Monthly Archives: March 2016

i have many faults

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gwen stefaniand one of them is that when someone calls me out on twitter or facebook or whereever, i have a very hard time ignoring them.

as a gentleman, i believe it’s proper form to return a volley

but last night something interesting happened. a troll who had trolled me once before was up to his old tricks and every now and then id pull over and reply to his nonsense.

early in the conversation i realized that he had 68 followers, which is nearly impossible.

just by signing up and alerting all of your “friends” you should immediately have a few hundred followers

unless you are full of crap and not who you claim to be.

so instead of engaging him with his bizarre attempt at mockery as he suggested i was unemployed and collecting benefits, i told him that those were exactly the types of things that prevents one from having a healthy twitter presence and that i would like to enter into a wager with him that my two adorable cats could gain a larger twitter following in a week than this fellow currently has.

i drove and moved on but an hour or two later a friend asked he who was that troll? so i checked his twitter to see if he had said something new to inspire that question, when i discovered he had completely deleted his account!

and then it occurred to me what i had suspected all along: if you have fewer than 200 followers you are probably a fraud or a phony or someone up to no good and you should be ignored. this man “Dan” had obviously created the account to rant at strangers and then when the going gets tough he deletes his deal and runs home.

what a waste of time for all parties involved.

so thats my new rule: no bickering with fools with less than 250 followers because it’s probably dick cheney.

there’s gonna be a day that i die

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two years oldand on that day i dont want anyone to take it easy on me just because i died that day.

we have this strange form of “politeness”- an unwritten rule – that says you can’t piss on the grave of the recently departed.

i hate that.

theres only one time when people from all over talk about you and thats the week that you die.

if youve kept it real when talking about someone their whole life, why must that be put on pause simply because youve left this mortal coil?

why must we bullshit each other during the week when we’re all talking about you?

my guess is it’s rooted in some sort of superstition that The Gods are listening and will decide what to do with the dead’s soul based on what they’re overhearing from below.

which is just as stupid as withholding criticism.

if you loved me when i was alive and said so when i was alive, say so when i die.

if you thought i was full of shit when i was alive and said so when i was alive, then lay it on me when i die. trust me, the comments will be up.

and if you kept it all to yourself when i was alive and there is a conversation when i die, honor me in this way: add to the conversation. do not be stifled.

if there is an afterlife and if im lucky enough to make it into Heaven, trust me, I won’t be reading the comments. I will be chasing Marilyn Monroe around a hot fudge hot tub with a giant super soaker.

if there is an afterlife and im unlucky enough to be sent down to Hades, trust me, the Internet connection will blow and i wont be able to read what you say anyways, so go for it.

and if there is no afterlife and my ashes are spread around the bleachers of Wrigley Field, trust me, i won’t know what you wrote.

so go for it.

live your life.

that is the message of the busblog anyways: live. rock. be creative. be interesting. do not be stifled. be free. enjoy all the riches of modern life.

which includes pissing on the graves of those you hated.

or sending a million roses.

me, id prefer Gerbers

and honesty.

had to buy $800 worth of tires today so i did some ubering

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berniefirst guy i got was a college basketball player who kept to himself.

boring.

then i got these two college freshmen girls visiting here from an ivy league school.

we talked about the OJ trial and social media and then i dropped off one of them and it was just me and the other.

i asked her if she liked being in college.

she said she did but it has been a bit of a culture shock because she went to an all girls private school in manhattan and

she was raised believing in girl power

and men and women being equals

but as soon as she starts going to college she hears her cohorts talk about how

they want a wife who will stay home and raise the kids

she said like all of the dudes are like that.

and she was all, hey why do you think im at college? to learn to change a diaper?

i said you know what, youve gotta keep that up.

i told her, when i was in college it was the women who taught me the most,

especially all the things i was completely wrong about.

i said, beat it into the boys.

we need it.

then she told me one of her classmates is donald trumps youngest daughter.

tiffany.

i was like, wow, what a perfect name.

we’re not beverly hills dogs

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beverly hills dogswe dont have to just sit there

waiting for our chance to run.

waiting on the benz to slow down over the speed bump

or worse, looking at trees but thinking about a bowl of wet food by the garage door.

the world is our fire hydrant.

there are so many strange butts to sniff

grass to roll around in

full moons to yap at

squirrels to chase

balls to fetch

trucks to get smooshed by

holes to tunnel down

sticks to break

walls to stain

nuts to lick

and babes who wanna pet us.

aint no reason to sit there and watch the world go by because like all those famous ppl sang

we are the world

we are the children

we are the ones playing with julio down by the school yard.

theres no extras in this game called life.

so get ready

cuz thats another speed bump ahead

i was driving home from work last night minding my own business

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the poorly educatedlistening to the results of the elections coming in.

and they cut to Donald Trump making a victory speech because he had just won some big speech.

and he went on and on and on and there werent any commercials or interruptions

it was just the GOP frontrunner talking.

and talking.

and it dawned on me that CNN, which I was listening to, is in the ratings business. and as long as people were tuned in they were happy.

and things like debates and chat shows before and after the debates and candidates like Donald Trump are low-budget easy-to-produce television (and radio)

which, as we are seeing, can bring in much bigger ratings than anything they’ve ever produced before.

sorry, Anthony Bourdin.

but then it occurred to me that maybe airing as much Donald Trump as possible for as many ratings as possible might not be the best thing for the country, nor is it the most balanced or responsible journalism. arent there others in this race? shouldnt the public know just as much as the other names on the ballot?

or is this all about ratings, which means this is all about money, which means once again heres an organization who cares far more about the bottom line than

silly things like the environment

education

alternative energies

reproductive rights

and all of the things that donald trump doesnt talk about because those things fly right over the heads of the people who are tuning into him insult the height and energy levels of his opponents?

in a perfect world all of the politicians would get the same amount of air time. but sadly it seems like many of these cable news operations has no interest in that sort of perfect world.

it seems their perfect world involves the yuuuugest ratings they could ever get no matter what.

so i turned off the radio, pulled over, and bought 3 double doubles. because who cares. right?

who i would replace Brian Johnson with

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The-Darkness-Justin-HawkinsLong time AC/DC crooner, Brian Johnson, has been told by doctors that if he continues fronting the hard rock group he will go deaf.

Instead of retiring, now that his brother Malcolm Young is back home due to dementia, and his drummer Phil Rudd can’t leave Australia due to bizarre criminal allegations, lead guitarist/atraction Angus Young seemingly still wants to travel the world blowing the roof off the mother.

So here’s who I think should be the next singer of my favorite rock group

10. Glen Danzig – he’s probably a little too heavy for AC/DC but maybe that gruff could add a little edge to the aging group

9. Justin Hawkins (The Darkness) – this dude was born to front a real rock band. Don’t get me wrong, I think The Darkness is incredible. But because it’s sooooo derivative of 80s hair metal groups, many think they’re a joke. I believe. Justin is one of the few that could hit the high notes and the idea of a triple guitar attack on numbers like “Shoot to Thrill” or “Bad Boy Boogie” is fascinating.

2014-12-27-AndrewW.K.byJonathanThorpe2013APPROVED8. Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden) – there aren’t many singers who could add even more power to AC/DC anthems. Bruce could. And he could fly the damn plane.

7. Kid Rock – If there is any complaint about the dynamics of AC/DC music it’s that it’s one dimensional. Kid Rock could add a layer of Southern rock and warmth that hasn’t been there since Bon Scott died in 1980. Imagine what he could add with piano on tunes like “Have A Drink On Me” and “The Jack”.  And what about harmonica on “It’s a Long Way to the Top” instead of bagpipe?

6. Andrew W.K. – The only downside of Andrew W.K. leading AC/DC is he’d be so great at it that kids would think that he wrote all the songs. And his energy might kill Angus.

5.  Ad Rock & Mike D. – Everyone loved the original mashup of Aerosmith and Run DMC. What if you were treated to a night led by the remaining members of Beastie Boys with the live accompaniment of AC/DC on songs that maybe might include some new freestyle verses.

4. Kim Gordon – Some say Joan Jett is the perfect female singer/guitarist to front AC/DC but I’d rather have Kim Gordon who would give a spookier take on “She’s Got Balls” and “Inject The Venom”.

3.  Jack Black – It would be the funniest AC/DC show you’ve ever seen, that’s for sure.

2.  Jack White – It would be the sexiest AC/DC show you’ve ever seen and the dual lead guitar duals would be legendary.

1. Zack de la Rocha (Rage Against the Machine) – hopefully they’d play a half hour of Rage tunes as an encore.

Zack de la Rocha

dear tony, what’s going on with Anna?

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anna kournikovaTony, 

Long time reader of the busblog. Going back, wow, 10 years now. I remember checking in and reading you talk about your then-girlfriend Anna Kournakova.

What’s happening these days with her?

Is she alive? I never see her in magazines or TV?

Curious George

Dear George,

they say our tastes change every seven years or so. there was a time i didnt like broccoli or blondes or russians or sassy babes but then those things changed.

now i actually pay real money for broccoli.

anna started dating a boybander about a decade ago and he never made an honest woman out of her and she never really transitioned into becoming a bigger celebrity after she retired from pro tennis, so would she have been better off with a blogger? duh.

because beauty starts with the heart she’s still a knockout who still loves short skirts and dresses and long boots and long hair and still sends me snaps from time to time because doesnt everyone?

do i miss her? no. do i wish her well? meh. im not sure our lives are meant to just be in someone else’s shadow all the time. i think that goes for our kids our bfs/gfs or our spouses. i think we can do it all and have it all. i think some of us are meant to shine – and not just in our 20s and 30s – but all the time.

anna is a jewel who is in a little box in florida. what good is that? what a waste if you ask me. jewels shouldnt be wasted. but we all knew this was gonna happen the minute she got serious with the pretty boy. oh well.

yes theres homelessness in LA

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silver lake

the other day someone took this picture of two young ladies taking a picture in front of dangerbird records

next to, what appears to be a homeless guy, sleeping on the street.

ive lived near this very spot for over 15 years and theres a few things about this picture

  1. even though there has been an influx of homeless encampments in East Hollywood / Silver Lake / Los Feliz over the last few years I have not seen many homeless ppl sleeping on Sunset in the middle of the day like this, which doesnt mean it doesn’t happen, i just havent seen it.
  2. i see people posing in front of that stupid sign all the time even though it doesnt make sense – it doesnt say pose for pictures it says think about them.
  3. yoga pants are amazing, thanks obama
  4. hats off to anyone who doesnt buy Nikes

LA has a bizarre relationship with homelessness. Santa Monica and DTLA pretty much let homeless people set up camp anywhere they want. Hollywood is doing the same. every now and then some muckity muck will raise an eyebrow and make a phone call and the people are shown the way out but theres an underpass on Alvarado beneath the 101, theres an underpass in Frog Town and there are overpasses overlooking the 110 where you see tents after tents after tents.

and yet when kind-hearted souls built little houses for the homeless to sleep in, the city took them away citing safety issues as a tent on top of a damn freeway isn’t unsafe.

i dont have any answers for homelessness in LA other than to put these people in abandoned buildings in downtown and provide job training, mental health support, food and love. if we can build billion dollar sports palaces we can buy unused buildings for americans who have fallen on hard times – many of whom are veterans.

but we can’t just shuffle our feet and hope someone else comes up with a better plan because they never do.

a to the z

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i drove all night through the desert.

IMG_9329it could be symbolic if you look at things that way.

it was too quick. was it even a vacation? a long weekend? a spiritual journey to find my Chi?

parts of arizona are beautiful and fantastic.

some of it is inauthentic and artificial.

and some of it is lost and forgotten.

my room was for a handicapable person. symbolic? the pool was fantastic but hardly anyone was in it.

kids went nuts because it was big and warm and it had a little waterfall.

but it had all seen better days. i got the room off Priceline name yr own price which is still my favorite way to book hotels.

i ate in as many crappy fast food establishments as i could.

sadly i had to go to walmart in the middle of the night for something that i now forget.

seeing the cubs was fantastic but the best part was when a native american man in a KC Royals shirt came up to me to ask me about the DH rule in NL parks in spring training.

we talked for a while complimenting each others teams.

baseball teams should do a Humans of New York style deal in their instagrams. this guy would have been superb.

drank an Old Style. ate a Portillos italian beef.

drove back through the desert to get home. where its cold and drizzly.

like an entirely different world.