dear tony,

no offense to you, but my favorite blogger is the tiny little penis. rabbit. heather. i miss her. i miss her a lot. alot a lot.

what’s going on with her?

i understand that you two are neighbors. i understand that for layne’s wedding she was there with her ex-boyfriend. i understand that you went to a party with karisa that was next door to heather’s house and all holy heck broke out and all the ladies in the house said hey. hey hey.

in fact i hear tell that pretty much every party that you’ve been to in the last six months when heather showed up all the ladies and gentlemen swarmed her and were delightfully entertained by her drunken war stories of love, lust and intrigue. i love you tony, but i hear that at these parties you hold her ashtray and fill up her long island ice teas when she snaps her fingers.

is any of this true?

but tony, tell us, where the heck is heather and is it nice where shes at?

lonely in louisville

Dear Lonely,

how many of times do i have to say it? Good web site, dull life. Great blog, dull job.

heather, the rabbit, is a vivacious witty sexy young brilliant professional writer based in hollywood. she has a handsome boyfriend and tons of friends. all this psycho-babble where she tries to pretend to be crazy is crazy. shes a hot child in the city and shes squeezing life’s juicy lemon until there isn’t none left.

she writes all those articles for salon and maxim and mother jones and high times and shes also writing a book.

its true that when i see her at a party i know that i better get used to holding up one of the walls because all the cool kids are going to recognize her and stand in awe as she holds court. but it’s cool, i like to hear what she has to say too. oh that’s right, shes also on npr all the time.

so why should she even keep up something lame and nerdy like a friggin blog?

do you really think that someone as hip and happening as heather needs a daily unpaid outlet to spill her guts or let loose her endless creativity and soulful knowledge? hell no. in fact, its my belief that the only reason she even kept the blog was as a public service to those of us who don’t read salon or high times except in the waiting room of the dentist office.

they’ve got dentist offices in louisville, don’t they?

besides, just because we need heather doesn’t mean that she needs us.

and like i said, she is writing a book so back off and let the writer write. don’t make her use up all her special goodness on this disposable medium of the click click blog.

anyway, shes just a girl, what else did you expect?



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