beyonce said “tony, you’re a prick, holding your site hostage.”

says you.

“what do you call it?”

i dont know what to call it, but people linking me like crazy and i shoulda told you 200.

“you sound disappointed.”

well, even though i love the love from the good folks, there are a few sites that i want to be linked to that i doubt will ever link me, but these will do for starters, thats for sure. some are really fabulous sites:






















beyonce said, “who’s sites do you wanna be linked on?”

well, nay, of course, and rabbit, cuz i read them all the time, but why not instapundit this blog is as good as any of the ones he links.

beyonce said, “which part of your blog are you talking about, the fake stories about anna or the fake stories about mariah?”

shut up.

“why dont you just worry about getting 100 links total before july 9, then see if the others link you.”

how about you leaving me alone. hasnt your mom made you a new outfit that you have to try on yet?

“oh, that hurts.”

make sure your belly shows.

anna called me up, furious.

“did you get my email?”

yes, baby.

“did you look at the picture?”

no, anna, you know i dont open attachments. i have had the same 400 MHz computer since 98, solely because i practice Safe Computing.


yes, dear.

ok, i opened it. who’s that, dave matthews?

“uh, no. it’s Enrique.”


“Enrique Iglesias.”

oh your boy. i thought his name was something else.

“no, you call him something else, but his name is Enrique, anyway that is not the damn point. look what he’s doing with that whore!”

hes singing with her. he is a singer, isnt he?

“he’s playing with her hair the way that he plays with MINE! I’LL KILL HIM!”

you know, that ponytail does sorta look like yours.


you could always try to make him jealous by getting it on with me, anna. i hear sometimes jealousy is the best policy.

“tony, can you just be my friend for just once in your life, and not try to be gross?”

ok, i’ll try. this is new for me though.

“what should i do?”

you should dump him. he obviously got a chick that sorta looks like you and told her to get on her knees, or whatever and he is obviously enjoying having her head near his crotch and–

“ENOUGH! you are being so sick!”

babe, he’s a singer. hes the alleged handsome son of a truly great singer. you’re just another pretty face that he used in a video. sorta like what Juvenile and Outkast do, but you’re not shaking your ass in a micro-mini, you’re being the hot famous celeb chick.

“I want to kill him.”

kill him by not seeing him any more.

“no, i want to see him dead.”

ok, russian gurl, you’re scaring me. you know i work for–

“yeah, i know who you work for. im just so hurt. AND I GOT HIM THAT HAT!”

if it makes you feel any better, i got that chick those bangles.


yeah, i love bangles.


yes, anna.

“will anyone ever love me?”

thats a tough question.


probably not. love is very hard to find. especially if youre not an american citizen.

“what is that supposed to mean?”

and especially if all you do is date like super hot male celebs who have women falling for them left and right.

“well who else do you think i should be with.”

nerds. they wont leave you.

“with my luck they would.”

you never know until you try.

“who was that nerd that drew barrymore married, he dumped her.”

you mean Tom Green?

“yeah, him, whoever. yeah him.”

oh, well, date a normal nerd, not a totally freaky one who drinks milk from the udders of cows. i mean, thats sorta asking for it.

“you know, tony, if you werent my best friend, i would totally date you.”

just what i wanted to hear, hot chick. i gotta go to bed. go win a tourney for me. that will show him.

“‘night antony.”

i’ll burn all my dave matthews records for you.

“good, but he’s not dave matthews.”

me too, good-nyet anna.


what can you say about a girl that everyone only has nice things to say about?

more nice things.

chris works at the last dot com in all of america. shes the star of the show over there. theyve made her player of the year two consecutive years in a row and she totally deserves it. shes a great employee, a great boss, a great co-worker.

for me, she has been the most fantastic friend. she lets me borrow her car to go meet hot babeS, she takes me out to dinner and doesnt let me pay, she reads great books and tells me about them.

lately shes been turning herself into a high fashion model wooing all the boys from here to the border.

chris loves good movies. shes a good movie-goer. she’ll see almost anything, and she’ll be honest about it.

without her, i would never have gotten into Blade. she went to Blade 2 with me the other day and it was her second time going but she loved it.

then we had thai.

i’ll always love my sweet girl from wherever shes from.

email her here and share the love.