Associated Press

CHICAGO — Sammy Sosa was suspended for eight games by Major League Baseball on Friday for using a corked bat.

The Cubs slugger will appeal the suspension, said Jim Hendry, the team’s general manager. The appeal will make Sosa available for a four-game series against the New York Yankees.

“We support him in his appeal,” Hendry said. “We have no reason to believe it was anything more than a one-time incident. We will support him and his right to exercise and appeal.”

The appeal had to be filed before Friday’s game so Sosa could play.

A piece of cork was found just above the handle in Sosa’s bat Tuesday night when it shattered after he grounded out in the first inning of the Cubs’ 3-2 victory. Sosa didn’t deny the corked bat was his, but he said it was a batting practice bat he had grabbed by accident.

“Some punishment is in order. Hopefully, it can be reduced,” Hendry said.

He noted that Sosa “has been shattering bats his whole career” and no other corked bats had been found.

Bob Watson, baseball’s vice president in charge of discipline, met with Cubs manager Dusty Baker and Hendry at Wrigley Field on Thursday, then returned to New York. Watson did not talk to Sosa.

Other players who have used corked bats have been suspended for up to 10 games. The Cubs had hoped that Sosa’s cooperation, as well as the fact that no cork was found in any of his 81 bats that were checked, would work in his favor.

The Hall of Fame said Thursday that X-rays or CT scans of its five Sosa bats showed no cork or anything else that would violate baseball rules. Baseball officials didn’t find anything in 76 bats confiscated from Sosa’s locker after he was ejected from Tuesday night’s game, either.

“The sad part about the whole thing is that he had 70-some bats and it’s like you still don’t believe it. That’s what’s unfair,” Baker said. “He was wrong with that one bat. It was a bad decision.”

Boston Red Sox ace Boston pitching ace Pedro Martinez came to his Dominican countryman’s defense, saying the incident was being blown out of proportion because of racial bias by the media.

“If it was (Mark) McGwire, it would still be a big deal, but not like this,” Martinez said. “We might be Latin and minorities, but we’re not dumb. We see everything that happens.”

Several other players have been caught or have admitted using a corked bat. But none has had the gaudy resum� of Sosa.

In a five-year stretch from 1998-02, Sosa hit 292 home runs. He’s the only player to hit 60 or more homers in three seasons, hitting 66 in 1998, 63 in 1999 and 64 in 2001.

He’s No. 17 on the career list with 505 homers. And at just 34, many believe he’ll have a chance at Hank Aaron’s record of 755 homers.

Sosa insists he’s never done anything illegal.

“I feel very bad for having used that bat, but my conscience is clean,” Sosa said Thursday. “I’m not a criminal nor someone who intended to deceive or take advantage of others.”

Watson spent about two hours at Wrigley, meeting with Baker, Hendry, Cubs president Andy MacPhail and clubhouse manager Tom Hellmann, then went back to New York.

Baker said his meeting with Watson wasn’t an interview so much as an explanation of what Watson was doing.

“I called him Judge Dread. He thought it was pretty funny,” Baker said. “He just wanted to let me know that they’re going to try to come up with a quick decision, a fair decision. Whatever happens after that it’s up to Sammy and the organization, if we want to appeal it.”

Not only is this weekend the teams’ first meeting at Wrigley since the 1938 World Series, but Roger Clemens goes for his 300th career win Saturday against fellow Texan Kerry Wood. The games Saturday and Sunday will be broadcast nationally, with 90 percent of the country seeing the Clemens-Wood matchup on Fox.

espn + cubs.com

i have the greatest friends.

have i told you?

we had the shrimp special at casita del campo. i had baileys, he had a marguerita, i think.

we had been drinking, talking about baseball, nick cave, prauge, cuba, newspapers, blogging, and of course, miss universe.

he was supposed to take me to the laundromat but i got lazy after we had our first beer and we watched tv – like i make everyone do – and then we ate.

matt welch doesnt like conan o’brien. how can this be?

over tortillas we agree that since the longest suspension for a corked bat was a week (only to be negotiated down to four days) by the pouty albert belle, sammy should have to be suspended for thirty games.

my arguement was more than even that because sammy is on pace to be the home run king, and he’s not a young man any more. and if he were suspended for say most of the season and when he gets to be 41, 42 he finds himself 30-35 homers short of 755, everyone will know that the suspension in ’03 sparked by the corked bat stopped him from breaking the record.

fine. its the most precious record in baseball.

a sport that loves its records more than any other sport.

not only should sammy get a long suspension, but he should instigate it, and while he’s serving his term he needs to go back to the dominican, set up a bench press in the center of town and work out on those dusty streets with the kids looking on and bench all morning.

then he needs to run all around town until its lunch time.

then he needs to eat grapes and melons and then go to the batting cage. the fucked up dominican batting cage.

then he needs to run a little more. then he needs to go back to that town square and apologize to his people.

it wouldnt hurt him if he cried some.

and then he needs to say that he brought shame to his mother and that brings him his deepest shame.

i dont ask you to forgive me, sammy should say in spanish, i only ask that you continue to pray for me.

and then run a few more miles around the town. and then go home and sleep and do it all again the next day.

and after thirty days or more of this sammy should come back to the cubs, my favorite team, leaner, meaner, refreshed, renewed, and ready to win a damn pennant.

thats what sammy sosa needs to do to get this shit forgotten.

and then we ate the plantains, finished off the beans and rice, and then we didnt gossip once about our friends.

splink + jennyyeah + alecia

i dont blame them.

xbi is a cool place. theyve taken care of me. i cant complain.

i could but i wouldnt. i never bitch about the people who pay me. not even on the job.

i have a weird belief that whatever you think or say comes out and multiplies so i try to keep things positive.

recently they moved us all around. took our desks and mixed them up. i think the gunfight had something to do with it.

typically a gunfight is a good red flag to management that the fellas need a new change of scenery. and since i was involved in the gunplay and because i am generally considered one of the most even-keeled members of the agency, when they saw that i had completely emptied my sidearm they knew that things should change.

so this is my new desk. maybe. we’re seriously not supposed to talk about anything surrounding the xbi anywhere, especially not on a web site. especially not on an occassionally busy web site.

i like my new desk. which might be mine. im hardly ever at it because im usually flying chopper one, and thats why my area is fairly clean, but its nice on rainy days or mondays to sit there and look out at the people eating and smoking and think about what else i could be doing in my life and usually the list includes either flipping burgers or selling oranges on the medians next to the 10.

i dont have a lot of toys on my desk, but to the right of my computer you can see my sammy bobblehead, which really isnt a bobblehead its just a figurine.

if anyone wants to send me a sammy bobble head (or more importantly, a harry caray bobblehead) you can send it to: Pierce, 4845 Fountain Ave. #15, Hollywood, CA 90029.

if what you send me is super cool i will take a picture, cuz they last longer.

the best gift that you can give me is your loyal readership, and your sworn secrecy that you wont run around and blab to the world that you have stumbled across what might be the only photographic evidence of the inside of xbi hq.

now please let me get back to corking my keyboard.

xoxoxox

tony

one day in the us + kool keith + sarah crabtree + the ward

you wicked witch from the west.

look what youve done to my beautiful wife. look what youve done to my beautiful house.

some bad guys wanted to send a message to some other bad guys this morning so they took a crane and tipped it over onto a bank.

people thought the bank was empty but there was something in the bank.

i cant tell you exactly what was in the bank because maybe the xbi was involved. indirectly.

maybe it was an accident. if you believe in accidents.

we dont.

which is why we dont believe that sammy sosa in the middle of his home run slump picked the only bat out of 75 bats with his name on it that had cork in it.

which is why if i was commissioner of baseball i would defrock him, expose him, and draw the line of offensive behavior in this, our national pastime.

judge landis and happy chandler are drinking in their graves.

meanwhile where is the commissioner of baseball? the king of black eyes. why isnt he xraying all the bats in baseball right now. or cutting them in half or drilling into them.

baseball has finally come back after years of suffering and over the last few years there has just been one disgrace after another. and yes it bothers me and it hurts me as much as a crane falling upon my heart.

the commissioner needs to resign right now.

the new york times upon discovering that they had two rotten apples, got rid of the apples and today got rid of some of their top editors.

this year my man is corking his bat and roberto alomar is getting a hair cut in the bullpen while his manager is looking around the bench to have him pinch hit.

and chip caray is still broadcasting.

and the yankees are still getting away with murder.

and the commissioner’s daughter is still running a team.

things are falling apart and you have no idea how i wish that i could get away with doing such a crappy job at my place of employment the way bud selig gets to just cruise around at his.

i’d suspend sammy for three months and fine him millions.

madmathias + steve czaben + bettie girl

i would suspend my hero sammy sosa, of my favorite baseball team, the chicago cubs, for the rest of this young season.

a corked bat of any sort, especially one in the hands of the most loved player in baseball today shouldnt be tolerated any more than a locker full of kiddie porn.

because what it does is makes the public wince.

we want to trust our idols, especially in chicago, especially on the northside.

especially when our magic number is 121.

some might say that a corked bat is the same as a scuffed ball, or sandpaper in a pitchers glove.

we rooted for gaylord perry and his spitball, and we smile at ty cobb sharpening his cleats.

players cover their mouths with their gloves nowadays to prevent enemy lip-readers. cheating isnt cheating in baseball it’s playing.

if you dont get caught: good for you. if you do: nice try you old dog.

but even in baseball at some point you have to draw the line and a guy who is on pace to be the all time home run king has to hit all of those home runs fair and square.

it was your practice bat? fuck you.

and fuck you for having a corked practice bat.

if i was commissioner of baseball i would be saying fuck you a lot i have a feeling.

someone got a piece of paper, rolled it up, wrote dunce on it and put it on my sammy bobblehead on my desk.

the sammy sosa story is a great one. skinny outfielder who gets tossed from team to team until he bulks up and starts hitting the ball over the ivy of wrigley field.

latin hero who blows kisses to his mother, and hustles, and has a gun for an arm.

he took the cubs to the playoffs in 89 almost singlehandedly.

and broke everyones hearts with a ground out

against the devil rays of tampa bay.

i keep telling you about night games at wrigley.

and its evil.

sk smith + lago + dancing + joh3n

one particular young woman was having a problem with hecklers. one in particular who threatened her.

but before we get to that, is there anything better than corn on the cob?

shit man.

back in the olden days i worked for some big companies as a manufacturers rep.

what i had to do, basically, was to teach salesmen how to sell better.

i would help them sell everything better and in return i would ask them occassionally to sell my stuff better.

strangely, my company hardly ever asked me to have them sell the stuff better.

anyway, sometimes i would have to give demonstrations in the stores to the general public. i really liked those days because then i got to show the salesmen that i really could stand on their floors, in their stores, in their house basically and outsell their asses on any given sunday.

it helped that i had giveaway pens, and i could call myself the factory rep, but still, a box went out that door because of me and thats all sales is.

sometimes i would be giving a demonstration to one person and several people would gather and some heckler would say something smart as he walked past.

i would say, what was that sir?

only do this when people arent buying. if theyre buying pay attention to them. if theyre not argue with the heckler, this way your pitch is delivered when people arent looking.

thats just a twelve dollar cd player with a six hundred dollar price tag! he heckled.

what was that sir?

mummble mumble.

sometimes you could call them out sometimes you couldnt. hecklers generally arent used to losing the power struggle so if you get lucky they’ll repeat themselves or say something else stupid.

im sorry sir, this philips cd-i player not only plays mpeg video, kodak photo cds, over 125 interactive titles, but the audio is crystal clear with two hundred and fifty six times oversampling, created as you probably know from the inventors of compact disc technology, and the audio tape, philips electronics.

and since i see that the pioneer cd player next to you with eight times oversampling is being sold for $199 and all it does is play cds, then how much, if you were running philips, would you sell this revolutionary device for?

i would sell it for…

a thousand dollars? well thats what marantz cd players go for. some even more than that. marantz being philips high end boutique line. in fact the marantz model that has 256 times oversampling is listed at nearly three times the price of the philips cd-i. many people buy this just to have a hearty high end compact disc player that they can show their photographs on.

why would i want to see my pictures on tv?

well i dont know about you, but i have a huge

tv.

and sometimes im lucky enough to take a picture of a pretty girl.

i would rather look at the ladies on my tv with a beverage in my hand and my feet up–

why must you lie to the people?

i know, it sounds too good to be true–

philips didnt invent the cd player.

it’s funny, one of the most common misconceptions–

Sony!

is that sony invented compact disc technology.

always stay cool people. its your house. not theres.

but if you look at the patent, for ever dollar of royalties sony gets a quarter and philps gets seventy five cents.

and in this whole store, as great as it is, you wont find one sony cd player that plays photo cds, compact disc interactive cds, movies, and audio with two hundred and fifty six times oversampling.

but they make nice walkmans.

after you make the pitch you have to ask for the sale.

ask the heckler how many he’d like. tell him to try it and if he doesnt like it he can return it. tell him if he buys it now you’ll throw in comptons interactive encyclopedia absolutely free. it’s a three hundred dollar value.

i dont need an encyclopedia.

what is it that you need?

not that.

you sure have a lot of questions about it. i think you love it.

laughter.

i know i love. and im not ashamed. i even bought one for my mom. and i got a roll of film put on cd and i mailed it to her along with the cd player.

because i love my mother.

it helps if youre partly insane. it also helps if youre on salary and drive a company car and have nothing to lose if nobody buys a damn cd player.

one of the best ways to close a sale is to be quiet.

and abc you should always be closing.

so if no one says anything and everyone stays seated wait just a few more seconds than you want and if you still have the floor you really have the sale so what you do is say, mario, how many of 910s do you have in stock.

same as they did for months before you showed up. three. two, really. one has the box ripped open and is missing a remote.

three!

ive got three pga golf games, a treasures of the smithsonian cd, and a coupon for a free kodak cd, but i might have three. i’ll give those to the next three players that get sold.

at this point people will take action. they will either turn to their spouses and decide, or they will ask questions. if they ask questions say, if anyone wants one right now, mario will wrap one up for you, but i will be happy to answer your question. whats that?

and point at mario.

and keep the answers short.

the heckler will walk away and you will sell out. and then you will go home. and then any time you go back into that circuit city they will say there he is.

when hecklers show up on your blogs however, ignore them completely, delete their comments, ban them from posting, never reference them, and write down their ip address.

Earth-Info.Net

please dont make fun of me.

i wont make fun of you sammy, youre my hero.

it was a practice bat.

dude, youre preaching to the choir. im willing to say it was planted.

it was a practice bat that i use for batting practice for the kids to oooh and ahhhh before the game.

sammy, its cool, trust me.

if i knew it was my practice bat i wouldnt have used it.

bro, i couldnt care less.

this sucks so bad tony.

i know. im watching them saw in half your bat that you hit your 499th home run.

i want to die.

its just baseball, buddy.

its just my whole life. my whole reputation. my whole everything. baseball is everything to me. id be a busboy in cancun without baseball.

without blogger im nothing and you dont see me thinking about slitting my wrists when people say i cheat.

i didnt mean to cheat though.

if youre not cheating youre not trying, senor, you know that.

i am trying, and im not cheating. fuck!

what?

i just saw a kid wearing my tshirt walking down the street. i hate myself.

people still love you sammy. i still have my sosa bobblehead on the dashboard of chopper one and one on my desk.

you should throw those out.

why? are they corked?

even when im so very sad you can always make me smile tony.

thats very nice. do me a favor though, por favor, ixnay on the corked batsay, k?

done.

fuck people who show up for batting practice. theyre happy just to be watching batting practice. they dont need to see you hitting the warmup pitches into lake michigan.

i know. i know

and fuck this slump youre in, and fuck this goatee you have, and fuck whatever weird stress youre putting on yourself.

do you have any idea what youre talking about?

we all have pressure, bro, we dont have to cheat or lie to stay successful.

but i want to keep my goatee.

fine, if you keep the goat, lose the bad bats and learn to relax. your team is in first place even without your massive bombs.

yes, but for how long?

for as long as guys like carlos fucking zambrano keep pitching out of their minds-o

but i am the team captain.

yes and youre also the home run king. its math. put the home run king at the plate and let him swing, eventually home runs will appear. dont force it. do you force your poops?

sometimes.

ok stop forcing those too.

the pressure is insane.

sammy. pressure is in your head. its the devil. dont listen to the devil. listen to the angels. listen to the little voice thats trying to root you on. listen to the 37,000 fans who are rooting you on. all you have to do is put the ball in play. you have over 500 home runs. you know how to hit those. just hit the ball hard.

but what if i dont hit 50 this year?

dude, youre a Cub. we expect nothing of you. we’re lucky that you even play on our field.

i love you tony.

right back at you corky.

tim blair + brian + coyote meets bush + brian

did you watch that Miss Universe pagent last night?

i sure as hell did.

my attorney was over, we had thai. God i love thai food. first we watched American Juniors, then we drank beers and watched Miss Universe and I have to say that I called Miss Dominican Republic, Amelia Vega. she had me at hola.

eighteen years old is the new miss universe, la times, and i dont ever want to hear any more shit from you about the ages of the girls that i date.

she was smooth, she was classy, she was happy, she had it all.

i did like the legs of Miss Namibia and the cool class of miss japan (who got robbed and should have been in the top three) and i even liked Daisy Fuentes who is still hanging in there which is tough when youre standing in front of scores of hot women from around the world.

i liked the costumes, the evenening gowns, the sexshay introductions, and even the swimsuit competition.

i liked it all, la times, and i think you did too, but i wouldnt know because i dont pick up the paper any more because you lost me as a reader a long time ago and youve done nothing to get me back.

how come you didnt do what i did and have a picture or two or three each day on your cover introducing each woman? people like to see pictures of pretty women.

miss universe is still in high school. how cool is that?

dont young women need role models any more?

isnt a high school miss universe from a country that most people cant find on a map even somewhat interesting? i think it is. but then again, i also think you suck so maybe you dont care what i think.

you suck because you pretend that you are a local paper but youre really an international paper, and then something like the miss universe pagent shows up that couldnt be more international and i dont see special sections or color full page spreads, or wagering, or handicapping.

maybe you could have given the kids of los angeles a two week geography lesson as to where most of these countries are and have a nice map and a nice picture next to it. maybe this week you could tell the kids of la about the four runners ups countries.

do you only educate the masses about geography when we’re about to blow shit up?

maybe youre part of the problem.

quick: whats the capital of canada?

how fucked up is it that the kids of los angeles know what the captial of afghanistan but not the capital of canada, our neighbors to the north.

war shouldnt be the educator of everyone, peace and love should.

lets put these beauty queens to work.

your pal,

tony

la examiner + welch + big dump truck