greens taters rum n pie

Chris Carnaghi: Why I am continoulsly attracted to emotionally unavailable women? Seems to be a pattern. Also the last 3 grew up with no father figure, meaning they are attracted to men who are also emotionally unavailable. So maybe I like to be a father figure superman savior? Maybe I should only bang bipolar chicks and forget about cultivating a healthy relationship in Los Angeles. Dr. Tony I mean Reverend Tony. Chris needs help. Always living and loving. Maybe I already answered my own question. You seem to have had some pretty solid freindships, gal pals, and sig o’s over the years. Unless you want to lend out Clipper girl I am doomed.

emotionally unavailable women are safe. they usually dress pretty cool too. theyre square pegs. dont try to jam em in your round holes. let them be square. let them be emotionally unavailable. emotions and romance are usually a dangerous combo anyways. leave emotions for sports. and creating art. maybe ive had good long friendships because for the most part everyone allows each other to be weirdos.

Ali M.: Did you know that this exists? I thought it was just a very uninspired dream I had one night.

once again ali youre educating us all in the delicious ways of the extreme. not only do i want a bag of those things, i want to make bean bag chairs out of them.

g/d: please finish sentence: consuming a high concentration of both poutine & Molson Ex makes for a very sorry _______?


zona: name one place I HAVE to go in NYC

theres this italian restaurant right by the brooklyn bridge in manhattan.

totally an old school italian family place like how youd expect.

ah yes, Carmine’s.

i also like washington square park because my mom used to take me there when i was a little baby and now its where people buy weed from jamacians. i find that hilarious.

Andrea: If you were forced to pick a different first name for yourself, what would it be?


meredith r. mistletoe: should I have just one cute lil baby when I grow up or should I have several cute lil babies? this is very important because if I only have the one then it’ll be a big deal what I name it since I won’t get another chance to pick an awesome name.

im not so much in favor of knocking out any more babies. i think all the babies that are here are nice and fine. i like them all. i would like us to start taking care of the babies who dont have mr and mrs mistletoes. i think we should adopt them. and love them, and then name them after members of ac/dc.

First time, long time: What approach would you take to tell the girl who you like, and has been on your mind quite a bit lately, how you feel about her, knowing that, unfortunately, chances are good that she won’t feel the same way back? I’m optimistic, but also realistic. Though I feel like getting it off my chest will be for the best. Oh, and AL/NL MVP picks?

the art of the creepy mixtape is going the way of the dingo. im a big fan of the sweet ass mix cd because if you do get lucky and she isnt repulsed by you then at least you’ll have some sweet jams to bust if she invites you over to her lair. the problem is, the cd usually doesnt do all the magic, you usually have to follow it up with a hand on a knee, some eye contact and a cowboy shirt being ripped off.

raymi: hey guy what’s up?

hey raymi! today is american thanksgiving. so im at my true loves house getting in her way as she makes dinner for me and some of the homeless on her block. shes got some turkey breast, greens, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, crab cakes and god knows what else. i brought over the beer, the pie, and this crazy bouquet of flowers. its super hot here in LA so i have my pants off but the homeless dont care.

monkey: what do you do when someone you care about tells you (seriously) they think they are an alien?

i like people who are open minded enough to think that they (seriously) might be aliens. plus when you think of the wild stuff that we just pass because its too bizarre to deal with fighting, wouldnt it be nice if someone tappped you on the shoulder and said monkey youre not really from this place, youre from a planet where things are far more reasonable, where there arent more jails than schools, where people dont use their planet as a toilet, and where theres not even a chance for the designated hitter rule to work its way into the Major leagues. minors maybe. a planet where you can get decent tickets to a rock show for less than half your rent. i think yr friend is nice. slap em on the ass for me and tell them thats from an orphan from Planet Zip.

adriel: i’m kind of thinking the same as the first question, just switch the sexes. also…do you snowboard??

when i was a lad i skied. a lot. in illinois even. sometimes we’d go to wisconsin or michigan. some of the places were man made. some were female made. some were cliffs, not mountains. when i moved to california, strangely i stopped skiiing even though its super close and way better. and snowboarding just seemed better in the video game.

Joe: How do I go about getting a full-time manservant? I am thinking about someone who holds my umbrella, opens doors, chauffers me around, mixes mojitos, and maybe maintains my bat cave. Ideas?

home depot has everything. just dont forget to tip well.

kristen: why do boys cheat?

boys cheat cuz theyre boys and theyre wild. they probably should be more wild than they are but fatty foods tv and video games have mellowed them out. men dont cheat. men are tempted but know where their bread is buttered. its that inbetween man and boy time when it seems like women have their most difficult time. theres nothing that a woman can do if a boy who looks like a man acts like a boy. only thing you can do is not take it personally. men of today are the result of a darwinian relay race where one aggressive dude passes the torch to another. sometimes the side effects are not the prettiest or most gentlemanly but when they are off-putting its because of our animal nature, which we can try to ignore but its right there. we are animals.

if i ever got married

id have kanpai cater it.

drove across town, right next to LAX on the day before turkey day

which took longer than it should, because of the promise to eat this delicacy with a beautiful girl.

lucky us the place was empty at 3pm. they used to be closed at that time but i guess they figured what the hell. the good news for us, most people thought theyd be closed.

the food, im telling you, melts in your mouth.

everything is created in such a way that it wants to jump in your belly.

and the beer was in a frosty mug, and the saki was in a steaming little cup of buzz.

the truest loved it, obvs, then bailed to prepare for demain.

so i went shopping at the new fox hills mall.

then i went shopping at borders books. then i got a call from karisa, she wanted to drink and maybe get a bite.

she called over another friend and all three of us had really good mexican.

then karisa said hey lets get some bottles of wine and bring em back to the crib

so i went to the market, took a picture of this breaking news

and i saw that at this “package store”, as miss western mass said, that they had Cain V

but sorry i dont lay out $150 for a bottle of wine,

so i asked the dude, not expecting a good answer,

hey do you have Cain Cuvee by any chance?

and bros eyes got big and he brought out a feather duster

and right under the Cain V was three bottles of Cain Cuvee

and he dusted them off and handed me a bottle

which i accepted, and tomorrow im driving back there to get the other two