while i was on vacation

my man matt suggested in my comments that i run for governor for the state of california, a state that ive been lucky enough to be a resident of for the last 19 years and 18 days.

he says that i should run because no one else is going to run democrat worth a damn.

he says i should run because no one else is going to have a platform of legalizing weed under the threat of secession.

and he says i should run because the groundswell of blogger support will most definitely secure my success.

and he says that tsar should play at all my rallies.

he left out van halen (minus sammy, plus dave.)

matt wants me to be californias first black governor but i don’t wanna do it.

california as a state is one thing, and as a political state its a whole nother animal, not really one that i want to be involved in.

and sacramento?

sacramento is just a town where the lakers are assured victory, its not somewhere that i would want to live for eight years.

talk about heat. palm springs was a walk in the park compared to a summer in sacto. if i was governor i would have to escape to my lake tahoe retreat as much as possible.

plus i want willie brown to be our first black governor.

i don’t care what anyone says.

every other state is allowed to have terrible guys run their state, at least with willie ours would be interesting.

if i was the governor i would fix the freeways. for some reason we are in freeway denial here. more and more people move to cali and they bring their wives and kids and all of their cars and we pretend that the 405 doesn’t need to be any wider or the 10 or the 101.

and everyone pretends that you can just keep building and building in la and its not gonna matter.

i would put my hands on my hips and i would say more freeway lanes, less houses.

id get shot at a bunch but i would shoot right back, fuckers.

id turn the 5 freeway from bakersfield to fresno into the american autobahn, since this is the land of the free.

so much would be solar powered you wouldn’t even believe it.

june sixth of each year would be nudie day where everyone would be encouraged to walk around nude.

yes, everyone.

im not ashamed.

october twenty second would be shake the hand of a hundred people day because even though i am pretty disgusted with the catholic church one of the things i got nervous about but liked was when you’d turn to your neighbor and say peace be with you.

there’d be free aids tests at every hospital and free condoms at the malls and yes

the state would be wireless.

since we’re not savages.

but best of all,

skateboarding would not be a crime.

bonnie and charlie are WHAT? + charlie + charlie and bonnie + bonnie

sorry i didnt write much today, i had to go to adam sandlers wedding

in malibu.

everyone gets married in malibu. its pretty there.

its sorta painted into the corner of la so you can get stuck there pretty easy if the one is jammed, but if you get stuck there youre lucky because theres no where else better to be in the world unless youre 90 minutes north or four hours south.

i told my crew that i wasnt coming in today and my boss said i had to come in that my vacation was over, and i said, no sorry i need one more day cuz of adam sandlers wedding and he said you aint going to adam sandlers wedding and i said i swear. and then he said if adam sandlers so fancy whys he getting married on a monday and not a sunday or saturday.

and i said that its cuz adam sandler is a romantic and he met his bride on this day several years ago and this year it just happened to fall on a monday.

and he said that it sounded like bullshit to him.

and i said im sorry that it sounded like bullshit to him but i had to go to malibu and i didnt want to go but it was adam sandler.

and he said if you know adam sandler tell me one thing that is going on with him that i dont know about.

and i said, he’s going to make another movie with drew barrymore very soon.

he said, he is?

i said, yes, of course he is. he is!

he said, well thats pretty good.

i said, yes it is.

and then he let me go to adam sandlers wedding.

and if i was allowed to bring a camera i woulda taken a super cute picture of karisa tearing up a bit when adam told his bride how much he loved her and how he would never let her have a sad day in her life.

and then my boss found out that adam sandlers wedding was really on sunday and he told me that he wanted to see my ass first thing tuesday morning.

so now im trying to find out where one rents a donkey in hollywood.

its richard giles’s birthday + that broken valley girl + splink + bunnie

the case of the extra baby

came to a spectacular ending this evening thanks to joint cooperation between the indio county sherrifs department and an undercover pair of superheroes who mysteriously found the infant and returned it to its billionaire parents in a tearful and emotional reunion.

this is tony pierce reporting from hollywood.

i didnt want to do it but i went back to the kinkos on highway 111 in palm desert even though they had charged me $24/hr for internet access.

since it was the only copy shop for miles, i asked the proprieter if he had happened to see any missing baby fliers get copied or distributed. he said yes and pointed to his corkboard which was littered with lost and found, wanted, missing, and services rendered fliers and etc.

and right in the middle was the good little girl who barely said a word other than elmo and do-do on a flier that said missing, reward.

in palm springs is it necessary to put a price on a child, i thought?

after i dialed the number i wondered how i could find out what the reward would have been if i actually wanted the money but i realized there would be no tactful way to ask and no tactful way to collect either.

collecting on a runaway german shepard would be so much easier.

fortunately i dont do hardly anything for the money. i do pretty much everything for the fun of it.

and it was fun being with the little kid who we called Babita

we learned that life is precious. That even if youve been around something for a year you still not be totally ready to understand it, even if your mind is free of useless details, facts, and memories.

we learned that little kids spill their food a lot.

we learned that little kids can fall off a couch really easilly and almost hit their head on the edge of a glass coffee table.

but most of all we learned that palm springs really is a “short” two-hour drive from LA, and suprisingly comfortably warm – not hot – even at the begining of summer.

heres a ten page photo dealie

twixt + susan mernit + the joint + ashley goes to the charlies angels 2 premeire