your hero. the greatest writer of all time. american or otherwise. the reason for everything.

today i write to you from hollywood california, where the king of the world once lived. lived for a long time. drank mostly, but lived a lot too.

bukowski, savior to the underclass, defender of the forgotten. hope to the ugly and the scarred and the uncool and the sick.

proof that poetry can come from everywhere, even the drunkard in the corner with the bag around his bottle.

like most great things, the Lord showed me bukowski in a library. procrastinating as always i roamed the 8th floor stacks in santa barbara and found a tidy little row of one bukowski novel after another. mixed in were poems. quick little ones, longer ones.

lines that floated in space

gave you time to think about them

everyday language in everyday settings like diners and hotel rooms and train stations and factories.

bukowski showed us that the hero of the story could have a nickel to his name and bad breath

and maybe not even the best intentions even, but he was alive and therefore somehow important, and the story would explain what first glance couldn’t.

the lesson of bukowski is the lesson for anything: don’t give up, you might not be an american idol at nineteen, you might not be born with the looks of a kennedy, you might not always have the luck o the irish, you might not even ever have a number one best seller on the ny times list. but you still have a shot at being the best because being the best isn’t about movie star looks, units moved, or luck.

being the best is about banging it out every day and every night better than the next guy, and definitely better than the pretty boy. its about taking back the night. its about picking fights until everyone knows that you’re in the ring and you might not be the king of each battle but you’re a force to be reckoned with. somehow.

bukowski didn’t have to speak french in his novels the way hemingway did. he didn’t have to tap dance around his drinking or stick his pinkie out or have to use the right glass or be international. he just fucking drank.

hem talked about wars and signed up and fought and buk fought too except he didn’t have the luxury of leaving after a few years, hank fought for decades. and lost for decades.

hemingway was 24 when he wrote the sun also rises and it was published immediately.
bukowski never had a steady publisher until he was nearly twice that, hell, he didn’t even start writing seriously until he was in his late thirties, but as soon as he started writing he never stopped. not even his mindless fulltime job at the LA post office that nearly killed him after his third year got in the way of his writing. in fact, when he returned to the grind and stayed there 12 more years, he finished his run by knocking out one of the finest novels of the american working class “Post Office.”

As a matter of fact, once John Martin launched Black Sparrow Press out of his own pocket, pretty much just to allow bukowski to quit his job and write as much as he wanted, he reeled off an impressive string of novels and poetry collections of high quality, creativity, and depth.

Notes of a Dirty Old Man, 1969
Post Office, 1971
Mockingbird Wish Me Luck, 1972
South of No North, 1973
Burning in Water Drowning in Flame, 1974
Factotum 1975
Love Is A Dog From Hell, 1977
Women, 1978
Play The Piano Drunk Like a Percussion Instrument Until the Fingers Begin To Bleed A Bit, 1979
Dangling in the Tournefortia, 1981
Ham On Rye 1982
Hot Water Music, 1983

i like bukowski because he barely bitched about his lot in life. he didn’t run around saying oh woe is me. he didn’t write about how ts eliot was kicking his ass in book sales. he didn’t whine about how a certain young lady said she wouldn’t f him even if she lost a bet.

one thing bukowski did that i wish i had the guts to do was send his shit out to the world. he mailed off his poems and his stories and his everythings out to the publishers and magazine editors and newspapers and they mailed pretty much everything back.

far too punk rock for the good paying literature mags of his day, bukowski was forced to write for sex papers underground magazines and collections of unheard poets and writers. but unlike van gogh he kept at it. getting little nibbles here and there. writing regardless. telling the stories of everyday life in americas lower class.

he married a wealthy five-foot tall texan with a stiff neck, divorced her, and then married two other times.

late in his life good luck found him and not only did he die wealthy and famous, but he lived the last decade of his life respected for staying true to himself, never selling out or changing for the times or for the big bucks.

his stories and novels live on. his poems resonate stronger now than ever. theres not a writer alive who match him with the one-two punch of poetry and fiction, longevity, and production.

and unlike papa hemingway and the other quote unquote important american writers other than twain, bukowski could make you laugh.

flash + kyle + riley dog + xtracyx

nothing. theres not even vaccuumming happenning in a vaccuum.

member when i told you about my relationship to tsar? how we all worked at the daily nexus at ucsb including two members of tsar.

108. mimi

well the lead singer of the band is jeff whalen, who was pretty damn good at the paper his own self, but his brother was just that much better. jeffs brother is named pat.

now the first time that i started reading the nexus was when steve elzer was running the ship. and back then he had a freshman sports editor named pat. pat became editor in chief as a sophomore, which is unheard of, especially when you realize all the talent that was overflowing at the paper. and mind you, we knew even then how much talent was all up in that shit. so for pat to be running the show at 19 years old tells you who he is.

pat was definately my hero at the paper. i approached him when i first walked in the doors and i saw him face down on the couch and i passed him by and asked if i could speak to the editor. someone nodded to the heap on the couch and i was all oh. and then i was all, i love this place.

when pat wasnt passed out he was writing the best news stories and telling the best tales and debating everyone about guns n roses or turning dudes like me onto the geto boys.

now we nexus boys all pretty much live near each other in hollywood. but pat lives in prauge. however for the last few weeks he has been vacationing in his childhood home of long beach.

the other day ben sullivan of the science blog started a little email chain among we nexus males. he tossed around the idea of drinking of booze and eating of greasy meats and potatoes.

maybe they do that sort of thing, but i dont. i stay at home or i head over to hot babes condos or i patrol the meanstreets of la keeping this fair city safe.

but ben hardly ever bothers me and pat is still pretty much my hero, and even welch will tell you that if it wasnt for pat, none of us would be the writers that we are today. everything we did was to be better than him. and sometimes, but not often, we acheived it.

so yes, for pat, i would get off the babysitter and spend the evening out in the bars and in the restaurants and party and reminice and hang out.

best laid plans… the party ended up at my house. everyone brought lots of booze and pretty much all of it was consumed. me and os picked up two pizza pies and some arbys for good measure and welch came over with a costco box full of chips.

i passed around some pictures of our glory days and we laughed and pointed at people and judged and ridiculed and at one point one of my new neighbors came over intrigued by the merriment and asked to join in. why not.

i took a baseball from my shelf and got all the boys to sign it because how often do a dozen of your best friends all come over and hang with you. yes there were some missing pallies. but those who were here all signed my ball and we took pics and we listened to good music and just hung out.

i dont know why i never do that. i dont know why i will give girls all my attention or crooks or bosses or traffic or the internet or television all my love and not my friends but i do. and tonight it was great to take a break driver eight and drink beer out of a can and kick everyone out at two so i could write you and pass oout.

wade + floorpie + thor garcia + sploid

hi.

thanks for writing me so much.

here on earth we dont have porn ads on the top part of our emails. believe it or not, but people here will read the emails without advertisments. so naturally, i thought your emails were what we call Spam.

sorry.

youve all written so much that i feel its best if i answer you in this post.

first of all, thank you so much for reading it. i knew how i was getting about 100 hits a day, but i was always curious as to who the other 900 people were, so this explains a lot. welcome.

The United States. i live in the United States of America. im sorry that i just call it America. its a lazy american thing to do. i know that theres south america and central america and the usa is in north america, but when i write it as “america” i am sorta saying, “yes i know this is arrogant. we are arrogant. and we’re probably going to stay this way for a while.”

rock music. the cds i gave you are rock. you are hearing guitars and drums and someone yelling. what youre feeling is the bass. the purpose of rock music is to help you remember that youre a live animal. which is what we are at our core.

the best rock music is dangerous and agressive and wild and powerful. it’s also nice when it can be sensitive and subtle and insightful. but as long as it rocks it could be completely full of shit. it’s the music of the common man and the only thing that matters. next to spirituality, of course.

almost all of you asked me about either beer or cigarettes or drugs. even though we dont have fancy space machines, odds are humans are smarter than you. we just havent been around as long. one of the drawbacks to being so smart is life gets boring, so some people like to get fucked up so they can look at things with innocent eyes. other people are so smart that they outthink themselves out of doing the things they want to do, so they get drunk and let loose.

some people are just stupid.

theyre the ones who smoke cigarrettes.

but they do look cool, which is generally the point, and old age has never been marketed as being all that, so maybe these cool kids are on to something.

usually we keep our voting records private, but since so many of you asked, im going to vote for larry flynt as governor of california. at first i was going to vote for gray davis because its not right that he should have to win a second election in the middle of his term, but then i thought, fuck him. he should be bitching more and hes not so fuck him.

im voting for larry flynt for the same reason that people lie about why they say theyre going to vote for the terminator. they say arnold is a good businessman, but very few people in the world are as successful as larry flynt. hustler, the magazine he’s best known for, actually brings in just a fraction of all the monies he gets from magazine publishing. and he’s ugly, and hes crippled, and hes slightly insane, and he has set the bar for what is completely dirty. and in america, thats a tough trick.

most of the people here though are pretty nervous about how others will perceive them. they run around being a certain way so that they will have a better chance of being successful. but larry flynt has shown us that you can be the grossest frog mouthed s.o.b on the block and if you know what youre doing you can Still build a golden tower in beverly hills from all the money that you’ll end up with.

and how sweet would it be for the republicans to see that their dirty little coup resulted in hell freezing over and larry flynt ending up governor of california?

itd be enough to put the state on the map.

anyway, thanks for writing, i will answer more questions and clear more things up later.

love,

tony

p.s. my flying car is not for sale, and neither is chopper one. thanks though!

kitty bukkake + chase me ladies + alecia

starring tony as the beaver.

ive decided that the reason that this blog hit an icy patch this summer was because i havent been chasing any girls. nor have i allowed any girls to chase me.

ive been super good at playing impossible to get for a while and i let my guard down for this new job and it doesnt matter what hoop they ask me to jump through ive said k and its been all good.

today someone asked me to be in a tv show. i tried to tell the nice person that im not talent but she insisted. and when the time is right i will make my way to the other side of the camera and let people like xeni and wil get the makeup applied and i will sit in the control room with my feet up and thats the way those of us who really dont want to be on tv let it happen.

yesterday in the comments someone asked me about marriage. in a perfect world i know exactly who i would marry, i know exactly where we live, and i know exactly what we’d name our kids.

angus, evel, and jezebelle.

and i know exactly what id do for a living.

id have a morning tv talk show for kids. we’d have two-minute cartoons the likes theyve never seen. there will be art projects and things to do on your computer and games and magic tricks, monsters, and tales of good and evil.

and kids would send in dvds of themselves telling jokes and punk’ing their grandparents, and theyd bring their pets on the air and we’d watch the pets wizz all over the stage.

my hero growing up was mr. ray rayner and the problem with deregulation is there arent really any local programming any more and if ray rayner was around today he would be selling cars because aint no way ray rayner woulda been able to do his thing because wgn isnt really wgn any more. its tribune corp. and tribune corp can lick me.

cubs won yesterday, speaking of trib corp. and i dont know about this dusty baker character. how come he can get his dudes to beat the cards 2 outta 3 but not cincy? i must say that its pretty nice to see kerry wood come in in the eighth after mark prior with rick dempster closing. pretty nice indeed. but seriously wtf.

and its nice that nomah is hitting again, although if he had driven in a run i might still be in the race in this one fantasy league.

but you dont wanna hear about that, you wanna hear about how i should go back to chasing skirts again.

something happened to me this weekend. i was at a fancy party in malibu. i was at the biggest house ive ever been in. and the nicest. the pool was huge and the hottub was tiny. when you went inside the house they had it so you werent sure if you were inside cuz they had gardens and trees in the inside and you looked up and there was the sky and yep you were inside but you were outside.

the floor curved down when you were upstairs and the kitchen didnt have any walls. and the girls were cute and one of them had a wig on. and i wish i was making this up but im not on the pipe any more, so this is all real. and the music was techno but not bad and the sky was clear and the moon was up there sorta crescenty and it was saying hi tone, welcome back to malibu. this is where you nearly lost your virginity but you chose ventura instead. and i love you malibu and i always have. we will be together again one day.

and i look at that town the way the indians probably look at america. i dont think that anyone really deserves it except for those who have been there forever. and even though i first set foot there 21 years ago, even thats not long enough.

and a girl came up to me and asked if i had a light and i said baby you shouldnt smoke and she said you shouldnt drink. and i said how about you drink my drink and i’ll smoke your smoke and before i could see in the darkness what she was smoking she said deal and we swapped and there was a huge joint in my hand the size of a taquito.

only because im a man of my word did i light it and smoke it after i cracked open her cold beer.

and we shared the thing and the beer as she gave me a little tour of the mansion and once again i was distracted by the scenery to ask for her number but there it was, i had gone over a month without the herb and heres a few things i learned from the experience: weed still doesnt affect me much so im not going to touch the stuff for at least another month, pepperdine girls give away everything with their eyes, and perfume is truly underrated.

i had a dream about johnny rotten last night.

first good dream ive had in years.

k times + heroinegirl + mc brown knows everyone + my new podcast with raymi

xxxxbusblogxxxx: did you get hitched?

kristinpony: HIIII

xxxxbusblogxxxx: hi baby
xxxxbusblogxxxx: was today the day???

kristinpony: friday 🙂

xxxxbusblogxxxx: i wrote a tribute to you today
xxxxbusblogxxxx: cuz i thought today was the day

kristinpony: awwwwww
kristinpony: do you want to see some pictures? i am scanning
kristinpony: and i have some online

xxxxbusblogxxxx: of course!

kristinpony: ok one sec

kristinpony: that’s the first picture i got from the photographer (pictured)

xxxxbusblogxxxx: practice picture?

kristinpony: i have a few others and a lot of snapshots people took

xxxxbusblogxxxx: oh wait
xxxxbusblogxxxx: you got hitched on friday?!!?!?
xxxxbusblogxxxx: 8/12?

kristinpony: 8/12

xxxxbusblogxxxx: awwwwwwwww
xxxxbusblogxxxx: youre gorgeous there
xxxxbusblogxxxx: i will post that

kristinpony: thank you so much
kristinpony: i have more
kristinpony: you have options
kristinpony: lauren pony looked hot

xxxxbusblogxxxx: who?

kristinpony: my sister
kristinpony: !!!!

xxxxbusblogxxxx: you have a sister?

kristinpony: hah
kristinpony: here’s both of us, a crappy scan ;(

xxxxbusblogxxxx: youre so hot
xxxxbusblogxxxx: can i say that still?
xxxxbusblogxxxx: i better not

kristinpony: of course!

xxxxbusblogxxxx: i like your dress

kristinpony: thank you
kristinpony: it was really simple
kristinpony: no big train
kristinpony: lauren.. the maid of honor!

xxxxbusblogxxxx: fancy designer?

kristinpony: no way
kristinpony: sample sale
kristinpony: like 500 bucks altogether

xxxxbusblogxxxx: sweet
xxxxbusblogxxxx: fancy shoes?

kristinpony: shoetopia shoes!
kristinpony: pink. cute

xxxxbusblogxxxx: what brand though?

kristinpony: bombshelle i think
kristinpony: nothing fancy

xxxxbusblogxxxx: ps lauren looks eh

kristinpony: hott

xxxxbusblogxxxx: too much makeup

kristinpony: she’s gorgeous

xxxxbusblogxxxx: eh
xxxxbusblogxxxx: she needs a diamond studded cat collar
xxxxbusblogxxxx: for my liking
xxxxbusblogxxxx: and an ankle bracelette

kristinpony: here’s another sample from the photographer

xxxxbusblogxxxx: nice
xxxxbusblogxxxx: you got hitched at churchill downs?

kristinpony: no a beautiful catholic church
kristinpony: here’s another from the photog

xxxxbusblogxxxx: awwww
xxxxbusblogxxxx: did people cry?

kristinpony: a lot of people did

xxxxbusblogxxxx: did bugsy go?

kristinpony: naaah

xxxxbusblogxxxx: where are you registered so i can tell people

kristinpony: noooo way
kristinpony: we got 1000000 presents. i don’t want any presents

xxxxbusblogxxxx: but your fans…. we miss you
xxxxbusblogxxxx: and we will give way better presents than what you probably got

kristinpony: i got way good presents 🙂

xxxxbusblogxxxx: like????

kristinpony: a million things!

xxxxbusblogxxxx: llllllllllllliiiiiikkkkeeee?

kristinpony: a kitchenaid mixer!
kristinpony: lots of money. lots lots lots
kristinpony: everyting for the kitchen times two

xxxxbusblogxxxx: do you cook that much?

kristinpony: not really
kristinpony: blake does

kristinpony: heres the whole wedding party.. last one i promise

xxxxbusblogxxxx: yeah see, your sister is like the 4th hottest chick there
xxxxbusblogxxxx: big mistake of her to stop blogging

kristinpony: hah

xxxxbusblogxxxx: ps, may i have any of those bridesmaids?

kristinpony: which do you want?

xxxxbusblogxxxx: does it even matter?
xxxxbusblogxxxx: theyre all hot

kristinpony: i know
kristinpony: i had a pretty wedding

xxxxbusblogxxxx: ok im going to post the first pic and our convo. is that kosher?

kristinpony: mmm let me review convo
kristinpony: i will put my whole wedding album online i promise

xxxxbusblogxxxx: ok good
xxxxbusblogxxxx: and i want to talk to you on the phone and podcast you
xxxxbusblogxxxx: when will you be available for that?

kristinpony: sometime soon, law school starts a week from monday!! ahhh!
kristinpony: unless you want to hear about law school
kristinpony: i have one more picture i must show you

xxxxbusblogxxxx: shouldnt you be on your honeymoon?

kristinpony: we are going in dec. school starts soon
kristinpony: he is working still

xxxxbusblogxxxx: umpiring?
xxxxbusblogxxxx: pumping gas?
xxxxbusblogxxxx: tax collecting

kristinpony: umpire

xxxxbusblogxxxx: where at?

kristinpony: boise right now

xxxxbusblogxxxx: damn

kristinpony: yeppers
kristinpony: crazy
kristinpony: it was sad this morning
kristinpony: but we had a couple of nice nights 🙂

xxxxbusblogxxxx: awwww

kristinpony: i am scanning the picture that i dedicate to you

xxxxbusblogxxxx: youre very sweet

kristinpony: not the best scan but i thought you would enjoy it

kristinpony: me getting ready and drinking pink champagne

xxxxbusblogxxxx: sigh
xxxxbusblogxxxx: youre the hottest girl in america

kristinpony: whatevs

xxxxbusblogxxxx: hey wait is that the under thing to your dresssss?

kristinpony: duh!

xxxxbusblogxxxx: how am i supposed to know????
xxxxbusblogxxxx: well hey, congratulations!!! i hope you know that youre the best and all the boys of the world will be quite sad at this post. but who cares, it’s your happy day. so congrats!

kristinpony: thanks for being so sweet

gorilla mask + chokey chicken + dooce

ms kristin pony is getting married right this minute.

which means that everything that i type will be sour grapes.

and it is, so dont be fooled.

kristin of madpony discovered the busblog many moons ago and ever since then we became friends. there was a time when we’d email each other so much that i created a special hotmail account just for our conversations. and of course there were the encouragements from both sides to keep on blogging and keep on keeping on.

so of course when i went to austin this year for sxsw i was blown away when she drove eight hours south to meet me.

even though she had sent me hundreds of pictures and even though we spent a little amount of time on webcams, i was in no way prepared for the hotness that is kristin.

she is taller than youd think, skinnier, hotter, and sharper.

and then she kills you with that southern accent and that university sass.

i knew she was engaged but i didnt know how engaged until the glare from the rock on her dainty finger nearly blinded me.

i dont know who the fella is, shes sent me tons of pics of them, but all i know is hes the luckiest man in the world.

madpony kristin is the catch of the day. awesome disposition. funny as hell, quick as can be, perfect sense of what a good family is about since she comes from a great one, on her way to law school, on her way to everything.

im pretty sure she didnt invite me to the wedding because she knows what i think about young people getting hitched and was afraid that i’d cause a ruckus. told ya shes smart.

so smart even sk smith was all, gee tony, i think we met a girl out of your league.

if indeed today was her wedding day, and if indeed she actually went through with it, and if indeed she will be starting law school in the fall, hopefully now that all the wedding stuff is behind her we might be blessed with – if not a return to madpony – but something new that she updates once a week or two.

is that too much to ask?

anyways, kristin, wherever you are, if today was your big day, the busblog and all its readers wish you and your man a happy day and a happier honeymoon.

that sound of chinese firecrackers you hear are a million hearts breaking.

and yes i do have a pair of her shoes

and yes i may auction them off quite soon

for charity, of course.

a year ago this month + when adrants met kristin + shes nearly 23

for some reason i thought everyone knew, but apparently thats not the case. so for those who arent familiar with ucsb’s daily nexus 86-93, prague’s prognosis (where basart and layne jumped in), and the myth of the santa barbara mafia

heres a quick rundown of just the nexus portion which will leave quite a few people out, so please add (with links) in the comment box below

partial list of participants of the daily nexus 86-92:

bonnie bills and charlie hornberger – charlie was editor in cheif in 1992, truck, i married them, bonnie’s buzznet, charlie’s buzznet

jeff whalen – friday magazine, mons pubvis, the brothers steve, long haired leaping gnomes, the reluctant surgeons, chopper one, stupid girl, royal supremes, tsar (which included at different times welch, coulter, kern, solomon and the two new dudes)

daniel kern – the wonderfuls, baby dangerously, royal supremes, tsar

matt welch – reason, the reluctant surgeons, long haired leaping gnomes, whalen, original bassist of tsar, corvids + married to emmanuelle

amy collins – now amy langfield, editor in cheif of the nexus 1990 + newyorkology.com priased by forbes

steve elzer – eic 1988, sony pictures

steve czaban – czabe.com + sportstalk 98 (dc) + wlzr (milwaukee)

chris ziegler – wrote the history of isla vista from ’72-’98

ben sullivan – science blog + brother of kate music editor of the la weekly

morgan j freeman – film and tv director

jason ross – editor in cheif of nexus 1993 + award-winning writer, daily show

aj goddard – kcsb + the playpen

michele danner – outdoors magazine

dylan – champion, luxus, shapes of racecars

marc brown – kcsb + the bee sting boyz + buzznet creator + his buzznet page

genevive field – here with her hand on my shoulder + co-creator of nerve

karen broome – now at sony pictures

doug arellanes – arellanes.com + campware.org

christopher scheer – nixon, alternet, 5 lies of george w. bush + wiki

greg mcilvane – wonderfuls + mons pubvis + stupid girl + chopper one + thee mystakes + gregory vaine + hollow trees + director of many films + and great artist – married to molli + parents of sean

os tyler – brother steve, truck, baby dangerously, hosts the busblog, hitched with kim my lawyer + papa of henry

sandra brilliant and denis faye – denis was my assistant editor when we won best in state

don frances and jennifer adams – el pad + don was my roommate with charlie, dan, layne, kip, and mike on haight street + parents of stella

jeanine natale – count rockula, longest college gf + her buzznet page + makes everyones wedding rings

pat whalen – reluctant surgeons, married to denisa + papa of dale and mick

shira – introduced me to chris, formerly of people, found the apartment i live in

melissa lalum – executive editor of la daily news

max donnelly – reluctant surgeons + married to kelly + papa of caroline and claire

joel brand – rolling stone, surfer, sellmedia

todd francis – element skateboards

jeff solomon – long haired leaping gnomes, reluctant surgeons, whalen, thee mystakes, tsar, corvids + we wrote articles together and had a company together in sf + i djed his wedding last month when he wed erin + papa of wyatt

dan hilldale – one of my roommates on haight street + bf to sk smith

jeff mcmanus – yahoo

stacy sullivan – newsweek, columbia

william torren – the desert sun

duke conover – the news herald

dan jeffers – city flirting

tony pierce – reluctant surgeons, chopper one

so my relation to tsar is: whalen and i worked on the arts section of the nexus together for a summer (he was assistant editor of the arts section when i began there), dan and coulter were in my favorite iv band the wonderfuls, tsar paths crossed when i introduced the wonderfuls to the nexus at one of greg’s hootenanys, i was roommates with greg and whalen in atwater, together we made chopper one and several of greg’s films, i was biz partner with solomon in sf, i slept on tsar’s couch when i moved back to LA so i was with tsar when they got their first bits of money for their music, and ive been to most of their LA shows, including the time they played four nights in spain during y2k

thats just the tip of the iceberg

however, my relationship to them has no influence on the fact that i think theyre the best band in hollywood, hands down.

tsar.net + listen to their songs, see the video + get band girls money

photo by raymi

In Los Angeles Magazine:

TSAR is a much-loved L.A. band, on a mission to single-handedly keep the spirit of Hollywood’s famed Rainbow Room alive and kicking, but with a handful of Silver Lake boulders crashing through its windows. Reeking with the rebellion of The Stooges and the glam-pop swagger of T-Rex, Dead Boys, and New York Dolls, TSAR resurrects the ’70s underground with hell-bent determination.

Unlike the Weezer-esque sugarcoating of their debut, this sophomore set is in your face and happy to kick it out as straight ahead rock ‘n’ roll. The songs on Band-Girls-Money are short, sweet, and tight power-pop stabs, with a sashay reminiscent of Dream Police-era Cheap Trick — executed full-tilt on the revved up “Everybody’s Fault But Mine.”

The title track practically kicks the door down and invites itself into your living room. Front man Jeff Whalen’s tongue is also firmly planted in cheek, as his punchy lyrics never cross into serious songwriter terrain, leaning fairly humorous and playful (ya don’t pick a record title like Band, Girls, Money to emulate, say, Rage Against The Machine). Nope, the very essence of the band is summed up in that title — and it’s all about breakneck guitar solos, cock-rock lyrics, torrential drumming, and party anthem choruses to die for.

With infectious rawkers like “The Love Explosion,” “Superdeformed,” and “Startime,” TSAR could easily win over any fans of The Darkness or even Guns ‘N’ Roses, before Axl got all puffy and braided his hair.

Losing Today.com

Reeking with a combination of the rebellion of The Stooges and the glam-pop swagger of T-Rex, TSAR resurrects the seventies underground with ‘fuck you’ arrogance. Fresh off the heels of their critical acclaimed self-titled debut, the Los Angeles quartet return with another smokin’ 10 tracks. Front man Jeff Whalen struts through the disc backed by raunchy guitar riffs and torrential drumming. The songs on Band-Girls-Money are short, sweet, and tight with a poppy sashay reminiscent of Dream Police-era Cheap Trick. By revitalizing a sub-genre of rock-n-roll that time had forgotten, TSAR stand alone as totally unique in their own right.

J.Mo After The Debauchery

After years of stories about the band, concert reviews, CD reviews and undying praise, I finally checked out the Tony Pierce endorsed rock band Tsar at the horseshoe last night.

I’ve been told that they rock.

“Masterfully mixing glam showmanship with gritty Sunset Strip attitude, Tsar’s “Band Girls Money” is one of the best rock albums so far this year.” – billboard

“it was a runaway train with no brakes. it was the space shuttle with too much nitrous. it was a stampede with too much postage. it was a rock slide of rock, an avalanche of power. it was thunder from so far under that the devil himself knocked on the door and asked if they could keep it down and the crowd thought it was part of the show but it wasn’t and even the smoke machine was smokin.” – busblog

So how could you not go see them when they’re playing just a stones throw away. Assuming you can throw a stone 80km.

And let me tell you Mr. Pierce. You’re right.

Since I’m not a crazy descriptive writer, and since I’m not a musical expert I won’t go into their rockingness, but what I will say is that they’re crazy high energy, yet tight as nuns asshole. They remind me of Billy Talent, but not like Billy Talent. See my descriptive writing talent.

Whatever the point is they kicked ass. So go see them.

Johnny Blaze made the trip with me from his apartment in Port Credit. He’s a dead head and hates everything that’s not part of the jam band scene or influenced by the jam band scene. I knew he’d probably hate them, but he still loves checkin out a live band that he might hate.

We got to the Horseshoe just before eleven to see some band finish there set. “Is that Tsar” Johnny asked to which I shrugged. We had just grabbed a beer when all of a sudden there was music and smoke and Giant flashing letters T S A R coming from the distance which tipped me off that the band I was here to see was starting their shit.

And even Johnny liked it. Short set. Forty minutes maybe.

Afterwards some other band came on. Hot bassist, 14yr old drummer. Ya we left during their first shitty song.

Tonight: Starland Ballroom – Sayerville NY w/The New York Dolls
Tomorrow: House of Blues – Atlantic City w/The New York Dolls
Tuesday 8/16 – Bricktown Live – Oklahoma City
Friday 8/19 – Attack of the Show – G4TV
Friday 8/19 – The Viper Room – Hollywood

why is TO [Philadelphia Eagles Wide Receiver Terrell Owens] such a douche? and what surprised me even more was that his agent was even more outspoken than he was. what makes these people think that they are bigger than the game and that they can go and fuck around with their team owners and whine like little bitches. favre had it right. honor your mother fucking contract. why can’t players like TO get it through their heads?

– Ryan

dear ryan,

its funny but i get these sorts of questions all the time. so let me answer yours.

perhaps people havent realized it yet, but theres a difference between Black people and white people.

and when it comes to football theres a huge difference, particularily between white quarterbacks and black wide receivers.

black wide receivers are flashy, incredible, loud, emotional, and flamboyant. its almost part of the deal. and what ive noticed is the only people who complain about them are white fans who always want to compare them to white quarterbacks.

terrell owens is loud, has a big mouth, signed a touchdown football seconds after he caught it, ran to midfield to spike a different touchdown football on the star in dallas, got in some controversey for the “nude” desperate housewives commercial on abc…

and if you recall, risked his career a few months ago by limping onto the field at the superbowl and caught 9 balls for 122 yards in a losing effort against the new england pats.

probably because i am a Black man, i find no issue with owens being who he is. infact i find it hypocritical that those who will fill the stands to watch the flash and acrobatics of guys like owens, are also those who will be the first to condemn him when he wants a raise or wants to beat his chest.

it would be one thing if owens didnt produce in the clutch, but bro produced in the clutch.

everyones all, but he has no class, but he should honor his contract, but what example is he being for the kids, etc

and i keep thinking, i dont look to football players for class, most pro atheletes have incredibly short careers so get that money, and heres the example that TO offers kids: if youre going to be flashy and have a big mouth you better back it up.

im old enough to remember when John McEnroe played tennis. and when he did he would yell at the linesmen and the umpire and the fans and once i even saw him yell at the blimp thousands of feet above the US Open.

some speculated that when he did that it charged him up and motivated him and helped him win.

as a sports fan, i want players to be charged up, and i like it when they talk shit, and i like it when they bring a new level of excitement.

it does not turn me on when the big fat white tight end catches a three yard shovel pass and place the ball on the ground. maybe thats your cup of tea but i dont even like tea.

i like the fun bunch, i like billie whiteshoes johnson, i like joe horn, i like randy moss mooning the packers fans, i like the raiders, i like ac/dc blaring from the loud speakers, i like fans booing opposing players, and yes i like terrell owens limping onto the superbowl field at 75% and playing at 100%.

yes i liked joe montana all cool calm and collected, and yes i like brett favre, but i like black quarterbacks hurdling defenders way more. i like those shimmies on the sweeps and the scrambling and the soul. i work all week and sit infront of my big screen on sundays not to see tom brady’s perfectly diagramed short passes but to see michael vick take my breath away – even if he throws up 8 picks.

the best thing to happen to football over the last few years have been randy moss, michael vick, and terrell owens.

you can have tom brady, peyton manning, and ben roethlisberger but i like a little hot sauce on my hotdog.

and i’ll tell you what, i appreciate the white guys on the field, but i pay money for the TOs out there. and because of that he deserves as much flowage as his agent can get him.

now be careful out there.

ryan + flagrant + simpleton + all things christie

starring danielle + i posted my answering machine messages + bunny goofed off at work