just know nothing i do regarding my heart
my financials
my career
my creativity
or my diet

makes any sense.

if there was a button that said correct choice

it would be the least touched button on my dashboard

but graciously, the Lord Above has saved my ass time and time again

for example when i was at santa monica college and pumping gas in beverly hills

i was torn between going to uc santa barbara and ucla

i had zero idea ucsb was a party school. the internet hadnt even been created. there was no way to know unless you had gone there,

it didnt become notorious until the years i was there

pure coincidence, i assure you

but i sincerely went there because i thought it would be easier for me to study

since it was away from LA and all the distractions here.

i swear.

but the Lord turned that mistake into a good thing.

(the greatest thing.)

etienne and i had some very high highs and very low lows.

there is something about her, still, that inspires me

i was writing her while under all these meds and too much sleep and these words just came flowing out and they were funny and creative and i just sat back as part of the audience because they were doing all the work and she was crying and i was laughing

it was such a flow i probably could have written a books worth of psychedelic romantic comedy all while asking about some of our past moments and she answering honestly and in such a lovely way

one thing i told her in this long flow ended like this

we must have been married 500 years ago and had a messy divorce over a misunderstanding that was revealed with a dna test long after i was hung

she wants to start a dog rescue down there so i made up a name and a poster