the republicans tried to let a retard be president and we got 9/11

trumpand theres part of me that thinks trump is a lucky retard in the same way some people get lucky when they play video games

sometimes if you just smash all the buttons when youre playing a shoot em up game, sometimes you win that level.

im sure trump knows a thing or two about how to get off the hook from being bankrupt

but maybe all he knows is who the right bankers are to ask for forgiveness.

plus didnt he make his money off new york real estate? and didnt he get in when ny real estate was really low and didnt he pretty much just ride the wave as it got really high?

is that smart or is that luck? right place right time?

sometimes i wonder about his confidence. is it confidence or is it the power of positive thinking? the hispanics dont love him and FOR SURE the best taco bowls are not made in Trump Tower Grill.

we know the first isnt true because Trump pinatas are selling at an all-time high.

but now the next time im at Trump Tower Grill imma have to try a taco bowl because im a damn scientist and i want to see really how good they are.

even though they are basically a taco with a wall around them.

they dont look healthy. they look hella fattening and like the lady on instagram writes all the time “you didnt eat that.”

i mean look at that mess. he barely has touched it.

because i like a nice revenge story, i am thrilled that Trump is the GOP nominee and not even the so-called GOP “leaders” want to support him. he’s hurt their widdle feelings. he beat all of their best men and women. but seriously who couldnt beat lying ted, little marco, crazy ben carson, low energy Jeb, and the rest of the morons in that clown car of dont tax the rich and dont let women have control over their own bodies?

so i am happy that Hillary will be able to do the actual worst thing the GOP could imagine: regaining the White House and filling DC with women, minorities, transgenders, leftists, socialists and true liberals.

sure shes probably gonna get us into a war or two that we shouldnt be in because she will think that she has to prove that the first female president isnt a pushover, but

maybe, just maybe, she wont take the bait. maybe she will say, human life is more important than politics.

and maybe she will be more concerned with stacking the supreme court with the most pinko libs archie bunker could have ever imagined.

and thus her revenge will last for decades.

taco bowls in every driveway, amigos.

new yorker gets in the car says how long till we get to the Grove

benzit was rush hour, we were on the other side of beverly hills

and the Waze said 17 minutes.

17 minutes i told him.

he says i’ll give you $20 if you can get there in 11 minutes.

so i peeled out and said, hold on on bro

the problem with trying to get from one side of beverly hills to the grove is theres no easy way.

theres so many ways the traffic flow blocks you.

just getting to La Cienega is rough. mostly because of 3rd Street.

and of course all the olds who drive their cars so gingerly and cautious

as if theyd never taken the route before. JUST GO ALREADY you say at every stop sign.

but once you make the Uturn on La Cienega to get through the neighborhoods that amber once lived in you

oh crap, i have 2 minutes to get through the neighborhood? i’ll never make it

so i got on 3rd street and its jammed and because its not yet 7pm i couldnt turn left anywhere

so i try and try and at one point theres something very dangerous i could do

or i could wait like a a patient, responsible man

btw the passenger in the back was enjoying my trip

he had one hand on his phone, doing business deals (which were fascinating)

and one hand on the handle of the roof.

so of course i try the super dangerous thing!

but a truck turned the corner and stifled my move.

good try the guy said, adding, thats some weird puerto rican cabbie shit right there.

after the truck passed i went for the danger again

because who cares about life limb and cops

and we sped through the alley behind the sandwich shop and went the wrong way through

the farmers daughter

and boom, the grove.

still on the phone the dude pulled out his wallet and even though i didnt make it in time

he still gave me the $20 because i tried my hardest.

when he got out and shut the door i drove off

and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed

because that was so fun.

when bloggers turn

best parking space

Remember when Virginia Postrel was an interesting, big time blogger? Have you noticed she has sorta fallen off the radar. Today she popped her head up in this contradictory and surprisingly unfair op-ed in the New York Post.

In her piece she pats herself on the back for being “a good tipper” but then says will not be tipping her Uber drivers and suggests to her readers to follow her lead. She goes further by saying she will save that money for her hotel maid.

Unlike maids, Uber drivers pay for their own car, gas, insurance, and maintenance and drive at the whim of the company who can raise and lower the rates whenever they please (typically the company lowers the fares).

Unlike hotels, Uber can flood the market with as many competitive cars as they wish making it tougher for drivers to pay for those cars/gas/repairs, etc. And unlike maids drivers have to deal with your ungrateful bs on the daily while in traffic often while you’re drunk/buzzed/irritated.

This handwringing over giving someone two fucking dollars for a ride that just a few years ago would have cost you double if not triple, is some of the most entitled bullshit i’ve seen since al gore invented the internet.

It needs to stop.

Give your driver a few bucks and get over it.

would i leave LA? sure.

jackie johnsonwhat would i miss?

all my friends,

this incredible weather.

jackie johnson.

good tacos.

good soul food.

my complete wreck room.

my little cats.

my landlord who never calls me back.

“traffic”

runyon

little joy, good luck, 4100, canters

hollywood blvd

rodney on the roq

grand central market

venice, santee alley, mr. ramen

the all you can eat section of dodger stadium

amoeba, the bowl, the greek, the roxy

don antonios, laurel canyon, the original tommys

jilada, kogi, the mondrian

melrose, crenshaw, ventura, isla vista, home, botegga louie, that ramen place in pass sass  took me to.

midnight tacos, neptunes net, el compadre

the vista, hollywood forever, vegas, the ace, house of pies, prado

shortstop, tuk tuk thai, arclight, chez jay, natalee thai

guelaguetza

5 barbers no waiting, randys donuts, z pizza, angel city brewery

the cerritos library

huntington hospital, three clubs, blossom

and zuma

why this headline should say “Uber Driver’s Family Gets $500k”

uber driver

Journalists aren’t the only ones who don’t know how to deal with Uber, cops need help too.

Over the past two years that Uber has been a household word, news stories about Uber Driver This and Uber Driver That get published breathlessly every week in coverage that no other transportation sector attracts.

No matter if the suspected criminal was actually ridesharing at the moment of the crime or not, the word Uber somehow gets popped in the headline.

Unless something good happens, and then it miraculously disappears from the headline and the fact that ridesharing Actually was the reason something happened is the also buried into the tale.

Look no further than this story. An Uber driver was involved in an accident in 2014 in Santa Clara. He had a dashcam. He had the damaged car towed to his cousin’s house and went home with the dashcam.

st. claraTurns out the Uber driver didn’t own the car. The owner of the car showed up to the cousin’s house to look at the car and get the dashcam. When he was told it wasn’t in the house, the owner called the cops, who a few days later searched the house and then much later took a battering ram to the house looking for the camera.

The cousin then sued the cops for super totally overreacting and said they did so because he was Muslim. This week the city settled with the cousin for a half million. $150k going to his lawyers and $350k going to him. Oh yeah, and he works for for the border control for Homeland Security.

So are we to believe that cops went aggro at the residence of, basically, one of their own, because he was Muslim? In Santa Clara, in the heart of Silicon Valley, which is home to many many peaceful and law-abiding Muslims?

No. The cops went aggro because in 2014 Uber was new and unproven. Cops are leery and would die to be one of the first to reveal OMG video of an Uber car getting into a crash. Imagine the potential handwringing!

So they huffed and they puffed and knocked down dude’s door. Who knows what other Uber-related incriminating evidence could be in there?

Tell me that’s not more believable than: OMG I CANT STAND THOSE MUSLINS LETS HARASS THEM IN BROAD DAYLIGHT SURROUNDED BY ALL THEIR MUSLIN FRIENDS

In Santa Clara? Named after a saint?

Santa Clara’s State Rep is a Democrat who has served since 2007, its State Senator is a Democrat who replaced a previous Democrat who was termed out. Santa Clara’s US Rep is a Democrat who has served for three years who replaced a long time Democrat who had just retired.  I’m not saying a heavily Democratic area can’t have some bad cops…

But I am saying, what is far more likely is even though technically the gentleman had the type of job that would usually shield him from such police aggression, it was probably not because of his religion that the officers were so intensely motivated, it was the evidence they were seeking, namely that it would be negative towards Uber.

And that’s why we need Uber drivers in every newsroom.

Or better yet, journalists to admit that they too overreact when a negative so-called Uber story appears and clam up when a positive one pops up. Or so it seems in their papers and websites.

keira-anne is a beautiful spirit

miss 604, keira-anne, and their boyfriends hanson

pretty much the epitome of what youd imagine of a canadian young lady.

polite, healthy, creative, fun, and concerned with all the good things that you wish everyone else would be concerned aboot

i first met her at Blink 182 show. we were in the pit. moshing. i had been knocked to the ground.

kids were stomping on me but didnt know it was me, they thought it was a bag of Cubs hat.

out of the bloody darkness i saw a hand. it was hers, but i couldnt reach up.

then suddenly she grabbed my scruff and pulled me out from certain death.

she dragged me to the edge of the pit, borrowed a beer from a stunned gentleman who couldnt believe he was seeing The keira-anne in the flesh

she poured some down my throat and wiped the blood from my brow with the remains.

she kissed my forehead and pushed me back into the swirling mass of bodies.

little bluebirds fluttered around her and placed a wreath of wildflowers atop her blonde locks.

i mouthed thank you

she mouthed

eat timbits

which is now my gmail password.

today she posted an interview she conducted with me recently.

click if only to see a cute pic of she and i in canada in 2007.

sometimes i read her old emails

beckydo people admit that?

do you think less of me for that?

you shouldnt.

some people obsess over bad things. they’ll replay fights theyve had or ways others have wronged them.

id rather focus on good stuff.

she wrote me emails like almost every day. sweet ones.

i wrote her too. but for different reasons.

for a while we were right there. but then no.

pink floyd once said

and if the band youre in starts playing different tunes,

i’ll see you on the dark side of the moon.

which is sad. and i didnt want this to be sad. i just wanted to admit something that if i get hit by a truck today everyone would know forever. which is, yeah sometimes i still read an email or two from the past.

to remember when someone thought i was cool.

theres things that make me sad, theres things that make me not sad

fishtheres things that bring me joy,

theres things that bring me great joy

the other day i saw something stupid

the other day i saw true beauty

sometimes the weirdest wonderful things occur

sometimes i wonder why we bother

this pretty girl noticed me

this fucked up shit went down

often im inspired in the oddest way

and sometimes

even when the holy ghost himself

floats down from whereever he’s been watching

and whispers in my ear

tony

yo tony

dude bro!

i dont even hear

because im so obsessed with the noise of the mediocre

im so in tune with the fake

im keeping up with the wrong kardashians

im paying the wrong piper

as prince bowie and lemmy showed us there is an expiration date on our milk

we need to drink it all in, we need to begin the beguine, we need to follow the honey, we need to combat rock

we need to fish in the deep waters

we need to do what hasnt been done

we need to stop fighting the sun

we need to stop fighting

the son

we need to

once a year matt and emmauelle come to town for tacos

ben matt and busblog

and we eat them at Malo and drink the tasty margaritas and catch up and all is well

and in the morning i have a throbbing headache

and in the afternoon i want to die

but its worth it because all our friends are lovely like basart who took this pic

and ben who secretly paid the tab!

ben wondered if maybe this so called thing called Life could be a computer simulation

maybe we’re all droids

and as they were discussing the philosophy of Berkeley i said

i dont think this is a computer simulation. i dont think we are droids

because

when i first came to LA and first made out with this beautiful girl in the backseat of my grandmas cadillac

we were doing this and we were doing that

and i was thinking oh man im so lucky, look how beautiful this girl is, look how beautiful this view is, listen to how the radio station is stoking us with killer music

and then she said, tony, slap me, slap me right in the face

i said ?

she said, it’ll turn me so on

i said to the boys, aint no computer simulation i know of that would program a very sweet make out session that would climax, so to speak, in the pretty girl saying slap me and call me a ho

so screw you Bishop Berkeley

eight years ago today i saw prince at coachella

coachellai went with the wild and lovely suzie from canada. we had met once before in toronto and she said omg its tony pierce and promptly twisted both of my nipples through my cubs shirt.

i was press so i got vip and somehow we got another one for her. those were the days when wearing an indian headdress wasnt that big of a deal and before people could find Coachella sections at their local department store. you just wore fun things.

that year their two biggest headliners were Prince and Roger Waters. Waters did Dark Side all the way through and had an inflatable pig that accidentally flew away into the night and landed in some guy’s pool.

we partied with all these dudes from twitter and google and blogger and slept on the floor and drank and had a great time.

i even wrote a review about the sports car that Nissan lent us. and included pics of Suzie for scale.

suzie reminded me a lot of Linda from college: full of energy, definitely hippy sensibilities, and spent most of the time in her bikini.

she called me a carebear, but i later found out she didnt mean it as a compliment.

maybe the best moment was right after i took this picture we swung around behind us and noticed the singer of Aerosmith, Steven Tyler was sitting at a similar picnic table.

suzie let out a scream and ran over to him. his posse didnt know what to do, but bikini girls can pretty much do whatever they want. so he smiled as suzie told him how much she loved him and how her mom got her into them and la la la.

back then you didnt really take a lot of selfies with your phone. it wasnt a thing. you brought little “cameras” with you, or if you were fancy, big cameras.

i was not fancy so mine was little.

Joey Maloney was and still is very fancy so his was big, and not only that, but he had a photo pass so he took these pictures of many of the performers. i think he was doing it for LAist.

i remember saying to myself, this will probably be my last Coachella because seriously how could it get any better than this?

pretty sure i went about 4 more times since then.