dont tell too many lies about us

sass sang when i dropped her off at the standard last night

it had been a totally bizarre and complete day and night.

woke up early drove to the mechanic who for some reason kept skipping over me as we talked. id be all yeah i think its my brakes, and someone else would pull in and hed excuse himself and help the person and assign a mechanic and then come back to me.

this repeated for a half hour.

when you live in hollywood you either assume its a tv show or you assume its hollywood thus totally insane.

and the weirdest thing is when i arrived he pulled up my history and clearly i had laid out some serious cash at this establishment and i was being ignored for a guy wanting an oil change.

finally signed the papers and hailed a cab. two guys in the cab. cabbie says in a perfect armenian accent, scuse us he is training. huge guy in a dirty tshirt waves.

they speed up for all the right instances but slow down as we pass an armenian church. they take in its beauty and say to me armenian church. we discuss churches as i catch up on my work emails.

an incredibly bold and daring illegal left turn is attempted but at the last minute aborted in favor of driving through the parking lot of a pizza joint. perfectly a super old man sloooooowly backs up his old man car out of his parking spot. we’re trapped as he completes an 8-point turn.

they drop me off at the dentist and the lady cleans my teeth. 80s music was on. do you think they will play 00s music in the dentist office in 30 years? what even is 00s music? britney and eminem?

took another cab back to the mechanic. pay way too much. drive to work. first stop off at jack in the crack. get to work. so not boring. teach very nice people how to use typepad. finally get to my regular work. solve all the worlds problems. have a good meeting with my boss. sxsw plans are finalized.

meanwhile karisa seems to think that we are going to dine tonight. but wait i thought you had to run 17 miles tonight. the reason karisa isnt going to sxsw, btw, shes running the la marathon. barefoot like zola budd. she was all i am running tonite but just 16 miles, but only if i can get out of work at a decent hour.

karisa hasnt been the most reliable dinner attendee so i took it with a grain of doubt cuz seriously who can totally redesign a website run half a marathon and be ready for dinner at a reasonable hour?

so when sass txted me to see what i was doing for dinner i was all look at that.

picked her and her american apparel cohort up in the lobby of the swanky hotel. they were both wearing, well, whatever it was there was a lot of leg showing and my plan of going to south central and grabbing some soul food was being voted. take us somewhere cool.

only catch was model girl couldnt eat glutton. hmmmm. she asked for a place with fried rice. sass wanted sushi. best sushi in lil tokyo is hama. but theyre good cuz they dont have a lot of crap on the menu. we were certain they woudlnt have fried rice. and they didnt so we went next door to T.O.T. and were very pleased.

poor girls hadnt eaten all day. sass said that they were gonna spend the night at the hotel and didnt feel like partying. asked if i had any good books to read. so i gave her a copy of stiff that i had just found, cruddy by lynda barry, and scar tissue by anthony keidis. on the way back to downtown, who says she will be ready at 10:30?

so wait does this mean two dinners? i think it does. fortunately i could probably eat five if you put a gun to my head. at 10:31 there she was, hair blowing in the wind, and a greeting thatd be music to anyones ears: imma drink lots of sake.

a close second would be “im wearing a bacon bra

sushi was served. sake was poured. then some badass sake was served and i realized we hadnt dranken any water had any beer or any soda. sake. food. sake. food. needless to say an excellent conversation was had including photographic evidence from both parties.

and even though i had a delicious scoop of green tea ice cream with one of those chocolate cookie straws, these words appeared in front of me as i drove home

perfect nights should end creme filled

so i stopped past randys donuts, saw a cop car looking at a fat lady in a halter, figured she couldnt possibly be a hooker, and drove off.

randys is a drive thru donut store so as i was driving through i noticed that whoops, she probably was, uh, loitering.

or it could be a tv show.

or just LA not sucking.

got my brakes did

why am i paying thousands on a car only worth thousands?

especially when i should just be trading it in for a lease on a hot sweet badass new car?

cuz you are reading the blog of the dumbest man alive who constantly gets robbed with every purchase he makes.

thats why.

also, im stupid.

ill never understand anything

i wonder if thats the point.

maybe you get to die when you have given up trying to discover the Answer.

i get upset over the weirdest things. i get people upset over the weirdest things.

i cry over the silliest things, and then i dont cry over the most horrible experiences.

like right now im seriously pissed off at Lost, but not at all concerned about the Cubs.

like right now i have no serious dates planned in the next month, but i couldnt be more content about my bachelor status.

like right now i have a dress shirt on and pajama bottoms and i couldnt be more comfortable.

likewise my tvs off, my radios off, my electric heater is rumbling, and my head is perfect, yet a cold beer, heavy metal, and Pardon the Interruption should be all bombarding my senses in just a few minutes.

i have an uncontrollable urge, america.

meanwhile tomdog our pal from way back in Isla Vista went to canada and all we got was this awesome video of DEVO

then he was in town for the Independent Spirit Awards and the Oscars and all we got were many tales and great photos.

yes @tomdog was here in Hollywood and we didnt hang, we didnt chill, he wasnt at andys bbq, and he wasnt on my doorstep waiting to have brunch up in the Feliz.

if you ever wanna party with me theres two ways to do it:

come to SXSW and stay a week.

and come over to my pad and knock on the door and have some maple syrup and an expense acct.

im not in the best mood this morning

next door there were several trucks making noises at 730am. is that even legal?

now at 8:58am, of course theyre quiet.

i also dont like it when its cold in los angeles in the morning. its 52 degrees. not why we pay the rent here that we do. for this temperatures we could be living in indiana for a fraction.

but then i went to laughing squid – SINCE I WAS AWAKE – and lo, this quasi arcade fire band has released this whimsical video and it made me wanna take on the day.

also cant believe corey haim is dead.

make out with your crushes. never know what tomorrow may bring.

worked from home today

which was great cuz today i was asked if i could do dinner at 6pm

as the inventor of everythingll tell you
it can take a while to get from say hollywood to the ocean at rush hour

so i combed my hair right and left the crib early cuz it can take longer than an hour to get across town.

somewhere around culver city i was all, damn that is so beautiful

met two lovely ladies at kanpai japanese restaurant, said peter do us right

and he omakazied the heck outta us. and then after we paid up he was all

try this, on me, for each of you.

a little sake called Demon Chaser.

ironic since it makes you devilish.

milwaukee has still yet to deliver a proper man

making poor lindsay blame herself. WI!?

you know lindsay from minnesota. who once dated that billionaire only to run off to wisconsin to find some corn fed prince charming in gods country? seems like no matter who we are, what age we be, or where our crib at, we all share the same patterns:

I either spend months with someone I dislike, pretending that I can ignore everything about them that makes me cringe, only because they seem so deeply infatuated with me…

And then, when I actually like someone I convince myself that they could not possibly like me. It’s as if I’ve come to expect that relationships can only be one sided.

my prognosis: this sounds like a woman who needs to come to austin starting next weekend and hug drink it out.

that probably goes for the rest of you too.

tacos arizas is why i believe in america

or at least los angeles.

only here can you make food out of a truck, park it next to a walgreens,

and please so many people all night, who dont deserve your tender wares.

they have a few milk crates on the sidewalk if you cant wait to eat yr tacos

they have a small card table aside the trailer if you want to add some salsa

and across the street a man in a tiny truck blares spanish music and repairs shoes.

he has a sign that says shoe repairs.

i wait for my tacos al pastor, look down at my shoes, and wished they needed repairing.

a buck fifty for two tacos, four bucks for a pollo burrito, a buck tip and

oh why not another fiddy cent for being so awesome

and then speed away into the darkness of echo park

you all know mr todd martens

but do you know why hes smiling?

cuz he beat the f outta cancer.

see that scar? todd was at the doctor and the doctor said:

all those years of basking in the right field bleachers of wrigley has gotten you skin cancer

todd said left field doc, left field. (right field sucks.)

then todd sucker punched his primary care physician, rifled through the cabinets until he found a scalpel. and

cut

that

evil

out of his 48 inch python.

totally not his pitching arm but that doesnt even matter either.

what matters is he took the cancer and showed it to his totally freaked out and cowering doctor sprawled on the floor and said is this it? IS THIS THE CANCER DOC?!!!!?!?!11?

he was all yes i guess yes!

and todd flicked it out the window

opened the door

paid the nurse his $25 co-pay

and sewed up his arm with a guitar string left handed

while reviewing the new frightened rabbits epic with his right.

because sometimes, friends, it aint no thing.

this sushi wasnt good

the service was fast, the price was ok. but everything we ate felt like it was left overs from thursday

and it was sunday.

heres why Foursquare is powerful – as bad as it was, the restaurant in question has no mayor.

which means if i simply go back for a drink then im its mayor.

but who wants to be mayor of somewhere pukey and terrible and dry and flavorless?

ive only been playing foursquare for a little over a month and im already mayor of 7 places, and i highly recommend them all:

+ El Gran Burrito (Los Angeles, CA)

+ Kanpai sushi (Los Angeles, CA)

+ KFC vine near sunset

+ Liliya China Bistro (Los Angeles, CA)

+ Mann Glendale Exchange 10 (Glendale, CA)

+ Origami Cafe (Los Angeles, CA)

+ Spitz – Little Tokyo (Los Angeles, CA)

saw Alice in Wonderland yesterday before the Oscars, and i liked it!