one of my dreams is to find the most boring town in the usa and spend a week there in a motel and blog to you.

i bet i could figure out something fun to do there.

cubbies are killing me. slowly. like having everything that you want just out of reach and theres nothing you can do but watch. and all you can see is it not happening.

sux.

i wish i had cancer so i could get in that make a wish foundation cuz my wish would be to be the gm of the chicago cubs and get them a damn closer.

do i have to get nut cancer? does a man have to give his right nut to get the cubs a closer?

i’ll do it. is that all it takes?

tom green only has one nut and he gets to be on tv every night so how important are nuts after all?

here it is the last days of august, and the cubs are only a game and a half out, and im slowly becoming respected at work, and the ladies are paying attention to me, and the nbc is using a clash song on one of their promos, and youd think id be so satisfied right now

but the total reverse is true.

as much as i love hollywood and the summertime, i dont want to be here watching the people vs larry flynt with my shirt off and the window open. i feel like that kid in clerks who kept saying, i shouldnt even BE here right now. but the positive thinkers club warns against such direct conflict to What Is.

all i know is sweet bachelor pad in hollywood keeps looking at me and saying, whats your rush dummyhead?

and the directv man just called and said, nfl football starts next week

and i feel slightly uncomfortable bob dylan is doing the music to a victoria secrets ad.

alecia + kimbalina + popie

thanks, milwaukee.

and it’s also harley owner jason shellen’s 30th!

back when states had rights you only had to be 18 to drink in wisconsin, so all the kids of illinois would drive the hour and a half to wisconsin and sit on barstools and shoot pool and drive back to the land of lincoln drunk.

so when you mention milwaukee or any part of southern wisconsin to a kid from hangover park youre bound to get a smile off em.

i took my prom date claudia to lake geneva and we drank strohs and drove home drunk.

still milwaukee pales in the long shadow of its hulking neighbor to the south, chicago, and yet never complains.

home of laverne & shirley, miller beer, and harley-davidson, as all american as the green bay packers.

if i wasnt such a wuss, id ride a harley.

theres nothing cooler.

unless your name is evel and you jump them over motorhomes.

the best place to see harleys in los angeles, especially on a sunny day on the weekend is neptunes net in malibu.

tell em jeanine sent you.

did you know that my exgirlfriend chris is liscensed to drive a motorcycle?

mmmm my true love.

the other day she said are you sure youre not sad that i have a boyfriend and i said no.

you’ll come crawling to me one day.

we might be two hundred and twenty one years old but you’ll be back.

and i’ll take that saggy old ladies ass back

hemoriods, diaper rash, warts and all.

oh yes.

she explained to me that i was gross.

which i am.

and i warned her that she better keep her rascal charged up cuz if she didnt id knock her over in her rocker.

amy tells a naughty story + ms. iverson has a new layout + i still cant believe annika linked my ass