Monthly Archives: January 2016

tonight is the hardest night of the year

Posted on by
Reply

mercedes cup holders

i like where i work. im surrounded by very nice, smart people. we get to get dolled up a few times a year and celebrate excellence, creativity, and fun.

but once a year we have these nominations at 5 o’clock in the morning.

which means i should go to sleep right about now.

but im a grown ass man, unless im reading a book or on a plane, aint no way im falling asleep at 8:31pm

i lucked out, i dont have to be in there till 4am.

not everyone has it like this. in fact the guy i sit next to gets in there in a few hours.

the good news is it’s electric to be in the building when all those names are being called out.

and also, the breakfast thats provided, is delicious.

i have a lot of books. dont read any of them.

Posted on by
1

YaLlgMhthey look good on my shelves.

the ladies think im smart.

the crooks never know which ones have cash in them.

im sure many of them are good, especially the ones written by my friends.

but come on, people.

hows a man in 2016 supposed to work two jobs, binge watch television, blog, keep up with current events

go to concerts

date east side super models

participate in several fantasy sports leagues, and create something cool for the LAist, which by the way will start poppin sooner than later so hang in there.

hows a brother supposed to do all of those things AND read all the books in his many mansions?

heres what i suspect my life will be like after i win the powerball. i suspect i’ll be doing more traveling and less driving. and on those trips i will read more books.

especially in those planes where they let you lay down in yr cocoon.

and poolside

and oceanside

and beachside.

i had to wake up at 6am this morning to work. today will be interesting.

my best friend will never be lou reed

Posted on by
1

tumblr_nisa0o0hwL1qbh3i4o6_1280

and i’ll never produce “Walk on the Wild Side” for him

1426418_10153828883873057_2561734440098387913_n

i’ll never be the coolest dude in a photo when the other two are from the Stones and the Who

The Outtakes of David Bowie's Iconic _Heroes_ Album Cover Shoot (6)

i’ll never always have the perfect expression on my face

CYbGV87WMAAFSPg

my second wife will not be a super hot somalian super model who stays out of the news

CYbAMNiUsAAYFvG

i’ll never wear clothes that makes my eye patch seem like the obvious perfect accessory

f5b86e81-2d27-41f5-8a48-373aea8d734c

i’ll never write “Fame” with John Lennon

bowie-mercury

i’ll never write “Under Pressure” with Freddie Mercury

bowie-mug-shot

i’ll never look menacingly ice cold in my mug shot with one blue eye and one brown eye

12548904_10153827382253057_155008197424324022_n

when i take my baby out on a stroll i’ll never look ridiculously amazing

BvOTzX5CcAAcKUf

but i do hope to shake hands with iggy pop in red square one day

david bowie gif

so thank you david bowie for the inspiration!

mcdonalds has mozzarella sticks

Posted on by
1

IMG_6668

ramie is a beautiful woman who loves mcdonalds nearly as much as i do. tonight i was all i hear they have a new thing going on over there. she said what, i said i dont know thats why i wanna go and find out.

IMG_6670i thought i heard they had this thing where you could get two small things for $2 and it turned out to be true.

you could get small fries, a chicken sandwich, a mcdouble, or three mozzarella sticks.

mozzarella sticks?!?!

indeed. so i was all fuckit i want like those, some fries, a mcchicken and some mcnuggets

the sticks were fine, but petite. sorta not worth it even for a buck. maybe if you have a kid.

and the weird thing is they dont have any options to get any larger size. like id pay $5 to get 20 of them. brotha needs 20. they also have to figure out how to make them stringier. the marinara sauce was fine, but any time im sitting down at a mcdonalds – which is rare – and i ordered something dippable, i’ll ask for hot mustard.

hot mustard is something no other mcdonalds has. they should exploit that.

they should introduce a new character

something sexy, and yellow, and spicy and delicious that adds a punch whatever it’s spread on.

angry drunk marge simpson?

i was totally ok with not going to Coachella this year

Posted on by
Reply

guns on sunsetuntil i saw this this morning driving down Sunset

in fact i turned around to take a picture for you.

why wasnt i going to Coachella? omg let me count the ways

  • im a million years old,
  • it cost a million dollars,
  • the kids who actually do go should be allowed to listen to their music unadulterated
  • beers cost a million dollars,
  • id rather see these bands play in clubs and arenas
  • Lord knows if Guns don’t kill each other they’ll play at the Hollywood Bowl at some point (which will also cost a million dollars, but i can take the subway there)
  • f lcd soundsystem who retired for like 1 second
  • f calvin harris
  • f the way they make you walk a million miles to get an uber

but look at that billboard.

it makes me wonder, will they come out on fire?

will Buckethead join them onstage?

will Tommy Stinson get to jam with Duff

will Elton John show up for Don’t Cry?

will Axl bring his crutches and american flag shorts?

will they let poor Steven Adler play?

and what about Izzy? The heart of those first few records. Will Izzy show up and make it a real reunion? i sorta want those answers and see it live, not through some webcast on my iPad mini as i uber the kids through Palm Desert.

i would like to be welcomed to the jungle

but still, im not so sure.

 

songs i love: tom petty covering the grateful dead “friend of the devil”

Posted on by
Reply

Tom Petty

sometimes im glad i dont have kids because you gotta tell them everything and they dont always believe you, which is good, or understand, which can be frustrating.

one thing im pretty sure id have a problem explaining is the great Dead tune “friend of the devil”.

as you know im basically a born again Christian, but i do love naughty things and i am fascinated by the concept of the devil as an actual living thing.

which isnt why i love this song.

i love it because it’s beautiful and sweet and the sort of thing id want to hear as im waking up slowly on a sunday on a summer day.

i was so lucky to have been around so many hippies at college and sweet people who turned me on to the Dead and what they were about. and unlike how i imagine raising kids would be like, they showed me the aesthetics of that scene by their actions, not their words.

which is why i love this song.

dude has at least two wives, maybe three in this song (one who has a lil baby, but it doesnt look like him).

it’s a jam song in the best way. lots of room to breathe. lots of places for the organ and the guitar and the high hat to do its thing

and then theres the harmonies.

some say they love Dylan songs but only when other people cover them. im not one of those people. i like the rind and the crust AND the gooey center of brie cheese.

but i do love a good Dead cover and Petty and the Heartbreakers, i think, are at their best when then dig down into their Dylan & the Dead roots.

so what would i tell my kids? id say forget about the words, who knows what its about, who cares, just feel it man FEEL IT

and if you cant, go clean yr room

sometimes you forget how fun it is to drive

Posted on by
3

rae sremmurd

never forget.

sometimes after a super profitable night, like new years, it’s hard to get back in the saddle and drive for normal rates.

but then you get some sorority girls or a fascinating man

or best of all the assistant to two of the hottest rappers to ever come out of Mississippi and you realize, oh yeah, this is why ive been doing it for so long: because of the people.

picked up a nice girl, a white girl, in mid city who said we’re going to Burbank. after a short while it was revealed that we were going to a recording studio.

eventually she clued me in to who she was and who she worked with: a duo of southern rappers who she grew up with called Rae Sremmurd. i told her that i was very old and didnt know who she was talking about.

so i turned on my Spotify (RIP Rdio) and as we played the tracks i realized not only did i know one of their tunes, i knew about four of them. i became very excited and had lots of questions for her: where have they toured, what are they like, where will they play in LA, etc etc.

she said i was the coolest 40-year shes ever met.

i said flattery will get you everywhere.

and even though the ride was a long one, it ended far too quickly. but now im def a fan.