pete rose is one of my all-time heroes

koons not just baseball heroes. he didnt let being a slowfooted whitetrash uneducated slackjawed yokel stop him from getting more hits than anyone who ever played pro baseball.

they say hitting a round ball with a round bat is the hardest thing to do in sports and pete rose did it more times than anyone.

he wrote a book that i bought when i was 12 called How To Hit Better Than Anybody.

most baseball players — check that — most Hall of Famers have a hitting milestone of 3,000 hits. get 3,000 and you’re guaranteed entry into the Hall of Fame.

Pete Rose had over 4,000 hits but he is not in the Hall of Fame today because he was accused of betting on baseball.

Ever since the Chicago Black Sox scandal that John Cusack was involved in about 100 years ago baseball has been hypersensitive about gambling. sadly they should have paid more attention to betting AGAINST your team as opposed to betting ON your team.

The Black Sox took money to lose the world series. Huge difference between throwing a game and believing in your team so much that you’d put your money where your scorecard is.

Anyhow, when Pete was manager of the Reds he got involved with some criminals who ratted him out and exposed his troubles with gambling. It was never revealed that Pete bet AGAINST the Reds but Bart Giamatti, the commish of baseball didnt care. He banned the greatest hitter of all time from baseball and in doing so the IRS threw Pete in jail for tax evasion for not claiming his gambling winnings with his annual taxes.

Giamatti was struck down by GOD and his successor chose to be just as hardheaded and continued to ban Pete and keep him from his rightful place in the hallowed Hall of Fame in Cooperstown.

Before Giamatti croaked he made a deal with Charlie Hustle. he said as long as he didnt fight the action being brought against him, that he would be eligible for reinstatement into baseball in 2-3 years. Hick-ass pete actually believed the commish and didnt fight the fist and got f’ed.

he never admitted to betting on baseball until now and they had never proved it. all they had was the testimony of guys who either were in prison or had spent some heavy time in prison. thats whos gonna keep out the all time hit king?

only reason pete rose is admitting that he bet on baseball is to sell a book and get in the hall of fame

which is an awfully pathetic place to put somebody in and baseball should be ashamed.

pete rose is everything great about the american dream. he wasnt fast or powerful or pretty or smart but he gave his all and became a winner and the best hitter of all time.

the front office of major league baseball should not be in the business of tearing a man down so they can then honor him for eternity.

the all time hit king deserves bettor.

aarons baseball blog + eric case + see thru skin + so lonesome

she was sexy. far too sexy for me.

the things she would say would sound sexy and she wasnt even trying. didnt have to. sometimes i would feel bad projecting things like that on certain girls, but with her i wasnt projecting, she was oozing.

people ooze things all the time. some people are just plain dickheads, and they ooze that. some people are super super shy and they ooze that.

the fact that shaq can take it coast to coast if he needed to and drive the lane and bring it, she was that without any of your silly words

the flip in her hair was like that

dont dare look at her eyes, or her lips for that matter cuz the mouth could get you with the shape the glisten or the way the teeth hid there peeking. you didnt realize it but youd been ganged up as you were cowardly trying to retreat by a glossed upper lip.

no help at the neck. which was perfect. which hung cuteness like a simple bow.

even her freckles would fuck with you.

perk pierced pointy tas trying to get out of that ultra tight monogrammed sweater

heather cynthia tomlinson

but the way the monogram streteched the “c” it looked like an “o”

even her

o

looked sexy.

she told me that she has gotten to read the palms of all her friends and now she would like to read mine.

i said are we friends.

she said of course we’re friends tony.

her mouth made an o

every once in a while i will write the truth on here

i recommend you do the same on yours.

i said what happens if i dont want my palm read.

she said tony pierce.

people call me by my name alot.

same thing happens to my man john woo.

i said good book says to stay away from mediums and psychics.

she said but im neither of those.

i said maybe you dont know you are yet.

and whats fucked up the most

is her lips

which i shouldnt have been watching

moved apart just enough

to make a new

smaller

o

and i think thats

when she officially became

it.

kate + virginia + amy + lick

ah monday, you dirty sleepy whore

im thinking about letting it all hang loose this year in the busblog. would you respect me in the morning?

Lick is going to be the depository for all the secrets of the world, but the busblog shouldnt hold back this year. why should it?

mondays at the xbi are hell. fucked up hell. everything that shoulda gotten done the week before or the month before gets dumped into monday and everyone plays catchup and when shit falls downhill it hits me in the eye and you know what i do? i take it. buck stops here. i dont say that in any heroic way, its just the way i wish everyone was. could you imagine if everyone just took care of business and didnt pass the buck? sheesh.

all i want to do today is write. last night all i wanted to do was write. yesterday the phone rang off the hook, and now today the work phone is ringing off the hook.

when the phone here rings too much i try to find out an excuse to take chopper one up for a looksee. but lately theyve been trying to keep things on the download.

friggin terrorists.

everyone is cautious about what goes on in the friendly skies.

not i.

not i.

pretty girl emailed me today. sent me a picture. normally i dont open attatchments. today i did cuz i dont care. mondays im reckless. i need to stop that.

now everyones talking to me. they see im typing. they see im blogging. cant they see im on my government mandated 15 minute break? i havent even eaten lunch today cuz someone brought in mcdonalds for breakfast. let me write fools.

what do i have to say? what do i have to say? i have to say that i want to have something to say. some one left me a comment in my super long post of last night asking for advice on how to write a blog. heres my advice. write and write and write and write. pretend that your mom isnt reading. pretend that prospective employers arent reading it. pretend that youre secretly not trying to get laid cuz of your blog. pretend what you have to say has an audience.

in a word write and pretend.

for example. anna kournikova called me this morning when i was putting the last drops of rogaine in my fro. she read that i had told her to f off in an earlier post.

why you gotta be like that? she asked me.

be like what

be like that!

cuz youre a ho.

you a ho!

so, at least i admit it.

tony pierce why do you have to be so mean to me ALL the time.

cuz you married a boybander when we were supposed to go on vacation.

wont you EVER forgive me for that?

uh, no. probably not.

then you will never have me back again.

yeah, like mail order bride ruskies are a dime a dozen.

fuck you!

sorry, a ruble a dozen.

and with that she hung up on me.

splink wouldnt hang up on me + jack is killing me at fantasy hoops + bunnie rules

busses were mellow today

even the poor are taking a few extra days off to get ready for the new year.

i gotta tell you, im not looking forward to it. i dont know why. for some reason i feel like i avoided some really bad shit last year, other than the flu, and im not particularly sure that i can matador ’04. but lets keep our fingers crossed and play to win as opposed to playing not-to-lose.

my sympathies go out to madpony kristin whose college football team nearly pulled a sweet comeback last night on national tv in prime time during a college game played in a dome yet the field was covered in grass. better luck next year baby. and i hate to say it, but southern cal had a better team.

flagrant splinky girl has to be somewhere in a week. i wonder where. you know what a good tv show would be? me and splink living together in a two bedroom house in hollywood. we’d be like the odd couple in that i eat like a pig and she eats granola out of little plastic bags. she likes her little mood music and i still rock out to gwar and suicidal tendencies.

but the creamy center of the reality show would be that together we help each other stop being such homebodies by taking cross country trips in our vw hippiebus and meet bloggers. the model and the madman. next on fox.

so the bus has new prices here in LA. used to be $1.35 which is obviously a rip cuz who the hell has 35 cents, and since the bus doesnt make change, they usually end up getting either 15 cents more than they deserve, or 65 cents.

to make themselves look like theyre giving a discount, they “lower”ed the fare to $1.25. yay, right?

no.

to stick it to the poor, they eliminated transfers, which last year cost a quarter.

so lets say youre taking the 20 east from santa monica and you want to transfer to the 720 rapid to head to los feliz. in the olden days you’d pay $1.60 ($1.35 + $.25), now you have to pay two Full fares ($2.50!)

the MTA tries to play it off by saying, oh no no no, we have a new thing called the Day Pass, where for $3 you can go anywhere you want all day.

dicks.

and to top it off, for those of us who use bus passes, the rate went from $42 to $52, which in some cases gives the regular commuter No Discount for paying a month in advance.

take this month, for example. theres 15 commuting days since 1/1 and 1/2 were holidays. if one would get a Day Pass for those 15 days, that would be $45.

what they are doing is punishing those who would prefer the convienence of one pass as opposed to forking over $3 every damn morning.

fuck you, mta.

in a town like LA, especially in a town like LA where gridlock is a few years away, they should be bending over backwards to encourage people to use public transportation and to carpool and to get rides from hot chicks, not charging extra for bus passes.

id ask Gov. Arnold for relief but he’s too busy revoking the car tax for his many Hummers.

sutter + ev + blue cad

end of the year questionaire

1. What did you do in 2003 that you’d never done before?

shaved all my hair off

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

sorta. yes.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

yes, mr. jeff solomon, who once was a business partner of mine, and who is currently the lead bass player in my favorite band, and his love, the amazing and talented erin of the walnut creek johnsons.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

ive always felt very close to johnny cash.

5. What countries did you visit?

i think i went to mexico.

6. What would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003?

a redhead

7. What date from 2003 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

4/20: first time i got so drunk i completely forgot what i had done


8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

marrying bonnie and charlie

9. What was your biggest failure?

not capitalizing on the la times calling this blog the most entertaining blog in la.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

i think i was sick for two days.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

my 230-hour directv tivo

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

my true love was on fire this year

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?

steve bartman, the jackass who ruined everything for the cubs

14. Where did most of your money go?

savings. 🙂

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

i had a great idea for a dream job that nearly came true

16. What song will always remind you of 2003?

take it off, the donnas

one year old tony17. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

probably the same

ii. thinner or fatter?

8 lbs thinner!

iii. richer or poorer?

richer!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

i wish i had written more. specifically the xxx novel.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

i hate to say it, but reading almost every webpage that i could find.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

with karisa, drunk, full, wet.

22. Did you fall in love in 2003?

nearly every day.

23. How many one night stands?

they all came back at least once, baby.

24. What was your favourite TV programme?

the howard stern show on e!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

just one person: mr. steve bartman.

26. What was the best book you read?

moneyball

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

the dynomite local outfit: the corvids, athen georgia’s drive-by truckers, and the poormans jesus and mary chain: the ravonettes

28. What did you want and get?

i wanted to succeed a job i wasnt qualified for that would push me to my limits. i succeeded. bitches.

29. What did you want and not get?

the cubs to win the world series.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

lost in translation

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

i went to a strip club with my true love, ate pf changs, and then a curvy brunette did me. 110.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

a job offer from Playboy

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003?

dumbass who probably doesnt even speak english

34. What kept you sane?

dsl, dss, chris, liana, karisa (pictured)

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

xtina

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

lies about going to war typically stir me

37. Who did you miss?

ashley

38. Who was the best new person you met?

travis k. smiley, junior secret agent at the xbi

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003.

rush limbaugh does way more drugs than i do.

40. What was the best thing to happen to the web this year?

Buzznet

41. Who did you steal this from?

bettiegirl

42. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

heres the whole song, which came out in 2003 even though the cd wont be out till 2004

Tsar

Star Time

Hollywood Records

(whalen)

LA is the place to be, and if it aint as shocking as it used to be

take the bullet out your head

put it back in the gun

get your finger on the trigger

welcome, everybody, to the city of sound

they feast on the defeated

turn the city around

all they want to do is get up on your action.

let em go.

my brothers are all proud rockers

wild and aloof and trippin on acid.

my sisters are all stun stunners

wired to the roof and rolling on adam.

baby you live like a suicide

hell, somebody’s got to stand up and die

well, i think i live down in hollywood

never liked no fraud who wastes his money for food

for fifteen-minute freaks

to fan the flannel flame

cuz he used you, man.

come on,

pass the pipe and take the test

cuz youre the young lee harvey

man, you’re david koresh,

and if you dont dig that

why dont you go home

and watch some tivo, fucker

my sisters are all nice rockers

shoes to the roof, and looking up at my way.

my brothers are all jean-cutters,

glued to the tube and jumping like an osprey.

the hey hey never let me down

they love the sound of it getting around

and we say, oh

american girl

fill my heart with gladness, lord

you gotta save my soul

clean my mouth of sadness,

lord

my brothers are all proud rockers

trippin on acid.

my sisters are all stun stunners

rolling on Adam.

x2

wash these devils off

star time

rock n roll

make up your mind

to this world, come on,

get ready to let it rock on

star time

we’ll steal the show

so many miles to goooooooo

and let it rock on

get ready

to let it

rock on

x3

fimoculous + leah + gweilo diaries

well there he is: mr. britney spears.

instapundit doesnt care. jarvis doesnt care. steve hall had to seriously consider whether he cared and finally had to give in out of fear of being slammed by this very blog.

but certainly jason allen alexander (pictured) of kentwood louisiana cared that he married britney spears this weekend.

and you know what j-dog, i care.

for years now i have been barraged with images and “music” and gossip and “news” about whether or not she got a boob job, or whether she was still a virgin, or what was up with her and justin, or if she was a smoker(!)

christina aguilera came out with a dirtier and more beautiful record in 2003 than britney did.

she had five geniune hits: dirrty, can’t hold us down, fighter, impossible, and beautiful.

and yet madonna kisses britney and that image becomes one of the most identifiable moments in 2003. not when madonna kissed xtina seconds later.

but strangely, when britney decides on a whim to get hitched in vegas, its not news.

jarvis and reynolds arent the only one sharing adrants’s yawns, britneys nuptials arent even on any three of yahoos top 20 most emailed, most viewed or highest rated stories of the weekend.

i thought you people loved britney spears

and weddings

and elopments in vegas

and the palms in vegas

and the maloof brothers.

has britney jumped the shark?

well jason, i care that you married britney spears this weekend, at 5 in the morning, in the same little chapel that denis rodman married carmen electra while drunk and being held up my a midget.

i care that you had a wild vegas weekend with britney spears and of right now youre still married to her and youre back home and youve got some stories to tell.

too bad Lick only takes stories from women.

…britney

dogboy + vanmega + doc doesnt care. hes seen it all.

so britney spears wants to get married

as a joke, and then go an have it annulled.

well i think the joke should be on her.

if i was the pope or some other non-biblically elected church official i would suggest to the other church heads that nobody give mrs. alexander any damn annullment.

the institution of marriage in america today has a 50% divorce rate. what brit did the other night rubs its face into the fact that the Ultimate commitment isnt worth the keno card that its written on.

id make an example of her and her sham wedding.

and if i was the state of nevada i’d follow suit.

how can you get married in one day and divorced a few days later and not make the entire “institution” a joke?

she signed the paperwork, she paid the $55, she kissed the groom, she laughed and she laughed and then she danced with one of the malloof brothers in the real world suite.

and now she should have to wait till death till she parts.

either that or she should give her husband half of her income as a penalty.

but i say she should have to stay married. forever.

let no man tear apart what God has brought together.

and all that.

ho.

saying “i do” should not be part of a marketing campaigned designed to sell more records than outkast.

and anyway, i dont see a nevada statute that says you can get your marriage annuled because it was a joke.

closest i see is one that will annul your ass if youre crazy. which perhaps she is.

instapundit still hasnt covered this breaking media event + nor has the creator of entertainment weekly + fark was funny about it

Jeff Jarvis wants to know

why the Beagle website was so slow to finally announce on its site that it got a message from its Mars lander.

I’ve got the same question, Jeff, but different. Why is it that the Syndey Morning Herald is reporting that Britney Spears got married yesterday in Vegas and BritneyFans.com “the #1 source for Britney Fans” didnt consider it reason enough to update?

“Scottish news direct from Scotland”, scotsman.com is reporting about the 22 yr old songstress marrying her old hometown chum in sin city, and yet BritneySpears.com “the official website” is still congratulating fan club member Rebecca Graba who won the “In the Zone” CD pre-sale contest.

ABC News dot com has it, and yet MTV dot com does not.

and currently its 1am sunday morning. this shit happened more than 24 hours ago.

Britney.com, her record label’s site devoted to her doesnt tell its fans that their pop star is a mrs., which is mighty jive.

World of Britney dot com and britney spears dot org have the friggin marriage certificate, and yet the smoking gun is telling us about an old geezer who held up a pizza hut with an electric drill.

the web sure aint what it used to be jeff.

thats for damn sure.

how can britney.com.br, the brazilian fan club have the news of what might be the most famous young woman in the world getting married, and yet the los angeles times doesnt have a freaking word about it.

how many brazillians do you think they staff at britney.com.br?

how many vh-1ers do you think they staff at vh-1 who hasnt added any news updates since 12/30/03 when they reported on ms. spears’ “toxic” video. dont you think yesterday might have been a good day to stroll into the office after a long weekend, just cuz, you know, they are calling that section news after all. or does mtv and vh-1 have a different time frame for when news isnt new any more?

perhaps they subscribe to the la times’ and the chicago tribune‘s philosphy, which is news isnt new until they get around to reporting on it.

you’d think at least theyd read the paper of record who has several search results linking its readers to Reuters and AP reports of the big news.

my condolences to my man o-dub who shoulda been that guy.

metafilter, by the way, had the item posted at 10pm pacific tonight. and its first wisecrack came two minutes later.

who needs newspapers?

although if the LA Times had a blog, maybe they wouldnt seem so obsolete

my question though is where are the bloggers? wheres doc searls or boingboing? i thought the internet never slept.

all you people gave andrew sullivan money last year, wheres his lazy ass on a saturday night? not in front of a computer like he oughtta be.

my guess is, because of the time difference, blair will get it before glenn.

my guess is the times wont have it till monday.

britney@staples 6/6/02 + lauren defends britney 12/06/02 + interview with an escalator

the good looking kids always end up with the belle of the ball.

cyberworld isnt any different. fuckrs.

that belch you heard was the gorillamask getting his pony for christmas.

life isnt fair.

from what i remember he chased her sister, but then switched up, wisely, when he researched the age of consent in oklahoma wasnt as liberal, dare i say Ridiculous, as it is in the evergreen state.

he rubs it in by proving he can woo her with lite beer.

i hate my life.

younger, taller, and has a better website.

my legitamite kids wont believe it, but there was a time when the hot chicks would fly around the world for my website-making ass.

they say programmers dont get any but they lie. programmers pull deeper than designers. deeper than engineers. and far deeper than the qa boys.

i shoulda been a programmer like my college advisor suggested.

i didnt know what she was trying to tell me.

have i told you life isnt fair?

why do the sweater wearing boys get the sorority girls?

why do the 21 year olds keep getting the 21 year olds?

when will the 110 year olds get some?

i can learn to drink lite beer.

i can get a haircut.

i can learn css.

google 2003 zeitgeist + chelle + yahoos top searches of 2003

people ask me all the time about love advice.


i find it tiresome. so heres how to do it now and i dont want to talk about it for another year.

there are three vital parts to Any relationship. sexual or otherwise. trust, honest communication, and the desire for the relationship to exist.

first, the desire. if one of you isnt really 100% into it, theres going to be major problems. people forget how important it is to start at the begining. but this is the beginning “do i want this?” if you dont its over. if youre unsure, its over.

next comes honest communication. its easy to be honest when things are going good. you know you have honest communication when during the rough parts youre able to say the hard things. like, fuck you ho. or this sucks whats going on… or i love you, get your ass over here. if you think you have honest communications count how many secrets youre keeping. if you have a bunch, youre not really comminicating. if one of them is that you used to be a man, then maybe you have issues with the last part

trust. this one is at times the easiest and the hardest. its the easiest when youre trusting 100%. its the hardest when youre trusting 99%. the general rule around the xbi, on duty at least, is trust should never be an issue. you should never have to think about it. it just is. you shouldnt have to think when you answer a question, you shouldnt have to think when you ask one. you just Know that the other person knows that what youre saying is important to the sanctity of the relationship: theres no deception up their sleeve, theres no digging going on, theres no evil. its just words that lead to honest communication that sustains the relationship that both parties want.

with that said, some general standbys are: long distance relationships are for people afraid of real commitment, definately dump your high school sweetheart when you go off to college, dating sisters and twins is only for experts, use a condom every single time, theres something to be said of astrology and of a girl who will go down on you when youre watching the lakers.

other than that youre on your own.

good luck suckers,

tony

dub symphony + the sound of euphoria + jimn