hi tony.

hi scary pumpkins.

yeah, well, we fucked up and forgot that tomorrow was your birthday, why didn’t you tell everyone.

aw, well you know me, im a little timid about telling people personal details about my life.

nah huh. how old are you gonna be?


wow, you look terrific, how do you do it?

drugs, alcohol, barely legal girlfriends.

you don’t take drugs.

i know.

and you rarely drink.

shhh. i have an image to uphold.

and that girl isn’t even your girlfriend!

please, will you shut up, please! don’t make me get a big spoon and scoop out your insides.

so what do you want for your birthday?

i would like for the world to be a better place.

tangible things, please.

i would like to go to a strip club with my two ex girlfriends.

yowza. anything else?

no, not really. i said earlier that i want to kiss 36 girls. i think now i’ll settle for six amazing ones.

why the change?

kissed thirty over the weekend to warm up.

aren’t you afraid of catching something?

cant catch anything kissing. it’s kissing!

not herpes?

fuck herpes.

what about mono?

you know what pumpkins, that’s one thing i’d like for my birthday. i’d like everyone to put aside all their bullshit fears surrounding good for just one day. real good. like everyone, if they want to eat cake that day, say the hell with the damn diet that theyve been on for half their life. eat a piece of damn cake.

right on!

and if you want to say hi to that pretty girl on the third floor, march up there and say hi. get her number even. quit listening to that same old stale voice that tells us that the things that we want somehow are either wrong, impossible, or in someway threats to our stable, miserable lives.

preach, preacha!

i have a dream, holiday gourds.

that we can all live together in peace?

no. that people can kiss each other at bars and in night clubs and their hearts flutter and their blood pressure goes up and they don’t need so much booze any more. i have a dream, my friends.

yeah, that’s a dream alright. we don’t even have lips.

then it’s done. we’ll kiss since pumpkins can’t.

we would.


a lot.

i bet.

ah, fuck.

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