https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNorMghyyKQ
so Bruce danced with her and i nearly cried
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNorMghyyKQ
so Bruce danced with her and i nearly cried
Meet Me in the City
The River
The Ties That Bind
Sherry Darling
Jackson Cage
Two Hearts
Independence Day
Hungry Heart
Out in the Street
Crush on You
You Can Look (But You Better Not Touch)
I Wanna Marry You
The River
Point Blank
Cadillac Ranch
I’m a Rocker
Fade Away
Stolen Car
Ramrod
The Price You Pay
Drive All Night
Wreck on the Highway
Prove It All Night
My Love Will Not Let You Down
Badlands
Tougher Than the Rest
Because the Night
Jungleland
Thunder Road
Wrecking Ball
Born to Run
Dancing in the Dark
Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)
Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out
Shout (The Isley Brothers cover)
Bobby Jean
but fortunately the xbi took care of that
recently though i have been feeling things and thats good
i have been feeling excited and disappointed and joyous and angry and
all sorts of things
and that makes me feel alive
which we are, of course, right now
for a limited time.
there was a time when i stopped feeling things
and at first it was better that way
in fact, for a long time it was perfect
to be an xbi agent requires a special demeanor.
it’s almost like a jacket that fits too tight at first
but it grows on you.
and even though you think at any minute you’re gonna rip right thought it,
everythings cool and the gang.
tomorrow night im seeing bruce springsteen and the e street band and its good to be able to feel things when youre about to see the boss.
especially when he asks, and i hope he does,
is there anyone alive out there?
all day, all night, in a dad car, in a smelly shirt, with taco bell tacos in the glove box
because no one else would if i didnt
because i dont give two craps why the caged bird whines
because rock in roll is dying and im a little drummer boy
rat a tat tat
my cats are excited im home. i tell them daddy took 24 people places today
but all they care about is did i bring them treats back from the war
girl cat is all tony why do you do the things you do
i say because pete rose led by example because walter payton died of a broken heart
because mother theresa was called names by christopher bitchens
because i know that for once in my life im the best at something
bettern anyone from sea to shining sea
and actually it’s the opposite of lonely at the top.
and she says but seriously did you bring us anything
and i say heres some 8 hour old sushi rolls and if you dont eat em
imma
because of – and only because of – this promotion Uber is running, i have been driving non-surge uber x trips with my benz and it’s pathetic.
i drove over 6 hours yesterday from hollywood to the beach and back several times. up in the hills… everywhere. $60.
12 trips, $60. that means i pocketed about $5 a ride.
fortunately a super beautiful tall black model tipped me $10 after i showed her the hooka spots on hollywood blvd.
and a wealthy lawyer from los feliz tipped me $10 after i told him he fascinating tale of Griffith W. Griffith which he will probably now turn into a major motion picture starring Steve Buchemi with music from Tom Waits.
im doing it because the goal seems impossible: do 75 trips and if you do you get $500.
im a weirdo about goals. i love to attain them.
probably because the love of my life, The Chicago Cubs, has never attained the only goal that matters in my lifetime.
you drive people places and you think, surely this is worth some money and you see it was worth a fraction and you look at yourself in the mirror and you say, Uber is pulling a Digg. they are shooting themselves in the foot – intentionally, for no good reason. this is an unforced foul. they are on top of the world, everyone loves them, they are bleeding money, therefor the most obvious thing to do is Increase fares so the good drivers will stay
but instead they continue to lower the fares which means only the desperate will be drivers
and as we know, the drivers are not just the face of the company, they are the key to the product.
they are the product.
imagine a cow thats being fed the worst, cheapest food and only a sprinkle of water. what sort of hamburger will they produce?
people are blown away by my car, my attitude, my tales, my routes, my smooth rides, my killer tunes, water, phone charger, and sage advice for the broken hearted.
this is what Uber needs to foster more of, instead they chase us away with their laughable fares.
i took these two dudes from the Hollywood Palladium to Brennan’s in Venice, home of the famous turtle races.
i got paid $16 for the pleasure of the cross town journey.
a little more than a year ago that was double, as it should be, and no one cared. why? because it was still nearly half of what it cost for a cab.
and it was better. and i played zep the whole time until the dude from philly said Hey this is the 20th anniversary of Biggie’s death, so i played Mo Money Mo Problems and we all sang along.
the fat lady is gonna sing for your favorite ride sharing app if the fares dont go back up to where they were when people still thought it was cheap.
right now it’s ridic and if it was a car it would get pulled over for suspicion of being on drugs.
every now and then its good to count one’s blessings.
i’ll start.
i’m healthy as a horse. a not-sick horse. i dont think ive been sick in over a year.
my back is better after my trip to arizona and the hot tub aerobics i did there that one day.
the cubs are gonna win the world series. im gonna see bruuuuuuuce with my buddy greg on saturday.
im going hiking with a pretty girl this weekend. i have a cool car. i have a messy room but no one cares.
i have a fun job where i learn every day. i get to listen to great music and talk to the smartest people.
i have a balanced budget. my college girlfriend makes great food for me almost every day.
it’s 80 degrees here today and for lunch we’re gonna have tacos and booze and then dessert.
my side job is fun, i meet the coolest people and drive around the greatest town south of isla vista.
i have three tvs, actual high speed internet, so much candy it’s like it’s halloween.
and i have the greatest friends in the world who try to make my life even better
and i super totally appreciate that. a lot!
wanna see something funny? today is Jerry Lewis’ 90th birthday
there was a time when the Oscars didn’t run over, in fact in 1959 it went short
so the producers asked Jerry to stretch for like 5 minutes,
the results, as you could imagine, were very funny
then i thought i would marry an asian girl
then a white girl
then a latina
now i think i’ll marry whoever is the nicest to me.
over the last two days ive been driving as much uber as i possibly can because they have this cash bonus if you do 75 trips.
little do they tell you its impossible to do 75 trips if everyone else in LA is trying to get 75 trips
so in a twisted way its genius of uber because we’re running around like crazy
giving people $4 rides in our mercedeses
on one hand it makes you feel like quitting the whole thing at the end of the week
and on the other hand you meet all these super cool people who you wouldnta normally met because
you wouldnta been out at 11pm looking for annnnnnyone to ping you.
got this smelly chef tonight.
then got this korean kid who said korea is cool if youre a party animal but not if youre chill
then got these two beautiful saudi ladies with incredible clothes.
then got a lady with leather pants who quietly farted and it smelled like burning hair.
then got this dude who was super cool, and then a lady who wanted to talk about Bowie
but the best was a young record producer with crazy hair
it was my longest trip and he told me to relax
that rock n roll is coming back
via skye ferra
tame impala
and haim.
and i was all, toss some guitar solos in there
please and thank you.
probably not, but if i did it would either be
or something i got in jail
i feel like im a pipe, but around some people im not at all a pipe
and i cannot help it.
i feel like they have wrong me in some way and i dont wanna be a pipe.
i wanna clog that ish. i wanna put off a bad taste.
i wanna say, why are you packing it so full or why do you gotta slobber on it
or bite it.
i say WHY ARE YOU BITING IT YO!
and if they see how i am with other people they might say, see, he is a pipe. in fact he’s the greatest pipe in this whole damn world. whys he gotta be a big jerk to me and a wonderful pipe to everyone else?!?
and i say let me count the ways.
and i say are you a pipe to me?
are you a wonderfully looking smooth handcrafted made in the USA perfect pipe to me or are you something lesser than?
are you a pipe or are you something that clogs the pipe? are you who you say you are? are you who we hoped youd be or are you just a painting of what we wanted.
me im just a former xbi agent trying to shed all the crud ive picked up along this long strange trip.
but for safety sake, just pretend im not a pipe.
ceci n’est pas une pipe, aussi, magritte.
call me crazy.
one day the cubs were playing the philadephia phillies and for some reason i was at the game.
i dont know why but i didnt hate pete rose. if anything i was on the fence about him because he had never hurt the cubs, and he beat the AL in the world series all the time i bet on him.
later in his career they moved him over to first base and in the first inning, after the cubs had made their last out on a ground out, Pete spiked the ball super hard in the grass and it rolled over to the mound
and everyone booed like crazy.
and i thought this is the greatest thing ever.
because you can get people to react when you get a hit or snare a line drive, or bowl over their catcher or injure their shortstop
but who knew you rile them up a second after the inning was over?
this, the game pretty boy Bryce Harper thinks is boring.
your obsession with hair care products are boring, Bryce, not the national pasttime.
there was never anything boring about Pete Rose, not when he was in the box, on the bases, or running off the field to a torrent of summertime chicago hate.
so of course he would autograph a baseball to Donald Trump.
for the right price he’ll autograph a baseball to you
and he’ll write anything youd like him to say
and run straight to the bank with that goofy smile of his