was woken at noonthirty by ms karisa j who wanted to know if i was interested in working at her company. i said would it mean that i get to see you every day and she said yes so i said yes but i have learned to ask for incredibly difficult terms.

one, karisa must pick me up and drive me home each day, two i must never be asked to wear a suit and if i must for each day that i am asked to wear a suit i need to have a day off the very next day to recover, the same way some baseball players wont play a day game right after a night game, far too taxing on the knees.

and i must be allowed to change my name to his excellency.

and i would like a very heavy stapler.

people ask why i endured what i had to go through in my last job and now that i have a little distance from it i see that one of the reasons was i had a very good solid deceptively heavy stapler. it gave me hope. it gave me security. it allowed me to staple like a man and it didnt ask questions afterwards. it was ugly and mean and would never be misunderstood as a sissy. john woo wanted to order an electric stapler cuz it would have been funny to have one, but i wouldnta ever used it.

all those years my mans man of staplers never jammed. and i did some stapling.

believe it or not, true story, but once someone even judged my stapling. i was all what!

i know. crazy.

people watch tv all day long and little do they know that behind the scenes people are criticising the way a man staples. i believe the issue at hand was vertical as opposed to my trademarked diagonal, which im certain became the industry standard years ago.

speaking of the dark ages, ive turned my apartment upside down so i can find a stamp. another reason i loved e! was there is a secret tiny us post office in the lobby of the building across the courtyard. rarely a line, always friendly service, and one of the big reasons why my last blook was so successful. if i ever needed to ship a book out pronto i just swiveled to a drawer of books, signed it, printed out the pay pal USPS prepaid priorty mail label and walked across the courtyard to the post office.

and if i ever needed a stamp, there they were.

the hollywood bungalow that i write you from this friday afternoon is near no post offices. and now i realize i need two stamps.

yes, this will be the toughest challenge that i meet today

since the internal debate between sandals and sneakers has been decided since i cant find my pumas.

did i tell you that a beautiful girl from virgina is comeing to my house very soon?

yep.

did i tell you i bought the juliette lewis and the licks cd yesterday after star wars.

yep.

did i tell you that someone from blogebrity contacted me adn they are actually a real thing?

yep.

im not sure i want to work at the beach. in the summer. even with karisa. how crazy is that.

these virgins are sucking the sense right out of my head arent they.

raymi + zulieka still lookin hot + super jux + the grey havens

directed by George Lucas
starring Natalie Portman, Yoda, and Samuel L. Jackson

the editors in my head say dont write dont write. they say everything youre going to write is gonna suck here let me give you a few lines of how bad its gonna be.

they say things like take a day off, take a three day weekend. take a week off.

which would be fine, but this isnt ten thousand dollar pyramid and yet those are clearly from the category “things you say about work.”

blogging shouldnt be work. blogging isnt work. blogging is the hobby of writing down the things about your life.

we all have several hobbies, walking, eating junk food, drinking rum, riding public transit, cell phoning virgins, being spontaneous, forgetting plans, eating fast food, drinking pop

collecting sports cards, watching tv, listening to howard stern,

reading email, analyzing porn, writing poems, cluttering ones home, counting the gray hairs on ones chest, giving magazines to the hot, showering three times a day, sleeping till noon, eating one meal a day, calculating how long this vacation can last, meeting new neighbors

losing at fantasy sports, realizing that anything other than event tickets purchased off ebay is useless, collecting broken home electronics and computerware, answering questions from random babes on aim

and yes blogging

would you ever say, yeah im not going to chat with new hot girls on the web for three days. of course not. if blogging is work for you youre not doing it for the right reason. write something that will make you reread it later.

theres a virgin whose coming over here tonight. at the tone the time will be six twenty two am, my body clock is all fuct. i saw the new star wars tonight and loved it. the virgin is going to come over here and we’re going to play a little game of green light red light which virgins usually win but ive had a week to work on new strategies.

but now after seeing star wars, when i kiss her im going to try to will her clothes off by using the force

while attempting to convince her that she needs to take up a nude hobby i mean new hobby.

finger licking is a underrated hobby

so is living room carpet runway walking

as is the moaning edition of the hot cold game

or the old favorite lets pretend youre not a virgin

its six thirty on may twentieth which means the sun is not only above the horizon, its had its second cup of coffee.

do i criticize star wars for having bad dialogue, bad acting, sterile interiors, and ridiculous errors?

no more so than i would any big budget special effects movie.

there used to be this race car game you could play with three of your friends. one screen. everyone gets a steering wheels, a pedal, and one shifter that was high or lo. i think it was called grand prix? i forget.

after you raced a race and won some money or picked up a symbol you could improve either your speed, your traction, your pickup, or your durability or something.

there was always some idiot who was never happy with an even car, he always wanted Max Speed

if hollywood had its way there wouldnt even be a catagory called writing, especially in sci fi special effects movies otherwise you wouldnt have lines like this in films that cost over $100 mil to make

Anakin: “You’re so beautiful.”
Natalie Portman: “It’s only because I’m so in love.”
Anakin: “No, it’s because I’m so in love with you.”

it’s ironic that i rushed off to see this film as soon as i could because i didnt want anyone to give anything away

its ironic because this is part three of a six part trilogy – of course we know whats going to happen in it!

but as newsweek said somehow george lucas, who everyone had given up on, figured out that this was a jigsaw puzzle that everyone knew how it would turn out, and the fun was watching it come together.

it was great fun.

people will have their way with this movie because its filled with countless flaws, but that only reminds me of how Mad magazine made fun of the original so many years ago.

they had luke asking chewbacca, isnt it great that we’re surrounded by marksmen and storm troopers and

none

of them can hit us even at nearly point blank range?

good movies lift you up away from mundane realities and question marks, and so when we’ve watched all these films of yoda for example walking oh so slowly with a cane one minute and flying around like a crouching tiger beating someones ass the next we just play along. as we should.

one day hollywood will spend even a fiftieth of its budget on good writing for a sci fi action adventure instant classic film, but its my bet that it wont happen in my lifetime.

but why be cynical, it could be happening now, sadly its in a galaxy far far away.

the overflow + dc + alecia