a bigtime celebrity caught me online and asked me a bunch of questions

i said i would only keep answering them if i could use it on my blog. the celebrity said that as long as i didn’t reveal who they were then it would be all good.

it was all good.

tony, you’re black, what’s your fascination with white women.

im fascinated by all women. skin color is as extraneous to me as the color of their toe nail polish.

then why all the white women on your blog?

coincidence. next week i’ll have no pictures of white women, would that make you happier?

not really.

i’ll do it anyway.

of the girls that you are dating, would you marry any of them?

wow. that’s a tough question. i wouldn’t marry any of them, not that there are that many, but i wouldn’t marry anyone any time soon. but i don’t think any of them would marry me either, so we’re even.

then why date them?

cuz they’re amazing people.

don’t you think you’re too old to be treading water by dating just to date?

its better than staying at home pulling my pud. but dating can be really fun.

sex, you mean?

no, just hanging out. being on a date. dressing up. being somewhere you normally wouldn’t. sexual tension. the great unknown. sometimes looking in the mirror seeing all these flaws and sucking it up and going for it anyhow is exactly the hurdle that some of us need in our lives. the date might not end up a huge success, but sometimes just getting out that door and going through with it is a win right there.

you rationalize a lot, don’t you?

optimism is something you have to work on, constantly. you and i are roughly the same age and yet i look a lot younger than you. i credit some of that to good genes, but i think some of it is due to the fact that i don’t dwell on bad stuff being bad. sometimes the bad stuff isn’t as bad as we originally thought.

so you revise history, then. i see.

no, think about sept. 11. when that went down i had all these weird little fears. i looked at tall buildings as possible targets. those first days everyone was scared. no one knew what was going to happen next. then the anthrax happened. then the vice president went into hiding. but now when i look back at it i see a very very small group of people who had a plan, executed it, got lucky during some very key moments, and knocked down some buildings. in retrospect it was not the end of the world that we thought it was. not for me, at least.

but our innocence as a nation is gone.

not mine.

but surely…

they had box cutters and got on some planes. very low tech. wake me when some asshole launches a nuke.

is it your spirituality that you draw from to think this way?

not that im aware of, no. i think im just logical about these things.

what are you illogical about?

my career.

in what way?

im terrified to go for what i want. and it’s silly because i could probably get it. still i procrastinate like crazy.

who’s your favorite artist?

whoever painted the night sky.

is the thousand bucks you’re raising going to your cadillac?


what’s it going to, then?

it’s a secret. but it’s a good secret, i think people will like it.

i swear im such a luddite, all i can do is give you a dollar at a time, how do i give you more than a buck?

click on the big thermometer on the left and in the box that says “amount” type in the amount that you want to give me.

do you think you’ll get the thousand bucks?


do you really get 500 people on your blog a day?

i get more.

and all they have to do is give you $2 each?

wow, you’re a celebrity *and* you can do math! im impressed.

i can cook too.

ordering take out isn’t cooking.

seriously, im a really good cook.

seriously, i don’t believe you.

why do you say things like that?

im just kidding. i say those things so that people will prove it. i want to taste good food.

then just ask! im so sure.

ok, are we done?

yeah, i guess so.

did you like interrogating me?

yes, you answer the questions. i never do.

why not?

i have a hard time thinking on my feet like that.

i found the secret is not to care so much about what people think. just tell the truth.

well, im a bit of an approval whore.

between me and you, i bet people would approve of you even more if they thought you were being genuine.

ok, thanks dad.

lets go drink now. come pick me up.

not tonight.

come on!

im so tired.

everyones tired. its midnight. two hours of drinking then its over.

im not even dressed.

pick me up in 15 minutes or i will tell everyone your name and your real age.

give me 20.

thanks: to andrew, ann, elle and everyone else who flowed the busblog who i may have overlooked.

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