[ ring ring ] hi tony, are you still mad at me?


im glad at least that youre talking to me.

im not talking to you, its just hard to have a bloggy dialogue with just one person talking.

im sure you could figure it out. i always thought you were an amazing writer.

flattery, anna, in this case, wont get you anywhere.

well this is a first.

insulting me isnt going to get you anywhere either.

tony, please. lets be adults about this. im in love. you always told me you wanted me to be in love. even if it wasnt with you.

yes but i didnt Mean it.

i asked you to be my boyfriend a million times but you said it wouldnt work out.

i said it wouldnt work out until after you retired from tennis! i didnt say it wouldnt ever work out. and i certainly didnt expect you to go get married just because i wasnt going to be your boyfriend for a few years. now youre probably just going to retire, spread your legs for enrique and crank out a couple hundred cuban kids.

ok, number one, fuck you tony. number two im in love. number three youre disgusting and he isnt even cuban. number four im not retiring any time soon nor am i having any children any time soon.

shove your nors and your mexican has-been right where the sun doesnt shine. which will be difficult with you, anna, cuz ive seen you sunbathe and the sun shines everywhere.

i dont know why you have to be so mean about this. i dont remember you being mean to your other ex girlfriends. infact all you ever do is talk about how much you love them and how great they are and how much you all get along.

they never ran off with some limp wristed busboy with a zit on his cheek.

omg! you dont even know enrique. how can you say these things?

i could ask you the same question.

what question?

i could ask you how you could frigging MARRY someone who you dont even know.

i know him, tony. quit being jealous. and i love him. and what i do in my life is no longer any of your bees wax.

i give it four months.

dont be so cruel! why would you say that? enrique and i will last forever.

no, i give your tennis career four months, then you will retire. i give your fake marriage three months. then you will get pregnant then he will divorce you because he’s gay and knows that he didnt do that to you, and then you will come running to me to be your babys daddy, but im not going to do it.

i hate you tony.

and i hate you anna. youve broken my heart. ive given you all the freedom in the world and you just spit in my face.

listen to you “i let you…”

i Did let you. every other motherfucker would have blown a gasket with you galavanting around. dating this guy, being in that guy’s video. i was never jealous i never talked shit, in fact all i ever did was support you, especially when you were down (which has been most of your career) and especially during your latest injuries and most especially during that penthouse thing.

i knew you would use all that against me.

no one is using anything against you. i was there for you and what did you do to reward me, you got married to a one hit wonder. to some dudes son. why didnt you just marry george bush.

george bush is married, tony.

so youre saying you… forget it. its over. dont ever call me again. dont talk to me. dont email. dont write. keep the carrier pigeons, keep the cds, keep everything.

i see you have taken me off your blog thing.

and i have rubbed you from my heart.

i dont care what you say, i will continue to be your friend no matter what. even though youre being so mean to me. i love you and i always will, tony.

i hope he comes out on your honeymoon.

hello, this is our honeymoon and he has come, but not out. thank you.

only cuz hes thinking of rupaul.


flagrant the agent + treacher + gunge

ive seen enough of these naked bodies

it’s not art any more to me. it’s not punk rock. it’s not an acheivement. all it is is a symbol of organization and planning. which isnt art.

in fact im starting to think that if you have thousands of naked bodies why arent you doing something with them?

have them clean a park. have them pick up syringes on the beach. have them all vote democrat.

but have them get on their knees and bend at the back so all we see are hunched backs? i dont get it.

if the artist is saying that the human body is beautiful and dramatic and grand in large numbers, prove it. have them show their naughty bits.

have them kung fu fighting.

have them all playing chess. have them all playing twister. have them all typing on typewriters writing shakespeare.

have them all curing aids.

art isnt what it used to be back in the day when everyone was painting their asses off. now they have people showing their asses off, so i say lets see a thousand moons over miami. i mean, seriously. what is the damn use if youre not going to use it?

must i solve all the worlds problems?

you know my problem today?

my problem is that i miss karisa today.

i missed her yesterday too. we dont really have set days that we hang out or talk on the phone. but usually on sundays we’ll talk and talk and sometimes hang out.

but this week shes on the east coast on top secret assignment. away from me. and because of this the clouds are gray.

june gloom indeed.

luke ford + frost + tha weissblog

jewel thinks she can get on the busblog by dressing like a ho

but its not so.

you can get on the busblog if youre writing good songs, or singing good songs, or shredding on guitar or dressing like a skank ho, but a normal ho isnt such a sure thing as the normal ho look can be found in any window in the mall these days.

jewel. didnt you have a poetry book a year or two ago?

it makes me sad when pretty girls think that they have to slap their bitch up and dance the seven veils for us at halftime of an nba finals so more units can get rung up at the virgin megastore. at what point do you look yourself in the eyeliner and say its time to crawl back in the back into the minivan with your mom and drive back to alaska?

people think that mariah became the best selling female artist in history because sex sells. mariah became the best selling female artist because she can sing her ass off And because sex sells. its the one two punch. if you only have one or the other you dont have mariah you either have a good singer or a ho. neither are guaranteed to sell.

jewel knows better than this. eve six knows better than this. mtv and even david stern knows better than this, but they keep hoeing out america teaching the kids the wrong lessons and putting things on the tv that we dont want.

we do want sex. we do want sexy singers. but we dont want jewel. we want lil kim. we want xtina. we want traci lords. you people know who we want but you give us these second and third rate falling stars instead.

destiny’s child we want. we dont care what jerseys they wear. britney will do in a pinch.

the laker girls are always good. who cares what the lakers do.

but we dont want jewel unless shes in the pages of playboy, or legs crossed with a guitar yodelling something worthwhile.

next time deliver us bjork.

who can sing.

and who might make us actually tune into a jersey / san antonio game three.

or better yet the donnas, who are hot in many ways, who rock in more ways, and show that you dont need to show off your ass to rock a house party.

bukkake pictures + moxie tells all + makeout city

there might be a day that we sell out, but todays not it

so lets rock.

found myself talking to a writer, a real writer, a writer who could look around his house and see all the things he bought for himself because of typing, and we discussed how to keep the blog fresh, how to keep the flow flowing. how to keep it together. how to make it happen.

and i kept thinking who the hell am i to do anything other than listen. im no pro.

but i do know what its like when there is no flow. and i also know when there is. and i know what its like to have nothing to say for the people of the blogworld. and i know when you want to say everything, but youre ascared of Those Who Will Judge negatively. so that also means i know when i check myself before i wreck myself.

and my advise to him was wreck yourself.

then bring yourself back to life right before their eyes.

think of the blog as your indoor underground all night seethrough plexiglass basement basketball court.

sometimes the hotties find their way down to the gallery and you can see them up there drinking their cosmos and watching you and the fellas three on three but most the times youre just shooting free throws and practicing the baby hook.

a few times a week you should work on your slam dunks. the around the back through the leg 180 switch hands one isnt bad to begin with but the bounce run catch freethrow line takeoff jordan 88 hang timey one isnt bad either.

hang on the rim if you want but its a blog so you probably shouldnt beat your chest too hard.

i like the real world paris a lot because the girl that everyone likes is about 10 minutes away from where i grew up.

i got my braces in her hometown.

and, again, sadly, the black dude is crazy. even though he is from beverly hills. even though his mouth looks just like lionel richie’s. even though he says his dad was in the commodores. even though he plays right into my theory that very few kids of rich parents end up normal.

and i liked the hillary clinton interview today.

our president couldnt conduct himself like that and simply answer questions like her. hard questions. personal questions.

and i dont have to tell her life isnt fair.

the senator from new york grew up in park ridge illinois, the same neighborhood where tracy degrazia grew up. who i had a massive crush on when i was an ice cream man, and inspired me to write the stamp when i was twenty one, and who, if any of you know, i would be indebted to if you found.

same goes for stacy goodner, but for different reasons.

i told this pro writer to be fearless as fuck that if what you wrote in a blog lost you money or got you canned or got you in trouble or fucked up your shit then your shit wasnt so great in the first place, or maybe your writing wasnt all that.

his is solid though, so he shouldnt have any trouble.

and its one am, and people have left me nice aol messages, and special offers, but i will turn them all down, cuz i am a good boy

and the only risks one should take

are on the tightrope that we type on that stretches and bounces between snoozable and sensational.

and if you fuck up, just get up.

fussy + kevyn malone + bunnie