you know those Verizon commercials

where they have the map of the USA and its all red cuz Verizon’s coverage area is like allllll over the country, even the parts where no one lives?

then they show the map of AT&T. which looks like its missing a few thousand cities. it looks like an xray of a crackhead’s brain synapses – or whats left of them.

the other day i arrived from canada. i was in the los angeles international airport. i had just picked up my precious bag. young karisa told me to call her when i retrieved my bag and she would drive over from her beach community near the airport and pick my black ass up.

the photo to the right is what i saw on my phone when i tried to call her from LAX.

los angeles.


so tell me this, AT&T, the iphone, which somehow you are allowed to be the ONLY provider of phone service to, is the most popular cellphone in the country. how do you get off providing such lousy coverage that even inside the big huge airport in Los Angeles, a customer cant even make a phone call.

wouldnt you think that at such a place people would probably be using their cell phone more than in any place in town? and wouldnt most of the calls be like this, “im at American baggage claim, where you at?”

or am i the first person to wish to make such a call.

on an iphone

using AT&T

at LAX airport, in los angeles.

in two thousand and ten.

when you are AT&T, one of the largest providers of phone connections in the world, and have been for a really long time, and you refuse to ramp up your coverage to meet the demand of the hugely popular cellphone – some people would call that corporate greed.

i call it a call out to steve jobs.

bro, im gonna end my love affair with your phone if you cant apply some pressure on your bff, att.

thats my new years resolution.

someone asked me for a screenshot of my DVR

nothing out of the ordinary.

no jersey shore cuz i watch that immediately. im actually happy for mtvs success.

real world is always good, dr drew is adding some classic content with Sober House, Celeb Rehab, and now Sex Rehab.

then our man Morgan J Freeman is busting with 16 & Pregnant and now Teen Mom.

if only they could figure out a way to show us the latest in new music via videos

how ironic that MTV of all places would need a consultant to show them how to return to what got them on top.

and yes, i should be that consultant.

MTV Canada was soooo much better than MTV USA.

artie lange is in the hospital

but damn im feeling great

something in that z pizza pizza cleared up my sinuses and helped me fall asleep last night at a reasonable hour.

when im sick i like to board up the windows, bolt the doors, and burrow under the house.

in the midwest they have basements. no basements on the west coast. but there is a soft underbelly. thats where i go.

the battery rechargers are there. the river styx flows nearby. aint no women. aint no discos. aint nothing cute or pretty.

you know when a man has gone down under because when he emerges he doesnt smell so good. but he glows. theres no 5 o’clock shadow. even hair knows to stay the f away.

but i do watch a lot of youtube videos. and eat. and blow my nose a lot. normally i have a cute little baby trash can next to my bed. when im sick i roll in one of those industrial dumpsters. i tear through juice containers, cereal boxes, and toilet paper. some people use kleenex. not a fan of kleenex. the little dust bits get in my nose. its a selffufilling prophecy. id rather just rock the paper towels. who cares if my nose turns red. im sick its supposed to be red!

but today friends i pushed the stone away from the hole and i emerged and a beam of sunshine hit me and america ive been healed.

and im back.

i walked outside to my driveway to pick up my paper and i saw that karisas mom had brought me some chicken soup. (see photo above). and i thank her but if i drink one more spoonful of soup im gonna take a knife to arties big belly. (too soon?)

anyways i feel great and i appreciate all the cards, letters, and naughty things you sent to my gmail. i remain in awe of your generosity and trust. peace & love, peace & love.

and lets send our prayers to the baby gorilla and hope he finally gets the help hes been screaming out for.