sometimes all we want is a hand shake

not a hand written autograph, not a hand job, not even a hand out, but we’re denied.

my astrology today says that i will be getting a nice gift that will have a smudge on it. that i should ignore the smudge and appreciate the love.

it makes me wonder what my future will hold. will i (finally) make the laker squad and they spell my name wrong? will christina aguilera (finally) spend the night with me after just using my body, but mumble some other man’s name during a deep sleep? will i (finally) get hired to be a journalist, but find out it’s with the LA Times?

sometimes that smudge is more like the skidmark on the panties of a redhead who flings them at you and lands squarely on your nose.

but isn’t it better to have soiled panties tossed your way, than nothing tossed your way at all?

anna is a funny girl. she called me from the friendly skies last night telling me that shes gonna be in town tonight and she wants to see a movie with me. i told her i could wait to see her.

then today she gives me all the signs of a girl who is trying to squirm out of date.

so is it better to have a date canceled by anna kournikova or not have one at all?

these are the problems that surround my life.

and the fact that power has still yet to be restored to the beach house, which means that my cleaning lady wont be able to run a vacuum over the game room where me and ashley spilled smart food popcorn after an explosive scrabble game where i seven letter triple word scored her ass for a dramatic comeback.

never play high stakes scrabble with a poetry major i whispered later as i slammed the door to the dungeon.

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