the maxim station and they were discussing the fact that 23% of married couples do not sleep in the same bed.

i held my hand up to her and i said

the only problem with that shower dispenser soap is it made my hands break out

and sometimes the faces these girls make

is awesome.

best + cds + of 2005

kobe scored 45 but he did it so smoothly he made it look like 25.

chris has had season seats for the last five years so its nice to go to the game with him cuz he knows what the hell is going on.

i took the subway for the first time in a very long time. it was quick, easy, and cheap, just like me.

even the transfer at 7th street was sitting there waiting for us and pulled away just as we got there.

the laker girls looked good, the beers were $10, the hustlers sold $5 beanies, everything was perfect except for the fact that we have a rookie center who scored 6 points in 4 minutes but coach phil insisted on playing mihm and kwame instead.

coach phil’s team is on a three game winning streak and last night they did beat the eastern conference powerhouse indiana pacers.

reggie miller was at the game sitting about five seats away from coach phil.

lots of commercials at the game. hadnt really noticed that before. when theres a time out they play a few commercials on the big screen. during halftime they have some games for the fans to compete in but theyre sponsored by big companies whose names get shouted through the PA about every ten seconds.

but the worst commercial is from Chevron who has three little cars that race around the video screens circling the arena. depending on where youre sitting you either miss the first half of the race or the second half. the only good this race/commercial seems to be is to enable you and your buddy to bet on who will win and the loser has to pay for the next round of beers.

the ladies did come out, in droves, sporting miniskirts and kobe jerseys and looking la-liscious. you forget how many hotties there are in this town until you go to the beach, the laker game, or star shoes.

but in a city of eight million there are nine million hot babes which you forget about when youre driving through the woods of the pacific northwest.

i ate a hot dog for dinner and fell asleep watching keith oberman’s countdown.

im gonna die if i keep eating like this.

chishikilauren + ganem + artsysf + don and jen

because we have a deal with TVT records and you know me, i always do what the boss tells me to do, so here i be.

the Bloggies is holding their nominations for all the things that they do. last year if you recall, i won “best article or post about Blogging” which earned me a bunch of gifts that i never claimed and some paypal $$$ which was nice and noteriety but the best was it was announced in front of some of my friends at sxsw and that was cool.

but now because people are axing their readers to nominate them for things, people are looking back at the winners of last year. which means people are rediscovering the post that i wrote that won “how to blog“.

and even though that post is close to two years old now, when people read that thing they either quote a line or two that speaks to them or they’ll just copy the whole damn thing into their blog after saying “this is brilliant” or “i dont believe in all of this but its great.”

but one thing they forget to include most of the time is the part where i say that if youre going to steal from anyone you should steal from raymi cuz shes perfect.

that part is so true i wonder why people leave it out.

last year the busblog wasnt good enough to win any awards probably and thats fine with me. im not a huge fan of awards because it makes more people “losers” than winners.

blogging is such a personal, experimental, exhibitionistic whisper that people shouldnt ever feel bad for contributing to this social dialogue. which is why i dont like a-lists or b-lists either.

with that said, someone emailed me to tell me two things: that theyve dissolved the “best article or post about blogging” which means that my award is rare now, or something

but theyve added “Best Tagline of a Weblog“

and this person said, tony, is there a better tagline in the whole blogosphere better than “nothing in here is true”?

of course not.

but im too proud to ask you, my readers, to nominate me for that award.

proud isnt the word. i dont know what the word is, really.

right now im not proud of anything. im tired. i have a long night ahead of me because my buddy Chris wants to take me to the Lakers Pistons game and if we get out early i want to go to Spaceland to see Rocket play (pictured, left, with cc deville).

and then i have to help the old lady with her lock. seems she doesnt know where to hide her key outside her door.

did i tell you i had to break into her house and lift her up because she had fallen out of her bed and couldnt lift herself up.

did i tell you that i saw old lady bush. and there was poop in the cat cage and she wanted me to put the cat in there and i said no.

did i tell you that she called me like ten times this weekend but fortunately i was not at home. fortunate for me because i was looking at young lady bush but sad for her because how fucked up must it be when you cant even lift yourself up into your own bed?

so because we live near one of the big sceintologey churches, and because at 92 years old the lady likes them and has read some of their books, and agrees with some of it, i said, why dont you call them up, im sure they wouldnt mind coming over in the middle of the night since theyre right up the street and awake at all hours.

and she said, no no, i want to have my life in order before i talk to them, also they charge for their courses.

and i said theyre a church, they shouldnt charge, and she said, yes but they do.

and i said perhaps they’ll give a few courses free if youre over 90 and live down the block.

and she sighed. and i said seems to me that they approach people all day who dont want to talk to them, seems to me that theyd love to talk to someone who does want to talk to them.

and she said good point.

but i dont think she called them up.

4rilla + xtx + dan + rocket

the one about the twenty year old who had relations with me.

heres the deal with the busblog. i cant bother with your issues. i cant bother with your hangups or your hypocracy. i cant bother with your jealousies or the fact that you sired daughters and are in conflict that theyre gonna give it up.

trust me, every time i write something even halfway sexy someone has to say something, and sometimes that person is my mother, and you know what i tell my mother

sorry ma, i cant bother with your issues. the busblogs gotta roll on.

at the root of the dad objection was probably the fact that i was with such a young girl. who knows maybe i was the same age as this dude. maybe i was a little younger. heaven forbid i am older, but that could be the case too with kids having kids and all.

but if the busblog stands for one thing its the end of agism. just because two people are relatively the same age doesnt mean shit other than they grew up watching the same cartoons.

still over half of marriages end up in divorce so maybe people need to revist relationships and long term commitments.

because britney and kevin are pretty much the same age, does that mean that hes gonna be a good husband to her? or even a good boyfriend?

at 113 years old, trust me, i think i could be a better boyfriend to her. but instead of people saying lets look at all the things tony is, they would say lets look at the only thing that tony isnt: her age.

so fuck that, and fuck your issues. this is the busblog where nothing is true anyways. except the truth. and the truth is i havent made out with a girl my age in a very very long time. not since junior college.

do i have any problems with women my age? no. but i dont have problems with young women either, and i find it fascinating that so many other people do.

i also find it fascinating that because the dad remained anonymous in his negative comment, he could be charged with a federal crime

who knew the President didn’t like negative anonymous commentors as much as i do?

…although, it’s my bet that the new law will be struck down as clearly unconsitutional within a month – what is it about the Repubs and their issues with freedom of speech?

just another example of the elderly always wanting to control everything.

xTx + brandice + blogfart

but i’ll take it.

twenty years old my friends, twenty.

but because im like five times that, guess what was going through my head when i woke up in her far too clean silver lake condo

how can i get out of here and watch the game in peace.

the problem with these young girls is theyre obsessive. they latch on to something and sink deep inside of it.

although strangely none of the ones ive met have wanted to talk very much about blogging.

but the weirdest thing has been not having the bears on this sunday, which would make two weeks of no bears football because who the hell cared about that vikings game. i didnt.

she asked me if she would like to meet her grandmother who likes to have sunday brunches at santa anita.

and if you saw this young woman, youd say tony if you dont say yes to everything this girl asks you youre the gayest blade in the drawer.

titties that couldnt be perkier waiting for my reply.

it was early so i figured i could miss the first game if i could be back home for the second game.

but because i hesitated and had to think about it, im gay.

so i did her in the shower even though we were running late.

mc brown in hollywood + irianna in poland + timmay in frisco + lost girls in brazil

photographic proof on buzznet and on her blog