i once read a poem that said,

life is a series of tasks that you want to do and some that you think you have to do.

it wasnt a good poem, but i think i knew what the dude was trying to say.

when it was cold here in hollywood a few days ago i thought i really wanted to move somewhere warm.

today all day i procrastinated on something that i felt like i Had to do to secure my future.

and now im doing something that i want to do: write you.

the independent film channel is on. i watch a lot of tv when i procrastinate. it’s really the only time i pay attention to the tv, other than when it’s showing me the nfl, the sopranos, and the e! channel.

i watched moulin rouge twice today. purple rain twice too.

i watched and taped the raiders game. loved the sopranos. loved anna nicole. loved “the worlds greatest bathrooms” on the discovery channel.

didnt love how i wasted a perfectly good sunday.

you know how old im gonna be in two weeks?


if i was a poet from the romantic era i’d be not only dead but decomposed.

im so old ashley called and said she could drive up and hang out with me and i said, cool. then she said she couldnt and i said, thats ok, i have work to do. only old people say nonsense like that.

only old people think about stocks.

today i learned that Salon’s stock price is one penny. why does this sound like a reasonable price to me? am i missing something?

can it go any lower than a penny? wasnt it just a nickle the other day?

and what does it say about your company when youre selling stock for a penny and you’re still not sold out?

it would make me sad.

but now isnt there a possibilty that it would go to two cents and the dumb sap who bought 2,000 shares for $20 could double his money just like that?

i’ll tell you. this whole internet craze stock market who-ha has taught me one thing about the markets: anything is possible.

and i must say that i like this sort of market a lot better. i’ve got an etrade account. i’ve got $20. i know i probably cant get Salon at a penny, but i might be able to get it at two or three cents.

and what if something happened. something really unbelieveable like Salon started to become successful. i know. impossible. i agree with you. but what if. thats all im asking, what if.

what if Salon after a little while really gets popular and starts trading at 6 bucks 7 bucks. two thousand shares at three cents doesnt sound so bad then. and what sort of cheapskate would i look like in the eyes of my young son when he looks back at these blog enteries and says, “dad, you had a chance to get salon for two cents and you didnt do it?”

and i would crack open another beer and ignore the boy. just like always. salt in the wound, hey son?

he doesnt mean any harm, he’s just curious.

and ashley doesnt mean any harm. she just wants to be loved. just like any of us.

she calls and she calls. we never have anything to say. i ask her if she has seen her boyfriend lately. she says she doesnt have a boyfriend. then she says she loves me. then i say i love me too. then she laughs. then i laugh. then her boyfriend listening in on the phone sneezes. then i hang up. then i turn off the ringer. then she calls and calls. and my christmas lights burn out.

the window is cracked open. summer made a curtain call.

i think about how comfortable i feel with ashley. and how not comfortable i am with some other girls. and then how nearly soul-mate comfortable i feel with chris and jeanine and how do you decide which is the right level? this one girl said she was coming over to say hi and i cleaned up the house so fast. that doesnt happen when you feel comfortable, but its a good reaction. isnt it?

i feel so comfortable with chris that i tell her some of the most disgusting things you could ever imagine. with her help i have mastered the technique of saying such things in the most serious, believable tone. its quite amazing. sometimes she’ll say, pardon me, What did you just say? and i’ll repeat it.

to me, i think thats love.

but she doesnt want me.

she says she knows what shes turning down, but she can live with her decision.

and hangs up.

and the phone rings, and it’s ashley. different kind of comfortable.

the sort of comfort you get holding a loaded weapon with the safety on.

technically everythings okay, but everything aint okay.

it’s midnight now and i have to go to bed because im oooooooold and my wrists hurt from typing and surfing and trying to make the world a better place.

i will go to bed alone, wake up alone, go to work alone, come home alone and finish this thing tomorrow night as the bears face the packers from green bay.

in order to have a different life, the bad poem says, you have to do different things.

so this is the lamest entry i could think of.

ive held down a couple or so dozen jobs in my short life.

and oftentimes, when i worked retail, there would be a day or a few days when the Big Boss or some vip would come and inspect the store.

they were called walk-throughs.

some walk throughs were more serious than others. but all of them meant more work, custodial type things, making sure all the price tags were up, that all the wires were hiding, that all the dead gaps were filled and that all the products worked.

it was a pain, but once the walkthrough was over, the store was a better place, and even if the review was just mediocre one, or the guy just wanted to say hi to the manager, the store benefitted simply because of the process.

theres going to be a walkthrough here this week.

big wigs that matter a lot to me.

now im not saying that people have to do anything different, or form a human pyramid, or only leave sparkling comments, or buy stuff off my birthday wishlist, or get tsar to play a show here on say october 22, or fill up my paypal bottomless pit machine, or link me on you page, or fix me up with your sister.

im just saying theres gonna be a walkthrough.

i’ll do my best to keep it real on this blog and write about the same things that i would normally write about and forget to spellcheck, and all those normal things, but if you notice a few miles off the fast ball and a foot off the curve, and i dont link kitty being really funny, now you know why.

its nearly the fourth quarter and i’m sorta wishing someone had taken a walkthrough during the raiders’ practices this week because other than the first series of downs where buffalo went three and out, the raiders d has been mia.

im getting agita.

i was thinking about making rally monkey tshirts. i think i may have thought of that idea too late though. you’d probably have to buy them today or tomorrow.

time- timing.

new sopranos are on tonight.

hi free willy

squeak squeak squeak.

oh, sorry, hi keiko.


hey how’s norway?

oh squeak squeak squeak squeak super hot babes everywhere squeak squeak squeak squeak.

yeah, i once worked with a norwegian girl at the dot com. she was amazing. so sweet so nice to everyone. incredible memory. very fashionable. but pretty much just 100% all heart all the time.

squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak.

what do you think about all these people who want to get you out of the fjords and back into the deeper waters so you can get more exercise and maybe get healthier.

squeak squeak squeak squeak, #$%@!

totally bro.

squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak?

ah pretty good. it’s getting a little better, but you know carpal, the more im at the computer the worse it gets. so i haven’t been able to do any photo essays or really write any longer things, just little blog entries here and there. i miss the interns. they would totally be stoking me right now.

squeak squeak squeak.

well, if you can pull yourself away from the norweigian babes, i’d love to have you intern for me.

squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak.

see, that’s why i love you, keiko, you ask nothing from me. i think that’s why everyone loves you. who cares if you’re going to die because you love people so much? that’s sorta how Jesus went down.

oy vey. squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak.

ooops sorry, i didn’t know.

squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak.

i know i know, i do that all the time. im really not very conscientious. you’re right, i do project a lot.

squeak squeak squeak squeak?

i think the Twins are going to beat the A’s and then i think the Angels are going to beat the Twins.

squeak squeak squeak rally monkeys!

totally! people talk so much shit about orange county and angels fans and disney, but you’re right, how perfect that the fans, the real fans, came up with a super grass roots mascot and symbol of the team that had absolutely nothing to do with any of the disney merch and turned it into a more powerful voodoo doll than that stupid atlanta tomahawk or even the terrible towel.

squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak?

she’s pretty good. looking good. feeling good. i want to see her all the time, but it doesn’t always work out that way.

well, squeak squeak squeak squeak, antonio.

right back at ‘cha, willy.

squeak squeak!

always, bro.