people ask me questions about their blogs

one particular young woman was having a problem with hecklers. one in particular who threatened her.

but before we get to that, is there anything better than corn on the cob?

shit man.

back in the olden days i worked for some big companies as a manufacturers rep.

what i had to do, basically, was to teach salesmen how to sell better.

i would help them sell everything better and in return i would ask them occassionally to sell my stuff better.

strangely, my company hardly ever asked me to have them sell the stuff better.

anyway, sometimes i would have to give demonstrations in the stores to the general public. i really liked those days because then i got to show the salesmen that i really could stand on their floors, in their stores, in their house basically and outsell their asses on any given sunday.

it helped that i had giveaway pens, and i could call myself the factory rep, but still, a box went out that door because of me and thats all sales is.

sometimes i would be giving a demonstration to one person and several people would gather and some heckler would say something smart as he walked past.

i would say, what was that sir?

only do this when people arent buying. if theyre buying pay attention to them. if theyre not argue with the heckler, this way your pitch is delivered when people arent looking.

thats just a twelve dollar cd player with a six hundred dollar price tag! he heckled.

what was that sir?

mummble mumble.

sometimes you could call them out sometimes you couldnt. hecklers generally arent used to losing the power struggle so if you get lucky they’ll repeat themselves or say something else stupid.

im sorry sir, this philips cd-i player not only plays mpeg video, kodak photo cds, over 125 interactive titles, but the audio is crystal clear with two hundred and fifty six times oversampling, created as you probably know from the inventors of compact disc technology, and the audio tape, philips electronics.

and since i see that the pioneer cd player next to you with eight times oversampling is being sold for $199 and all it does is play cds, then how much, if you were running philips, would you sell this revolutionary device for?

i would sell it for…

a thousand dollars? well thats what marantz cd players go for. some even more than that. marantz being philips high end boutique line. in fact the marantz model that has 256 times oversampling is listed at nearly three times the price of the philips cd-i. many people buy this just to have a hearty high end compact disc player that they can show their photographs on.

why would i want to see my pictures on tv?

well i dont know about you, but i have a huge


and sometimes im lucky enough to take a picture of a pretty girl.

i would rather look at the ladies on my tv with a beverage in my hand and my feet up–

why must you lie to the people?

i know, it sounds too good to be true–

philips didnt invent the cd player.

it’s funny, one of the most common misconceptions–


is that sony invented compact disc technology.

always stay cool people. its your house. not theres.

but if you look at the patent, for ever dollar of royalties sony gets a quarter and philps gets seventy five cents.

and in this whole store, as great as it is, you wont find one sony cd player that plays photo cds, compact disc interactive cds, movies, and audio with two hundred and fifty six times oversampling.

but they make nice walkmans.

after you make the pitch you have to ask for the sale.

ask the heckler how many he’d like. tell him to try it and if he doesnt like it he can return it. tell him if he buys it now you’ll throw in comptons interactive encyclopedia absolutely free. it’s a three hundred dollar value.

i dont need an encyclopedia.

what is it that you need?

not that.

you sure have a lot of questions about it. i think you love it.


i know i love. and im not ashamed. i even bought one for my mom. and i got a roll of film put on cd and i mailed it to her along with the cd player.

because i love my mother.

it helps if youre partly insane. it also helps if youre on salary and drive a company car and have nothing to lose if nobody buys a damn cd player.

one of the best ways to close a sale is to be quiet.

and abc you should always be closing.

so if no one says anything and everyone stays seated wait just a few more seconds than you want and if you still have the floor you really have the sale so what you do is say, mario, how many of 910s do you have in stock.

same as they did for months before you showed up. three. two, really. one has the box ripped open and is missing a remote.


ive got three pga golf games, a treasures of the smithsonian cd, and a coupon for a free kodak cd, but i might have three. i’ll give those to the next three players that get sold.

at this point people will take action. they will either turn to their spouses and decide, or they will ask questions. if they ask questions say, if anyone wants one right now, mario will wrap one up for you, but i will be happy to answer your question. whats that?

and point at mario.

and keep the answers short.

the heckler will walk away and you will sell out. and then you will go home. and then any time you go back into that circuit city they will say there he is.

when hecklers show up on your blogs however, ignore them completely, delete their comments, ban them from posting, never reference them, and write down their ip address.


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