and thats fine. it is a mysterious thing and i cant really say that i am sold on it just yet.

i have not experienced the hallucinations that others may have, i didnt feel the urge to cut my ear off like some, and i didnt get the liquidy gorgeous dreams that helped spawn the likes of alice in wonderland.

all it did was get me a good buzz.

there is another bottle that has yet to be imbided and i hope to do that with my favorite drinking partner, miss poland, sometime soon. the only problem is shes going to be away for a while and i dont think she cares for the stuff any more.

people ask me what its made of, i tell them that i dont know. something to do with wormword.

people ask me if it tastes like black licorice and i tell them no, it tastes like black cough syrup.

people ask how they should drink it should they get their hands on a bottle from a mysterious stranger like i was lucky enough to be sponsored by.

this is how i have been drinking it.

yank a spoon from your heroin-taking roommate. take his lighter too. put a sugar cube on the spoon. pour a generous shot over the sugar. light the spoon on fire. dont get scared. let it cook. dump it into a glass. dont be scared if the glass catches fire.

be scared if the table and carpet catch fire.

be scared if your leg catches fire.

this is all a part of the crazy buzz and strange dreams.

then add a shot of water, stir the sugar cube, make a toast and shoot it down.

even under these circumstances its going to be strong and sweet and will burn a path down your throat that will go down to your toes.

kiss the girl in front of you and then hand her the spoon and repeat.

thats how i drink it.

now there are also lots of different fancy absinthe spoons. perhaps i will invest in one or more if my supply keeps coming in. i think crazy spoons are fun, especially if they are useful.

the point of the absinthe spoon is so that the cooked sugar + liquor can drip into the awaiting glass. i would also like to invest in some proper glasses.

one thing i learned in college is that there is a sacred ritual to getting shitfaced that is part of the glamourous dance and it is what seperates us from the riff raff.

enjoy the journey as much as the destination.

smell the booze, watch the flame, be one with the sugar cube, enjoy the nice kiss.

tune in next week when we discuss how to program your vcr.

reverse cowgirl + dumb monkey + cry of capricorn

hi month of gemini, you random insult generator of a month. hi.

today for no reason what so ever i feel a ton better.

last night i made an 11-page photo essay of the Tsar show on friday night. i was up till 2am so you better say nice things about it.

and be careful because there is some full frontal nudity.

yes it’s still gray and crappy in la but its beautiful because people said nice things to me last night.

one particular girl is trying to tempt me into doing bad things and when i tell her that she needs to stay away thinks im kidding, but no, you need to stay away.

normally i am in control of the things that i do, but for some reason with her im not so sure i could hold back my emotions and lustful feelings.

dont you women want honesty from us?

heres the honest message: stay away until this clears up.

bad part about animal magnetism isnt the animal part because that can be satisfied, it is the magnetism part because that never goes away.

so go away temptress, go away for a little while, i care about you and i want the best for you.

i hear metallica is releasing their cd early so as to thwart downloading. is this reverse psychology?

i wasnt even interested in even downloading the new metallica because they do nothing for me any more and i disagree with their politics.

but now, just to spite them i want to download their new cd and “share” it with all my anonymous friends.

is this just some genius marketing ploy on their part similar to when they first started out and acquired a grassroots fan base when they encouraged people to make tapes of their first recordings and trade them?

only the devil knows.

speaking of which, i dont want to see any more mean comments in this thing. this is a place of peace and happiness and if you need to be reminded, this is what is ok for comments: questions, praise, links to similar subjects, praise, clarifications, praise, and praise.

xeni + oliver + instapundit

trouble starts every time you catch yourself rooting for a team called the mighty ducks.

then theres the fact that theyre an orange county hockey team.

fuck orange county, fuck hockey in orange county, fuck the ducks.

im into puck as much as the next guy, and in hollywood the next guy doesnt give a cluck about puck, and i give less.

i grew up in the midwest and my friends played hockey. i know hockey.

i was able to hang out with the girl who would be my first girlfriend because of hockey, so it’s not like i dont appreciate it. i do.

and because i do i feel weird rooting for the maroon and teal.

down with disney.

are they my hometown team? no.

the la kings are my hometown team.

eazy-e never wore a mighty ducks hat, therefore neither will i.

and shit.

in other news i still havent done my laundry.

in other news i love my tivo.

in other news i told the pretty girl at work that she missed out on a naked man by not going to the tsar show, she didnt seem all that impressed.

in other news, wormhog flowed the busblog ten bones.

57. wormhog

in other news my new best friend wants to send me more absinthe from overseas.

bless you, mysterious stranger.

yes, more please.

we took one down and passed it around, now theres only one bottle of absinthe one the wall.

why cant all of you send me wonderful gifts like my man did?

except for you, artistic woman who sent me two color photographs in a hand drawn envelope.

bless you too.

hell, bless you all.

even you mighty ducks of anaheim.

least intimidating sports franchise ive ever witnessed.

which may be their secret weapon.

that not so fresh feeling + lamelist + anti

im feeling better this afternoon. im not sure whats wrong with me.

maybe its the month of gemini. im all crazy inside. im all happy happy sad sad. now im mellow mellow.

i still dont want to work.

im on a government mandated fifteen minute break so i can answer all of the fan mail that i have been getting.

the first piece of business is to answer the question as to why i am putting these beauty queens on here day after day after day after day. the answer is simple. it is to promote my favorite beauty pagent, the Miss Universe pagent.

many people have approached me and told me that the busblog is a pretty sweet marketing platform and i look at them and say whaaa?

then they stuff money in my pockets and tap me on the back and leave after whispering things like talk about this, or talk about that.

is this to insunate that the busblog can be bought? you bet your bottom dollar. its just zeros and ones hippies and if the ones go infront of the zeroes then alls good in the hood.

meanwhile enjoy the parade of smiling faces and imagine the possibilities.

people ask me if i will promote this or that and without the proper zeroes and ones the answer is no.

then the correct ones appear magically and they ask if i would be kind enough not to say fuck this or fuck that and i say maybe.

then more zeroes and ones appear and poof the curse words disappear.

dont call it a sellout, ive been selling out for years.

every day that i walk into a profession that im not totally in love with and do the work of the man while he laughs at my lack of courage to go for the gold is a sell out.

if somehow i can weave the will of one with the art of another, thats not selling out, thats just beautiful.

and if i can get paid, then thats fucking rad.

heres to making dreams come true.

next year it wont be free, mr. trump.

brian has a good picture of karisa + bitchen + shark bitten + kate sullivan makes me love rock

hi tony. tony are you italian?

do you like italian men?

i love italian men.

then yes, i am italian.

where in italy are you from tony?

im more italian-american.

where are your parents from?

uh…

im from firenze.

florence? i spent my 21th birthday there.

i hear youre very old. is that true?

sadly, yes.

dont be sad, i like older men.

i love you miss italy.

arent you sweet.

yes i arent.

do you think i will win this pageant?

yes. i think you’ll win because you look like former E! personality jules asner.

oh! i like her!

yes, me too. do you mind if i call you jules for the rest of this interview?

not at all. mind if i call you kmetko?

not one bit, jules.

isnt this lovely, kmetko?

will you hold my hand, jules?

certainly.

mmmmmm.

you have a strange hand, did you have an accident when you were a child?

thats not my hand, but yes i did.

wormhog + xtracyx + science blog + mad pony kristin

here in the city of angels and i cant say im in the very best moods.

on paper i really should be. on paper i should be one of the happiest people around. but theres a reason we play the game, now, isn’t there.

i think my head is as gray as the horizon because my best friends sorta ditched me this weekend.

one is in love, the other… well, its not so unusual.

it looks like there might be some major changes in the busblog and i need these two people to give me advice and clarity and encouragement. i don’t rely on that many people and im not one to really whine about friends so maybe i should shut it.

anyhow, anna, im sure you’re in love with enrique, and i know this is your honeymoon, but you told me that you were going to help me with the redesign. this is no time to go off and get hitched.

today i don’t want to be at the xbi but i have to go in earlier than normal. that blows.

i get to leave earlier than normal so that’s fine.

sometimes i think people totally understand where im coming from, then i think people don’t understand me at all.

i think im so easy to get along with.

gray skies of hollywood why do you cover my dear city so?

if i wanted this shit i would still be living in frisco.

i still haven’t seen the matrix two, i still haven’t seen bruce almighty, or nemo, or anything.

i have to cover for this guy in security and as i type this every two seconds a door opens behind me and its distracting and jarring cuz nobody should have a desk with a door behind them. not in this business.

i got hbo restored to my directv a few weeks ago and its been nice watching reruns of the sopranos.

yesterday was the first day that furio worked in america.

lane + jimmy t + lane + layne

last sunday i was procrastinating about a proposal i was writing, tonight im procrastinating about a photo essay of all things.

the tsar show this weekend was magical and wonderful but for some reason i dont want to write about it, which sucks cuz i have lots of great pictures.

where are my interns?

wheres my writing staff?

jimmyt doesnt want me to write about chicks so much and if i told bob hope to fuck off last week for making it to 100 what do you think i should tell jimmyt for telling me to take it easy on writing about chicks?

everything on here is symbolism, jimmy. they didnt like us writing symbolism in college, but then they had us read the most symbolic novels of all time: canteburry tales, ulysees, revelations.

dating women in hollywood is symbolism for lots of things, and never are the stories that i tell just about that one thing. the scene might be set in a boudior but the nugget of truth is discovered somewhere else. nakedness equals blank slate, vulnerabililty, trust, love, etc. never is having sex an accomplishment in the busblog, its merely a begining of a new set of problems, and how can you introduce those problems unless you describe how they got there.

most of the time its just he begining of the joke.

two midgets walk into a bar

but the way i do it, its just like, two hot chicks take off their shoes at the foot of my bed.

i say, no no no put those back on. who wants those off?

they say, fine fine. and put them back on.

who ever told van gogh enough with the flowers?

one of the girls i know. shes friends with someone i know. and because of that i know that she has a boyfriend. i dont know the boyfriend, but i know that hes an ok guy.

shes very beautiful and i dont know why she wants to cheat on him, and the devil part of my brain is on full blast saying do her do her do her and her best friend. look they put their shoes back on. they want to do whatever you say.

and shes gonna cheat on him anyway.

even the good part of my brain is pretty loud.

you have condoms, you know. lots.

but its sunday. the lords day. the day we were meant to keep holy, and this is far from holy so i tell them that i need to call them a cab.

they look sad in their matching blue sparkley wigs.

disappointed in their skirts.

so close and yet so far

so bad

buzz machine + beef jerky + bye oish

where would you go?

i would head to the corner of clark and addison in chicagos north side, wrigley field.

i would make sure to get there by saturday because on that day the new york yankees will play the chicago cubs.

it will be a match up of young versus old. power versus power. dynasty versus dustiny.

clemens versus wood.

roger clemens will be trying to get his 300th win, the milestone of milestones for starting pitchers.

he is also nine strikeouts short of 4,000, only two other pitchers have ever reached that mark.

earlier on ebay i saw tickets going for as low as $200 a pair, but now theyre up to $600.

i think thats nice.

what i also think is nice is that my phone keeps ringing and its anna kournikova.

shes calling from the dominican republic because she just got married to enrique and if i could go anywhere i wouldnt go to the dominican because i dont believe in that marriage.

its a sham anna and you know it.

for if you were serious you would have gotten hitched in vegas like you always said you would.

with me.

chinomikan + etoy + gnome girl