it feels like

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhweeeeep

you barefooted commieloving third world ingrates.

can you even count to 13?

time accepting Good in their lives?

yes.

do i, sometimes, have a hard time accepting Really Good in my life?

no.

not me.

im perfect.

all i shoot for in life is fun and good.

so why would i avoid it when it comes?

or be freaked by it?

theres no way that i would have a problem with a bucket of moola on my front porch with a note that says “no strings attached” or a brokendown bus of cheerleaders in town for the national poetry convention who need to use a telephone,

or true love

of false love

or true false love

or lust

or flirtation

or the opportunity to make my personal and professional dreams come true.

no, i wouldnt have any problems with any of those things. i would accept it all, take it all in stride, thank the Lord and go to the next step.

i would never dwell.

i do things textbook. perfect. as it should be.

i come correct.

in fact i dont have a personal or psychological stain on my entire soul.

im just like you.

thats why we get along so well.

we know theres no such concept of too much of a good thing.

so if the coppers drag me out again, tonight, after happy hour, remind them who the fuck theyre hasseling, yo.

25. http://www.tinylittlepenis.com

i do.

kate has finally started a rock n roll blog. shes a famous music journalist and her blog is so cool, and it’s only just begun.

dan is sara’s main squeeze and he has a new blog. you know sara because i link to her and if you didnt read her post yesterday about getting drunk with the Lampoon boys during her stint at Harvard, you’re missing out. i would love more of these stories, btw, since that is a world that i will probably never even visit. so educate us. and its always nice to know that the normal fugly guys can get smooched by the hotties too.

ian knows more about art noise punk rock pop than i will ever, and hes a hippie and hes a vegan, so how cant you love him?

mc brown’s site is one that i go to every day. even though i disagree with him about Tearing Down a Bowling Alley for a school, i still admire his mad skillz and his always-terrific photography.

amy doesnt write nearly enough, but i guess she can say the same for me. shes one of the coolest people ever.

and last, but not least, is Rabbit, who is an aquaintence, since we’ve never been in each other’s homes, and have only talked at parties together, we have lots of mutual friends and are basically neighbors. but shes a fantastic writer, and far hotter than that chick who beat her for hottest babe blogger or whatever craziness that was. and speaking of craziness she is going to post on her blog every hour today, so she says, so stay tuned.

hopefully she will still have something to say after i get back from my dentist appointment this evening (around 7ish) so that i can interview her for you, the good people of the web.

p.s. after you fall in love with these sites, please dont completely abandon me, come back from time to time to say hi.

i have an inordinant amount of lawyers who visit this page. i have no idea why theyre attracted to these words, maybe it’s because im wrong all the time and i make them feel superior. (which is the only reason i ever find myself on Drudge’s page, so i understand.)

Max Power, our friend who won one of my crazy auctions, takes me to task for my Tyson defense. Maybe he’s right. What do I know. All I know is what I read and I don’t even read that much.

Apparently I’m the only man in America who thought that Tyson got the short end of his first offense when his booty call went bad.

And, to my naive surprise, rape is a touchy situation that brings up all sorts of emotions from my readers, many of whom are women.

I have always appreciated Law and I have always thought that if I was a better reader and student that I would have made a pretty decent lawyer.

Perhaps Power, who says he had a mighty fine seat in the courtroom when Alan Dershowitz argued for Tyson’s release on appeal, would be kind enough to answer some questions that a Black man and Tyson fan would like to know about his conviction:

Why did Don King give Tyson a tax attorney to handle this rape case? Why would you ever put an imbecile like Tyson on the stand? How often do first offenders of a date rape case get three years in the slam? What famous white men have done time for a first offense date rape case?

If Max is too busy doing things like, I don’t know, earning a living, I will be happy if any of you other counselors could flow your two cents into this discussion. And trust me when I say it is a discussion. Obviously I think Tyson got a raw deal. And of course I think rapists, be they first offenders or not, should go to jail for a very long time– way more than three years– but since that isn’t what normally goes on, why was Tyson’s case the exception… if, indeed, his was exceptional.

And then maybe one of you high paid suits can tell me why Ticketmaster is getting away with being a monopoly.

In other news, I can’t believe all the notes from dudes saying that they want more about Ashley. Popular opinion regarding my relationship with her is totally up and down and right now i thought it was down. I thought you people didnt want any more stories or pictures or adventures co-starring our glitter girl?

I’m so confused.

I’ve been really confused a lot lately.

So I will create a poll about Ashley later today and maybe you’ll be kind enough to help me out.

Did you see “American Idol” last night? Totally classic. Loved it. Reality TV at its finest.

Absolute proof that there is nothing worse than an uptight arrogant british homo telling you that you cant sing and you have to waddle off in your crop top and heels bitching with each step.

Put that show on every night and I will watch it every night.

I dare you.

and finally, Jodie Foster dressed as a nun is really unfair. Gerald Manley Hopkins is spinning in his grave.