last sunday i was procrastinating about a proposal i was writing, tonight im procrastinating about a photo essay of all things.

the tsar show this weekend was magical and wonderful but for some reason i dont want to write about it, which sucks cuz i have lots of great pictures.

where are my interns?

wheres my writing staff?

jimmyt doesnt want me to write about chicks so much and if i told bob hope to fuck off last week for making it to 100 what do you think i should tell jimmyt for telling me to take it easy on writing about chicks?

everything on here is symbolism, jimmy. they didnt like us writing symbolism in college, but then they had us read the most symbolic novels of all time: canteburry tales, ulysees, revelations.

dating women in hollywood is symbolism for lots of things, and never are the stories that i tell just about that one thing. the scene might be set in a boudior but the nugget of truth is discovered somewhere else. nakedness equals blank slate, vulnerabililty, trust, love, etc. never is having sex an accomplishment in the busblog, its merely a begining of a new set of problems, and how can you introduce those problems unless you describe how they got there.

most of the time its just he begining of the joke.

two midgets walk into a bar

but the way i do it, its just like, two hot chicks take off their shoes at the foot of my bed.

i say, no no no put those back on. who wants those off?

they say, fine fine. and put them back on.

who ever told van gogh enough with the flowers?

one of the girls i know. shes friends with someone i know. and because of that i know that she has a boyfriend. i dont know the boyfriend, but i know that hes an ok guy.

shes very beautiful and i dont know why she wants to cheat on him, and the devil part of my brain is on full blast saying do her do her do her and her best friend. look they put their shoes back on. they want to do whatever you say.

and shes gonna cheat on him anyway.

even the good part of my brain is pretty loud.

you have condoms, you know. lots.

but its sunday. the lords day. the day we were meant to keep holy, and this is far from holy so i tell them that i need to call them a cab.

they look sad in their matching blue sparkley wigs.

disappointed in their skirts.

so close and yet so far

so bad

buzz machine + beef jerky + bye oish

where would you go?

i would head to the corner of clark and addison in chicagos north side, wrigley field.

i would make sure to get there by saturday because on that day the new york yankees will play the chicago cubs.

it will be a match up of young versus old. power versus power. dynasty versus dustiny.

clemens versus wood.

roger clemens will be trying to get his 300th win, the milestone of milestones for starting pitchers.

he is also nine strikeouts short of 4,000, only two other pitchers have ever reached that mark.

earlier on ebay i saw tickets going for as low as $200 a pair, but now theyre up to $600.

i think thats nice.

what i also think is nice is that my phone keeps ringing and its anna kournikova.

shes calling from the dominican republic because she just got married to enrique and if i could go anywhere i wouldnt go to the dominican because i dont believe in that marriage.

its a sham anna and you know it.

for if you were serious you would have gotten hitched in vegas like you always said you would.

with me.

chinomikan + etoy + gnome girl

will stay up for this week, a bonus week.

who doesn’t love bonuses.

when i sold tvs they would have daily bonuses and contests.

on saturday mornings they would bring in a deli tray and we would sit on speakers in the speaker room and the boss would talk to us about numbers, and about which salesmen did what during the week, and what the truck just brought in, and what we should look out for because of the ad.

sometimes he’d reach into his pocket and pull out laker tickets.

sometimes he would unfurl a hundred scratch-off lottery tickets.

sometimes he would pull out a hundred dollar bill.

usually it was something like first person to sell a five year warranty wins.

for the laker tickets it was first person to sell a five year and a three year.

at a different job i once was given a trip to europe with my girlfriend.

one place i worked for two years and it was run on a tight budget so nobody got little bonuses and i thought that was sorta dumb. the least they could have done was give someone a bonus personal day.

ted youve kicked ass lately, have a day off on us.

the xbi is interesting because you cant really call in sick. everyone is vital. if one of the crew members of chopper one isnt there, we cant do it right.

first of all, its an illegal vehicle used from stolen parts and possible alien technology. secondly, it could be captured and end up in the wrong hands. thirdly it would be impossible to replace. therefore there can be no fucking around with it.

we get bonuses almost every day.

it’s nice.

well this last week has been a bonus week to me. nearly every day something super cool happened to me.

sorta feels like a tip of the hat from the man upstairs, and i give a tip of the hat right back.

a tip of the hat to everyone.

it’s been a pleasure to link to digital tavern this month, a blog with smart writing, excellent design, and as of late, great original photography.

and its been a pleasure to watch the cubs, who are still in first place, and its now june.

and it was a pleasure to kiss that pretty girl.

and it was a pleasure to be rocked by tsar.

thank you one and all.

digital tavern

why not. everyone was there and it was wilder than the last time.

its funny, as great as last night was, i really dont feel like rehashing it.

but i will try.

because you had to put up with that naked guy all day.

naked guy was even at the party. he was clothed and equipped with a smoking hot girlfriend. we were all drunk so i asked him all the questions people were too shy to ask.

have you ever been naked on stage before?

no.

who called the police on you in pittsburgh?

the hotel desk chick.

was she old?

no she was young.

did you see those gay guys totally loving your nudity?

yes!

did that freak you out at all?

no!

then i poured him some absinthe and decided that he was an ok guy.

he is an ok guy.

people lost their keys and their cellphones. i found some barrettes on the floor this morning. i had a terrible hangover. it took most of the day to recover.

im still recovering and now its bedtime.

all i have to say is im a lucky man and i have some great friends and some of my friends play in the best band in america, and that includes both north and south america.

and i have some great neighbors who put up with a much louder party than the other week.

and i live a blessed life, which i dont deserve, but i totally appreciate.

and the cubs totally won after 15 innings thanks to sammy sosa who is back

and now the cubs are unstoppable.

bettie girl + circa 1977 + moxie was there