yesterday when i took the bus home

i felt a little bad for picking on costas the way i did. he’s never really hurt anyone. he’s just a man, just like me, trying to get a paycheck for his family, earn a living, do a job.

of course im jealous that he gets to do what any sports fan would love to do, which is meet all the greats and talk to them and get paid millions to be in cool places where we would do anything to get to be. and of course i don’t mean all the things that i say in the blog, for example im sure if costas had a candy store he wouldn’t just have one flavor of bubble gum filling the place, he’s not that dumb, he’d have his favorite kind too, sugarless.

but then i got home and there were flowers at my door there were “dancers” who wanted to give me a rub down, my email overflowed, i had more comments in my comments section than, hell, a week ago when i implied that the president was a jackass.

basically the public not only agreed with me, but they wanted to thank me and share their disgust for costas.

sweet approval, you proud yet elusive unicorn.

i got links from people who had never linked me, like the photo dude and ernie the attorney, i got daily pundit-ed, i even got a kiss on the cheek from the hottie in the halls who wears this D-12 tshirt and whispered that she likes my hair cut short.

who knew vitriol was an aphrodisiac?

of course i got some facts wrong. minor ones, like costas is from new york, not st. louis. whatever. and that harry didn’t get fired for schtupping the boss’s daughter but for getting caught with the boss’s wife. but these sorts of details can’t seriously be researched when a man like myself only has 15 minutes twice a day during work hours to write in his blog. if you don’t like what you see, either politely correct me in the comments or blame the government for not giving us longer smoke breaks.

at least i smoke during my breaks.

but i do love the comments that you people leave me. without you i would have never known that harry not only got fired for giving it to Mrs. Busch, but he got both of his legs broken as well as assorted other injuries in what was considered an auto accident.

and im no apologist of adultery, but look at harry, the boss’s wife must have wanted to send a message to her husband if out of all the men in st. louis, she chose romeo there.

i also appreciated the comment that someone left that mourned the loss of len dawson and nick bonnacontti from hbo’s once wonderful “inside the nfl.” why hbo thought it was a smart move to take costas off a failing show which he was the host, and dump him on “inside the nfl” which has done fine for 17 years despite itself, is beyond me. hbo makes very few bad moves. that one was ridiculous.

people have written that they wonder what costas ever did to me. he bored me. that’s what he did to me.

i once had an english professor who said the worst thing you could ever do to your audience is bore them.

i had the great honor of once seeing punk rock singer gg allin perform in my beloved isla vista while i attended school there. this man got on stage took off his clothes, urinated, defecated, yelled, cursed, attempted to kick anyone who got near the stage with his steel pointed cowboy boots, and then he threw his waste at the horrified crowd after he sliced his chest repeatedly with a broken beer bottle.

that, my friends, is how not to bore an audience.

do i want bob costas to take off his clothes before he gets on the mic and throw poop at the camera.

of course i do.

but i will settle for him to retire instead.

and if he wont do that, i would like it if he shuts the hell up and allows the real experts around him to get a word in from time to time. costas is no howard coselle. no one tuned in to listen to him talk. he never played the game, and he never will.

he is someone’s little brother who tagged along and somehow ended up in front of the camera. he should do as i would do if i got on the mic, i would let the pictures tell the thousand words. i would tell you things that you might not have remembered but they were sent into my earpeice. i would get out of the way. i would let the hall of famers have their say. i would drink my beer and be a fan. and when i talked i would sound like a man.

theres a rhythm and a song to vin scully’s voice. there was an excitement and a love in red barber’s. jon miller has the perfect blend of humor and reverence as he calls the game and you can hear him revert back to broadcasting 101 when he gives the pitch count, and paints the picture, and tells you the score.

costas makes it okay to be bland and sterile and polished and smooth. but its not okay. when i drink rum i want a little bite to it. when i kiss a girl i want to walk away with some of her glitter.

there’s movement to a well-thrown fastball that costas will never master since he pitches underhanded from the edge of the mound on a sunday in his cutoffs.

the era of costas needs to pass. i harp on him and nbc isn’t even doing the playoffs, but his staleness seeps into the sounds of the game and it appears to me, not that im any expert, that there are far more costas-influenced broadcasters than caray ones.

i know the Lord broke the mold when He made Harry, but still, i’ll take fifteen Ueckers over one costas.

my break is just about over so let me leave you with a little tale that Harry told Sports Illustrated in ’78 when Ron Fimrite did a feature on him.

Harry says:

“About seven years ago my car stalled outside the Chase-Park Plaza Hotel in St. Louis, where I used to spend a lot of time. I was sitting there about four in the morning, cursing my bad luck, when these two guys came up to me. Each of them stuck a gun in my ribs. Hoo boy! Then one of them said, ‘Hey, Harry. It’s you, isn’t it? What’re you doing out this late? Are you one of us?’ I’d been a broadcaster in St. Louis for 25 years, you know, so I was pretty well known there. Well, this guy put his gun away, and we just stood there jawing about baseball. They forgot they were mugging me, and I forgot I was being mugged. We were all just fans. I signed a couple of autographs, and they took off without taking a nickel.”

think i could sell ads in this blog?

i do. i think i could sell anything in the world i wanted to on here. i dont see why that isnt true for anyone else.

if will wheaton and adam curry and all the other has-beens can get a ton of hits and turn that into revenue, i dont see why i cant.

speaking of money makers, guess who saw anna nicole smith getting into a car today? oh yeah.

rumor has it that she saw a guy wearing an E! cap. she said “oh i love your hat!” he said, “would you like it?” she said, “yes, tell me where i can get one!” he said, “oh, they dont make these any more, would you like this one?” she said, “why thank you, let me rub my boobs all over you to thank you!”

i love that girl.


all of that, reportedly happened before i saw the cable tv star and i have to say i thought she looked super beautiful. totally glamorous. very movie starable. didnt look nearly as chunky as she can on tv, but then again, i have a very big tv so it probably adds 35 pounds to her.

i love being star struck.

she was looking right across the street at me.

i think it was me. it might of been at the sign that said koo koo roo over my head.

i wanted to wave at her because i know how much she loves her public.

but im terribly shy.

im just as bad as adam curry and will wheaton. i bet they wouldnta waved either.

hey tony, why the long face?

hi blog. oh, i don’t know, june gloom.

see those pumpkins for sale in the abandon lot, it’s october, amigo.

im not sad, just very mellow. a little anxious about what the future has in store for me. a little bummed about the angels, who i was rooting for last night.

that’s weird, i woulda thought you would definitely be pulling for the twins. minnesota has given us Prince, Husker Du, The Replacements, Jesse Ventura. wasn’t that the first place you ever really got drunk?

yes. in winona, mn.

so why are you rooting for those frat boys from behind the orange county?

for welch. it’s his team.

well im feeling great tony. have you heard all the nice things that people have been saying about me lately?

this feels like a bad vaudeville ventriliquist bit.

just go with it. nobody cares.

why, no, blog, what are the people saying about the blog, i mean about you?

look at this great list, bro:

Ernie the Attorney says: “Tony’s blog is simply one of the best things on the web.”

Nikki, Esq., law student from St. Louis raves: “My new favorite blog.”

The Daily Pundit, Bill Quick says: Jebus Grist, Tony Pierce is good when he sets himself to it.

Moxie beams: Forget simon says, it’s all about Tony. Mr. Pierce told me I couldn’t post again until I had kissed a stranger. Consider it done.

Some Standard Hotel dweeb got his grubby hands all over Moxie? I knew I shoulda gone to that damn thing. Thanks for bringing all that to my attention, blog.

madonna has a new movie where she’s on a desert island alone with a hunk dude. would you want to be stuck on an island with madonna?

oh yes.

what about courtney love?

sure, why not.

what about jennifer love hewitt?

seeing that she’s starving already, i don’t think i’d want to do that.

read any good new blogs lately?

Frankenstein turned me on to the fact that Tony Soprano has a blog. it might not be the first one. it might not be the best one. but it has potential. and im a sucker for anything that ends with “posted by Tony,” especially when it’s in reference to the most compelling tv character to come along in quite a while.

what about that chick from Alias

im bummed, i saw the first two episodes last year and then tuned out.

dude, that’s a great show. what about “24”?

exactly the same thing happened with that too.

got that big tv and you don’t watch it?

you don’t get carpal from watching tv, bloggy blog.

yeah, guess snot.

ok, hang loose, old zeroes and ones

have a great day, typer of keys. by the way, costas is from new york.

details, details.

anna called and we were on the phone for hours

once she twisted her ankle we were talking a lot again.

i’d chat with you, but i want you to rest your wonderful hands.

thanks, anna.

i liked your story about rosalita. is she anyone i know?

nothing in here is true, baby.

awful lot of detail for pure fiction.

ok some of it was true. i did get stared down by two gangstas at the bowling alley, but they weren’t Black, they were latino, but i thought that was too stereotypical.

black gangsters aren’t stereotypical suddenly?

believe it or not, but there are twice as many latin gangs in LA than Black ones.

anna then told me a story about growing up in moscow and a russian gang that used to hassle her when she was little. she asked me if she had told me that story before. i said probably. it didn’t matter to me. my memory was so bad that i liked all of her stories no matter how many times she told them.

by hey, she was anna kournikova. coolest girl in school. i doubted that i would ever get over that. if she read the ingredients from a beefaroni label i wouldn’t care.

plus i loved her accent.

and who was i? i wasn’t even the coolest blogger in my neighborhood.

are you going to play in zurich, anna?


when are you going to play again?

probably not until LA in about four weeks.



so why aren’t you here with me?

im here in switzerland getting treatment for my ankle. then i will come visit you.


do you want me to visit you?

yes, please.

have you seen any celebrities lately?

walked right past the Fonz yesterday.


Henry Winkler, Arthur Fonzerelli!

oh, from “The Waterboy.”

They didn’t have “Happy Days” in russia?

In the late 70s, tony, america was our enemy. and i wasnt even born yet, thank you.

i keep forgetting that. what year were you born in again?


i dont know how im supposed to feel about that, anna. is that sexy or sick?

who cares, just love me.

oh, i also walked right by jules asner.

you see a lot of her.

she works in the building across the street from me.

is she pretty in real life?


prettier than me?

how could she be?

Is She Prettier Than Me?

didn’t FHM name you the sexiest woman alive?

i’m not going to ask you again, tony.

no, she isnt prettier than you.

correct answer.


what’s that?

shes tall.

why don’t you change the subject before i fly over there and beat your ass.

little kobe was born last night.

yay for greg and molli!

he was almost born today, john lennon’s birthday.

awwww. i loved john lennon.

even his Beatles stuff?

then we debated beatles vs stones vs zeppelin and we didn’t stop talking until the dawns early light.