today is danielle and flagrant’s birthday,

two of my favorite bloggers.

i wish their birthdays were on separate days so i could give shouts out to them in a way that best suits them, in their own spotlight, since they are both talented young women who deserve and demand their own spotlight,

but they effed up and decided to make it to planet earth on this day 25 years ago. so hi.

ive never met flagrant disregard and in a way im sorta happy about that. i like mystery. and i like people to know that i like them just for who they are, or in her case, who she appears to be. its sad she hasnt blogged all year this year because she used to be a wonderful and committed blogger, but she has an unusual life and when you have a life it sometimes gets in the way of your blog.

either way i love her and i wish her the best and i want her to know that i think about her and i hope that she has a great day today.

i have met danielle k berkely and for a short period of time we hung out every working day. twice a day. she is the essence of hotness. she is the funniest girl you will meet. she is everything shes cracked up to be and her armpits smell like rainbows.

people ask, why havent you two ever reproduced and i tell them its because i like mystery, and i like some people to know that i love them just for themselves. danielle has a style like no other. if she was part lesbian i would marry her but she doesnt like girls. she and karisa share that fault and its a good thing because if either of them did i would have to rearrange my life so i could marry them both. which would be a bummer since i like not being a millionaire.

because i like mystery.

danielle is the furthest thing from mystery. i knew everything about her the first time we ever spoke – it was a long conversation. she was honest and funny and trusted me and everything that i gave her she gave right back.

the fact that she hasnt found true love, or even a decent boyfriend, in the last few years is a testament to the fact that life is so not fair, and that men in san diego have no taste and no courage and dont deserve her rainbow flavored pits.

she farted once and a butterfly came out.

if you met danielle and didnt know her youd think that she was some fancy music producers girlfriend or some scumbag yuppy’s girlfriend or the hottest lipstick lesbian ever. youd never think that she was single. youd never think that she doesnt have cable tv unless its tennis season. youd never think that shes addicted to buying old school bicycles on ebay.

and youd never guess that she has one of the depressingly beautiful blogs on the blogosphere.

but in a way it shows you that it doesnt matter how gorgeous you are, how smart you are, how funny you are, how fun you are, it does not guarantee that you will find a mate whose perfect for you. and maybe thats the reason that the Lord has hardened the hearts of the good men of san diego instead of hardening their loins. to show us that we all have a bear to cross. for everything there is a season, and this is the season of the new vibrator.

there have been sagittariuses in my life at every point of my life. and although i do my best to avoid them theyre always there. i shy away from them because there is usually something very odd about them. a small part of them is intensely weird. sometimes more than a small part. but most of the time theres something intensely amazing about them thats irresistable.

that goes for my sister, jeff the singer of tsar, and our two birthday girls flagrant and danielle. when you have your beers tonight, raise a glass to our girl in san diego and our mystery woman in the valley. they deserve it.

the mcrib is back

after my last physical, my doc said my saturated fats were a tad higher than they should be.

i asked, so instead of going through drive thru three times a week, i should only go once a week?

he said, exactly.

so today after work im going to go to mcdonalds, get a mcrib extra value meal, no onions, no pickles, and im gonna down that sucker like its a hundred dollar steak.

because to me, there really isnt a much better treat that one can get in a drive thru than a mcrib, fries, and a coke.

yesterday i tried to be good. i was at a cuban place and i ordered scallops. what could go wrong?

it appears that they put a whole stick of butter in their pan when they make the scallops, which is fine by me, but across town my nutritionist was scowling.

i had woken up hungover and the nfl pregame show wasnt helping cuz everyone yells on that show. so i took two alleves and drank some water.

about 15 minutes later i was nautious and 15 mins after that i was hurling. strangely all that came out was the water, but my neighbors probably thought i was having a baby in there.

it wasnt until 230 that i actually got anything more than a banana in my belly and it was those scallops and rice and plantains and black beans. and a coke. a regular coke, from the fountain. all carbonated and beautiful.

30 minutes after that lunch/breakfast i was on top of the world.

then at night i ran for an hour. 5.2 miles around hollywood at midnight.

theres nothing like it.