“dude, we need to talk.” he said.

what?

“whats up with you putting your stats on your page? what are you showing off?” he started.

im not showing off, sonny, i just cant believe that last month i got 300,000 hits. it’s an all-time record for this site and im thanking the readers.

“bullshit. Bull-Shit! you’re showing off, you got all this popularity and instead of making something good out of it you’ve got to beat your chest and say, ‘see how cool i am!’ we know how cool you are, no need to bask in the glory of it all.”

thats not whats going on at all, doooode. there is very little to brag about or be proud about sitting at a computer and–

“and whats this Penthouse bullcrap?”

sonny, anna kournikova’s honor was being disrespected by a pornographer–

“who, you?”

no, not me, by bob guccionne. he said he had pictures of her and they werent her, so i had to expose it. fucking Drudge didnt say shit, and no “respectable” news organization is making a stand. all theyre doing is quoting her lawyer, who, of course is going to say it’s not her. but it really isnt her.

“so it takes you 35 pages to explain that? each one with a nuder and nuder picture of the little girl?”

all i was doing, you friggin hypocrite, was showing her a lot so that people who might not be as familiar as you and i are to her could see the alleged pictures of her and make a reasonable judgement.

“so you were doing a public service or some shit?”

yes, out of the goodness of my own heart.

“and if it was Charlotte Rae who Penthouse said they had pictures of, you’d dedicate 35 pages to her to?”

uh…

“youre so full of shit, tony pierce, i cant even believe you. how many hits did this scamola get you.”

its not a scamola yesterday i got 68,000 hits. my total for the year is close to a million already and we’re just in may.

“you’re a sell out, tony. plain and simple.”

thats your opinion, pin head. and as soon as im done with the poll on the left, where i am asking people what they want to see more of on the site (which, by the way, just as many people are saying to “leave it alone” as are saying “more naked chicks”) i will ask them if they think im a sell out.

“well, the only person whose opinion matters is–”

mine.

“wrong again.”

well, not yours.

“no, i was going to say, fuck head, is the opinoin of the next girl that you hit on. by the way, nice job breaking ashley’s heart. i bet you feel like a big man on that too. no wonder the mayor doesnt wanna work with any of you.”

go drink some more, asshole. youre an ugly drunk and really ugly sober.

“fine, and why dont you go put some more titties on your page and then ask people to give you a buck.”

maybe i will!

“oh wait, have them buy books off of amazon, or buy Dong Brothers tshirts?”

hey, they buy them somewhere, they may as well buy them through me.

“FRIENDS dvds?!!”

it’s the complete first season

“is tony even in there? fuck, you’re worse than U2, you preach one thing, but as soon as you have their confidence you hold out your hand. i hope you get athletes foot or some shit. karma, brotha, karma.”

whatever.

“and your baseball blog sucks.”

and when he went to piss in my toilet, i ran outside and let the air out of one of his tires.